


The Third Time We Met

by cream_pudding



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff and Smut, Growing Up, Love/Hate, Multi, Relationship(s), Sex, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-11-21
Packaged: 2018-12-25 07:12:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 77,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12030831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cream_pudding/pseuds/cream_pudding
Summary: The First Time Roxas had lain eyes on Axel he hadn't known his name. All he had known was that he wanted to be friends.The second time he had seen Axel he had been filled with trepidation and an uncomfortable panic.The third time… well the third time was completely different.





	1. The First

**Author's Note:**

> Not my finest work, but I hope you will enjoy it none-the-less.
> 
> Comments are appreciated.  
> Not quite sure what sort of comments to leave? Here is a handy-dandy guide! (taken from [NimblesNotebook](http://nimblesnotebook.tumblr.com) on Tumblr)  
> 1\. At what point did you feel like “Ah, now the story has really begun!”  
> 2\. What were the points where you found yourself skimming?  
> 3\. Which setting in the story was clearest to you as you were reading it? Which do you remember the best?  
> 4\. Which character would you most like to meet and get to know?  
> 5\. What was the most suspenseful moment in the story?  
> 6\. If you had to pick one character to get rid of, who would you axe?  
> 7\. Was there a situation in the story that reminded you of something in your own life?  
> 8\. Where did you stop reading?  
> 9\. What was the last book/fanfic you read, before this? And what did you think of it?  
> 10\. Finish this sentence: “I kept reading because…”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas goes to a new school and meets friends and foes alike.

Roxas’ first day to his new school had him nervously sitting on the bus, chewing nails and gazing out the window.

He watched the scenery and urban life roll past, stealing glances at the new passengers that got on at various stops. Would they be his new classmates? Would he make friends with them or become mortal enemies?

He didn't really believe the latter would occur, but it paid to be vigilant and have all his worst case scenarios covered.

The bus jostled along the streets, and gradually filled with the chatter of other kids. Roxas hoped he would stay unnoticed as the new guy, and kept eyes fixated on his portion of the window whenever the bus was in motion.

Some kid who sat down next to him elbowed him sharply. Roxas’ head snapped, to glare menacingly, even though it came out looking more like terror. But the kid hadn’t done it on purpose. He were busy chatting to the two girls who sat behind Roxas. It was some small relief and his attention returned to the window, which was starting to fog up as the inside grew warmer with bodies, while the outside retained its frosty chill from the onset of winter.

The closer he got to where his new school was, the more kids he saw on foot, all heading the same way. All of a sudden something familiar made itself known to Roxas. The bus stopped at a red light and Roxas looked at the bundled up kid as he crossed the road, sporting a backpack with characters from one of Roxas’ favorite TV shows. Seeing anyone sporting merchandise from Twilight World was too strange. That show was about three times as old as Roxas was. He had grown up on a diet of retro and classic sci-fi and fantasy genres, which had long faded into obscurity. Or so Roxas always assumed.

As the bus began moving again, his wistful gaze trailed and lingered for as long as it could on the kid with the backpack. A small hope bubbled that they would be classmates.

But this didn’t turn out to be the case. As Roxas arrived at his school - an old brick multi-storey building - with each floor assigned to a specific grade - he caught no sight of familiar characters and awfully dated sci-fi special effects printed on a backpack canvas.

It was disappointing, but he didn’t have much time to dwell on it. As the new kid on the floor Roxas was kept busy being introduced to his classmates, teachers, and how the whole place ran. He was buddied up with a girl named Olette who took good care of him over the first few weeks. She introduced him to everyone, particularly her close friends Pence and Hayner. And then she, and her close knit group, continued to hang out with Roxas long after he had settled in. They all became fast friends, bonding over liking the same odd flavors of ice cream, listening to particular music together and ganging up on Hayner in their daily lunchtime games out in the school's courtyard.

Roxas liked his friends, but he continued to wistfully look out the buses window and watch Twilight Kid - as he had dubbed him in his own head - on their daily commute to school.

* * *

 

Turns out Twilight Kid actually had a name - Axel Lethbridge. He was in the year above Roxas - literally and figuratively - and appeared to be quite studious. 

Once a month, in the morning, a school wide assembly was called in the large gymnasium where updates were given and awards handed out. Sadly it was also the place they announced all new arrivals to the school, and for maximum embarrassment Roxas was called up to the stage. 

He tried to be as cool about it as possible. His three ‘friends’ - now turned betrayers - had eyed him and giggled quietly before the assembly had started, apparently finding it fun to not inform him of what would take place. So Roxas had no time to adequately prepare himself as he was called up to the front of the entire school.

Nervous jitters flooded him. Swallowing became a chore. All he was able to squeeze out into the microphone when he reached the stage was, “Um… hi,” accompanied by an inward cringe, as his tiny voice cracked over the PA system. Then he remained up there, in the back with another kid - Philippe - who was also new.

After that awfulness more kids got called up to the stage, which served as a small reprieve from the hundreds of eyes he felt boring into him and Philippe. The school apparently liked to embarrass whoever did the best in their grade. The second last person to be called up was Axel Lethbridge. 

Much to his surprise Roxas recognized the clothes this kid was wearing. They were unique - because who in their right mind would wear lime green overalls? He had seen Twilight Kid walking to school wearing that exact same shade and covered up everywhere else by a gray jacket and woolly hat for the entirety of winter.

So finally Roxas had a name to put to Twilight Kid. That was pretty awesome, and elevated an embarrassing morning to one that was pretty good.

Roxas found it difficult to tear his eyes off the guy. He had seen him around the place - for how could you miss a shade of red that color. But he had never paid him much mind. Yet for some reason - now that he knew that this was the guy he had been staring at from the bus for the past month - he liked that color. He liked the way his hair stuck up. He wanted to pay attention.

So he watched Axel nonchalantly wander down the aisle and up to the stage where he received an award for having come first in the latest pop quiz his grade had endured. He shook the principal's hand like it was nothing and sauntered casually up beside Roxas, whom he flashed a chill smile to and the tiniest of winks, before settling and staring out over the sea of other students.

Roxas thought he would pop with how cool Axel was. A good foot taller than him - awesome green eyes and an attitude which Roxas already admired from just having seen him interact with other human beings for 30 seconds. He wanted to say something - but instead found himself frozen, staring ahead and just feeling the cool aura radiating beside him.

When the assembly was all finished Roxas felt like he could finally breathe again. And he made sure to use his regained lung capacity to grill his friends as much as possible about Axel Lethbridge.

Now that Roxas knew what to look out for he could spot Axel way more easily through his school days. Down by the cafeteria, out by the playground, occasionally wandering up and down the stairs.

Month after month Axel was called up to assembly - having aced yet another exam - winning some award for a science competition the school had entered - getting the school placed in one of the top three spots of whatever competition was going around. Axel always looked unfazed. He never seemed to get shit from anyone else either about being academically gifted and the poster child for his grade. It just made Axel even cooler in Roxas’ eyes.

“I didn’t even know our school had a competitive chess club,” Roxas pondered aloud.

“More options open up with each grade. Right now we’ve only got arts and crafts and spelling bee’s,” Olette informed as they hoisted their bags to head off to their floor and get the day started.

“You like chess, Roxas?” Pence enquired.

Before Roxas could answer Hayner jumped in with a derisive tone, “Of course he likes chess if _Axel_ likes it.”

Roxas received an eyeroll and a fairly gentle shove.

“Not true, Hayner. I like chess. Dad and I used to play it. I even beat him a couple of times without him losing on purpose,” he grinned somewhat triumphantly. “Do you think they’d let me join even though I’m not in that grade?”

The guys shrugged and Hayner groaned openly. Roxas was used to it by now. Hayner used to tease Roxas about his idolization of Axel but lately he just bemoaned it instead.

“You could always go talk to Ms. Statson and see if she could talk to the other teachers,” Pence suggested as they headed towards the stairwell with everyone else.

“Maybe I will. Dad’s not got much time for me anymore. He’s busy at work. A promotion or something, and mom’s no fun and doesn't play chess. Wonder how Axel got into chess,” he mused.

Another frustrated groan sounded from Hayner.

“Why don’t you go and just _ask_ him, Rox? Your crush is right over there by the water fountain.” Hayner shoved him lightly, causing Roxas to stumble and cough as he choked lightly on his own saliva. 

“Don’t be gross, Hay. I don’t have a crush on him. No way.”

“Whatever, buddy. It’s a crush and we all know it,” Hayner jeered and dragged Roxas by his backpack until Olette stepped in and punched Hayner in the chest.

“C’mon Hayner. Quit it.”

“He talks about that guy non-stop. It’s driving me crazy. How’re we supposed to know what songs he likes or what styling products he uses? Just go _ask_ him!” Hayner stormed off, taking two stairs at a time, and leaving the other three at the bottom of the stairwell.

“What’s his problem?” Roxas muttered, straightening out his backpack from where it had been pulled into an uncomfortable position.

“Hay just really likes you, Roxas. He wants to be your BFF but you keep talking about Axel.” Pence patted Roxas’ shoulder and got them all moving again.

Roxas felt a bit stunned at that. “No I don’t.”

“You totally do,” Olette corrected.

Roxas frowned and grumbled. “So what if I do? All you guys are my best friends. I haven’t even talked to Axel. I - just think we’d be really good friends if we did talk.”

“You _do_ talk about him a lot. I mean… it’s fine, but I get why Hayner might be grumpy,” Olette offered up gently.

“I’ll… be less annoying. Promise.”

And Roxas did his best to keep to that promise. He kept his wonderings inside and tried to keep his eyes and attention focused on his friends when they were in shared spaces with other grades and Axel happened to be nearby.

Roxas didn’t really understand what his fascination with Axel was. He _definitely_ _didn’t_ have a crush. No matter how often Hayner would say it while shoving him towards the general vicinity of Axel whenever they did pass by the redhead and his group of friends. Liking girls was gross - to which Olette objected. Liking guys was even more gross. 

There was just something infinitely cool about Axel. The way he wore his hair, carried himself, and the fact that he seemed to be achieving things in all the subjects that Roxas liked most and considered himself slightly above mediocre at.

If they were in the same grade - if they were able to talk - Roxas _knew_ they would be best of friends. They’d get on great and talk about all their favorite junk together and stay up late at each other's houses, binge watching their favorite shows and coming up with fun crackpot theories about shit. And Axel would invite Roxas to do cool things - like trespass on properties just because there was an awesome tree to climb or the rumor of a cave to go and explore.

He kept thoughts like that secret, not wanting to hurt Hayner’s feelings. He really loved his friends and had a great time with them. 

As the summer break came, being away from school helped Roxas detach his thoughts somewhat from Axel. But not completely. Roxas tried to grow his hair out and spike it. Hayner’s feedback was that he looked stupid, and Roxas reluctantly had to agree with him. He would have killed to dye it bright red - thinking that would somehow improve things - but his father would have murdered him, and he definitely wanted to see what teenagehood was like before he died, so he gave up his dream and got a haircut before school resumed. Though he did continue to spike his hair a little bit and find his own style.

He didn’t do it because of any lame _crush_. No. He desperately wanted to be Axel’s friend. They’d get on great. They’d be the best of friends and talk about all their favorite junk together and stay up late at each other's houses binge watching their favorite shows and coming up with fun crackpot theories about shit. And Axel would invite Roxas to do cool things - like trespass on properties just because there was an awesome tree to climb or the rumor of a cave to go and explore.

As Roxas grew up so did his determination to definitely go talk to Axel. One day. Before he left for middle school. Definitely. Roxas had to do it before then. 

When he was in 4th grade, and was allowed to finally join the chess club he did so with great enthusiasm.

There he met Zexion, who was rather quiet but brilliant. Roxas often watched Axel challenge him to matches - which he mostly lost. He liked watching the matches because it was the closest he could get to Axel without feeling completely embarrassed and out of his depth. The guy seemed to always be surrounded by other kids.

Roxas’ plan was to befriend Zexion, who seemed a safe choice, and then consequently to be introduced to Axel.

The plan seemed to be working. He ingratiated himself with Zexion by asking for tuition and spouting over the top accolades.

One late afternoon Roxas’ wish came true. He was chatting with Zexion about a video replay from the world championships when Axel waltzed up to them.

“Zexy! How about it? I’ve got a new move I want to pull on you,” he grinned.

Roxas’ skin prickled with nerves and sweat. He’d been watching Axel from afar for well over a year like some demented stalker. Now was the time for proper introductions.

“Not today, Axel. I have research of my own to do.”

“Oh c’moooon!” he bemoaned

Roxas cleared his throat drawing Zexion’s attention and with it an expression of understanding suddenly dawned on normally cool and unfazed features.

They had spoken about this. Roxas hadn’t explicitly voiced his obsession with the redhead, but he had spoken about wanting to face Axel one day, and how overlooked he felt.

“I am busy today, Axel. But Roxas here is coming along nicely. He might pose a challenge for you.”

Green eyes drew onto Roxas, as if they had never seen him before. Roxas smiled, and hoped that he didn’t look like a nervous wreck right about now. He couldn’t croak or choke. He couldn’t look like a miserable uncool loser. Not in front of the guy he wanted to impress.

Hard lump was swallowed. “Hey, pleased to meet you.” Roxas offered his hand but didn’t have it taken. Green eyes just scrutinized and frowned.

“How long’ve you been here for?”

“Eh… I - joined the club beginning of the year.”

“A newbie. Zex, c’mon, you can’t be serious.”

“Give him a chance, Axel.” Zexion got up and gathered his things. “I’ll be going to the library if you need me,” and with that he left.

“H-how about it, Axel? You can practice on me.” Roxas tried to squeeze out a confident smile.

Axel sighed and clicked his tongue. “Nah. Sorry er -”

“Roxas,” he said quietly.

“Yeah, sorry. Maybe another time.” He waved without casting any more glances at Roxas and walked back to the front of the room where a match was in full swing.

Roxas wasn’t good enough. Complete defeat and humiliation began to lap at his psyche.

So he grew determined to get called up to the front of assembly - because he was going to top everything that Axel ever got called up for.

* * *

Roxas applied himself over the next few months before school finished for the year, and before Axel would leave for middle school. At this point Roxas didn't even care about being friends. He just wanted to be thought of as worthwhile and maybe rub Axel's attitude in his face.

‘ _Roxas Barton.’_

‘ _Roxas Barton.’_

‘ _Roxas Barton.’_

‘ _Roxas Barton.’_

He stood proudly on that stage - next to Axel and some other kids from the grades below him. Axel always smiled at him the same way - casual, uncaring, unrecognizing - and in silence.

Axel didn't pay Roxas any attention and never asked to play chess against him - though he'd ask plenty of others. It made Roxas grit his teeth, made him hot and cause his heart to pound. He would come home grumpy so he threw himself into his studies because he was going to outshine Axel in everything he did.

But nothing changed and the last day of school arrived, bringing with it the last chance to be friends. It only dawned on Roxas that this had been his goal all along for the last two years but he had poured all his energy into trying to outdo the guy.

He had gotten up in a panic, raced around his room and ended up grabbing a duplicate he had of a rare trading card from Twilight World. He popped it into an envelope with some fanart he had done a while ago and raced off to his bus stop.

The day passes without much opportunity or courage to speak to, or walk up to Axel, and hand the parting gift to him. But it was all right because there would be one last opportunity.

There was an end of day assembly to wish the going-out grade all the best. Speeches were given, awards handed out and then everyone rose as music played and the grade walked down the aisle and back outside to mingle, take photos and say goodbye to teachers and fellow students.

Walking out of the assembly hall, students could be seen mulling around with their parents. Roxas was on the lookout for Axel and spied him… standing alone, looking at the pile of certificates he had been awarded at the ceremony.

Roxas frowned but breathed in some courage and walked towards him. This was his last chance.

“Axel.”

“Hmm?” He turned around, a look of interest on his face, which fell as soon as he saw Roxas.

“I, ah. I wanted to give this to you.” He handed Axel the envelope. This was it. Axel would open it and it would also open up their friendship.

Green eyes scrutinized, but took the envelope. “What's this.”

“I know you like Twilight World so…” Roxas looked down at the backpack Axel had parked at his feet.

The glance was acknowledged with Axel's own, and then he opened the envelope and pulled out the drawing.

Roxas suddenly felt exceptionally nervous.

“Cool,” were the words which drawled out of Axel. “That's Layla, right?”

“Yeah. Smashing Prantix.” A nervous smile flicked onto Roxas’ face, which grew into a big grin when Axel laughed.

“Yeah, he totally sucks, doesn't he!”

Roxas nodded. He thought his face would bend out of shape of he kept smiling like this.

“Well thanks for this. Layla's awesome and kicks so much butt.”

“Oh there's also -,” Roxas pointed at the envelope, making Axel take another look.

His eyes went wide as he pulled out the card. “No freaking way! Atroni Station! This is like super rare. You're giving it to me?” Wide green eyes of disbelief hit Roxas. 

Those green eyes were just so freaking cool. Roxas pulled himself out of that thought. He shrugged, trying to be as chilled as possible. “I've got a second one. It's no big deal.”

Axel scoffed at that and held the card aloft. “Whatever dude. It kinda _is_ a big deal. But if you're happy for me to have it - instead of making a bajillion munny with this, then I won't say no.”

“Keep it.”

“Awesome. Thanks.” Axel put the card and drawing back in the envelope and stuffed it into his backpack, which he then hoisted onto his shoulder. Smiling eyes returned to Roxas. “So how you even know the show? It's kinda older than both of us put together.”

They both laughed at that. Roxas was internally fist pumping and cheering like crazy. He should totally have done this two years ago. “Well my dad sat me down and basically forced me to watch it until I fell in love with it. Which didn't take long,” he beamed. “What about you? Did your dad show it to you, too?”

It's like a cold wind blew through. Axel's eyes narrowed. “Who are you again?”

Roxas felt taken aback and coughed slightly. “Roxas Barton.”

Axel looked confused. “Are you new to the school?” it seemed like a genuine question, and not just something Axel was putting out there to be mean.

Roxas shook his head. What was happening right now? They were about to become the best of friends and now… “We were in the same chess club. I'm the one who always stood next to you at assembly this year…” His voice grew smaller and smaller.

Axel’s expression remained confused looking. His brow furrowed as he seemed to struggle to place Roxas.

He should have gotten mad. How dare Axel not remember him. But all he felt was worthless and it dug deeply into him, bringing with it a tightening of his face and a choking sob.

Axel's face lightened. “Are you… crying?”

“No,” Roxas squeaked, rubbing at eyes and trying to wear an angry scowl.

Axel laughed. “You totally are!” And he laughed more.

That was all Roxas could bare. The sting in his eyes grew bigger, the tears spilled. He turned and walked away as fast as he could without having to resort to running, while Axel's laugh continued to ring through the air.


	2. The Second

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas’ life moves on, but old feelings and habits remain.

Roxas was glad he didn't need to see Axel after that day. He was happy to finish his final year of elementary school being able to avoid the humiliation he had felt that last day. He never told his friends what he had attempted to do and pushed Axel as far out of his mind as he could.

He focused on his studies - but not quite as much, as now he had no one to chase and no one to want to stand next to on that stage.

Roxas still got called up some months, but nowhere as frequently as before, and the year went by filled with increasing work loads and more time hanging out at his friends places.

His middle school years passed relatively uneventful. Axel hadn't been at the public school Roxas had attended. He had admitted to himself that he had been nervous and excited about seeing Axel again. He had also felt huge relief when it didn't eventuate.

Roxas had gotten up to more mischief with his friends than was probably good for him, but the majority of the time - when he was learning subjects he enjoyed - he behaved.

The years passed, puberty hit and things between his friends changed, as Pence and Hayner both vied for Olette’s attention. The fact that Roxas was the only one acting normal drew her closer to him, which in turn grew a bigger wedge between himself and the other two. This proved to be a problem until the day that Roxas decided to just own that he was probably gay and tell his friends.

This eased some tension and they all moved into their freshman year at high school.

It wasn't prestigious, or glamorous, but it was great to finally be there. A little bit run down, and the halls smelling musty and teenagers everywhere you looked.

The first day of school was intimidating. All the freshmen had to attend a day early to have orientation. He found most of his classes with ease and the one time he did get completely lost he met a nice girl by the name of Xion, whom he ended up sharing the rest of his classes with, as well as sharing a lot of laughs.

The next day of school was a little more intimidating as the whole school returned. It was raucous and chaotic. Roxas had nearly been run over twice, before he ever got to his locker.

He has his head deep inside the thin metal cage when he heard it. The sound scratched at his brain, and as it sounded again ice ran down his spine and his stomach grew a hard lump. He pulled his head out of the gloom and let his eyes scrawl across the garish hallway and rest on longer red hair and lanky limbs, clad in what looked like faux leather.

The first time Roxas had lain eyes on Axel he hadn't known his name. All he had known was that he wanted to be friends.

Yet this second time he saw him, Roxas wanted to sink into the floor as he eyed the redhead stalking the halls with an intimidating crowd hanging around him. They were loud, laughed, jeering, and Axel seemed to be laughing the loudest as he slammed freshman after freshman into their lockers as the group passed. It looked painful - and not only because Axel had far more body piercings, spiked hair and clothes with more metal attached than actual leather.

Roxas wanted to run away but felt stuck in place. He couldn't imagine anything worse than to have Axel recognize him and slam him against hard metal and laugh extra derisively into his face.

He tensed up as the group approached. Eyes shut, involuntarily and then - nothing. The troupe passed - completely ignoring Roxas.

And that was the pattern. Roxas was completely ignored and almost invisible to Axel and his gang, while they caused strife for myriads of other freshmen.

Roxas considered himself lucky to go unnoticed for years, though sometimes he found himself still yearning for a friendship which never was. Axel still looked and acted cool.

Teachers didn't ever seem able to contain him. He ruled the roost, when it came to all grades below him. Every year that passed Roxas made a habit of watching Axel slam freshmen into lockers. He watched Axel go around offering smokes to everyone and laughing as they coughed on their first puff. And yet Roxas was never one of them. Axel continued to ignore him.

Roxas let it slide. He was nowhere near as obsessed with Axel, as he had once been - for he had reluctantly admitted this small fact to himself several years ago.

But one morning he was rummaging through his room, looking for a CD he had promised to lend to Pence, when he found his Twilight World trading cards. He had kept them all in a special tin as a keepsake. It made him wonder if Axel had held on to that stuff he had given him so many years ago now.

It weighed on his mind that day and caused his friends to worry as Roxas sat unresponsive in the cafeteria, poking at his food.

“Roxas.” A hand appeared on his own, drawing Roxas’ eyes up and a startled ‘Huh,” out of his throat.

“What’s the matter, Roxas?” Xion piped up.

“Nothing,” he moved his hand out from under hers.

“Don’t bullshit us, man,” Hayner ordered, which made Roxas scowl.

“It’s really nothing. Leave me alone. I just had a shit nights sleep,” Roxas grumbled, finding the energy to dig into his meal.

“We’ve seen you without sleep. It’s never like this,” Olette observed casually.

“Yeah, exactly,” Hayner confirmed.

Roxas ignored them and wondered if he could shovel the food in any faster so he could excuse himself and go sulk somewhere in peace.

“You know,” Pence spoke up gently, “he _did_ used to get like this whenever he felt ignored by Axel. Is Axel causing you problems?” Pence asked, sounding supportive.

Hayner groaned. “Serious? _This_ again?”

Roxas glared. “It’s not. Just drop it.”

“Oh God, it _totally_ is,” Hayner groaned again, much louder.

“What is it?” Xion asked, wanting to know all the gossip.

“Roxas was obsessed with Axel in elementary school. Looks like he’s still all hung up about him even now.”

“Fuck you, Hayner. I’m _not_ ,” Roxas slammed his fist on the table, causing their trays to shift and clatter.

“Then why’re you so upset?” his friend spat back.

“I’m leaving. I’ll see you in class, Xion.” Roxas grabbed his bag and tray and stalked off, ignoring Olette and Pence's’ attempts to sooth and call him back.

Roxas _wasn’t_ obsessed. Not anymore. He just had a lot on his mind today. Why was Axel ignoring him? Was he truly that forgettable? Axel had jeered and made fun of all his other friends… even when they were all standing together - but he always glanced right over Roxas. Like he didn’t exist. Like he was invisible. Why?

The halls were still populated by students, but it wasn’t quite as crowded. Roxas kept his head down as he stalked towards his room, but his eyes drew up as he heard that familiar laugh which felt like it was burned into his eardrums.

Axel was hanging out near a water fountain as one of his cronies filled up a water bottle. Roxas steeled himself against - he didn’t even know what. Axel would just ignore him as he stormed past. He supposed it was the one benefit of being ignored by the school bully.

He kept walking, while the frown on his face grew more concrete. But then his feet slowed as he walked past. Roxas suddenly had an out-of-body experience. He saw himself lift his head and turn it towards Axel. He saw his mouth open and energetic words tumble out, “Hey Axel,” accompanied by an actual wave.

Laughter and chatter stopped and eyes turned towards Roxas. “Do I know you?” came a dismissive quirk of brow, and a tone dripping in boredom.

Somehow it knocked the wind out of Roxas. “I -.” It was like his worst fears were being realized - though he didn’t know what those fears even were. He had kind of actually expected this kind of response from Axel - what he hadn't anticipated however had been the tears which came.

Roxas didn't understand his own response. He turned and stalked away to the sound of laughter.

Xion found him in their classroom. The hurtful tears had long dried and Roxas had distracted himself by going over his homework.

“Hey Roxas, you’re not upset are you?”

“No. It’s fine,” he muttered. When there was no reply from Xion he looked up to see her frowning at him. “It’s really nothing. Really.”

“Hayner said you haven’t been like this for a long time. So what happened?”

Roxas stayed quiet for a moment, scribbling nervously in his notebook. “I… the idea of wanting to be friends with him just popped into my head again,” he shrugged.

“Why would you want to be friends with someone like _that_?” Xion’s voice was rife with distaste. She shuffled around and took a seat next to Roxas.

“He… I don’t think he used to be such a colossal asshole back in elementary.”

“What was he like then?”

“Well he was way more into studying and learning. I always saw him with a Twilight World backpack -”

“That’s that show you tried to get me to watch, right?”

“Yeah. I always figured we’d make good friends. But now he’s just a dickhead. That stuff just got brought back for me. I’ll be okay again tomorrow, you’ll see.” He flashed a smile, which seemed to make Xion happy.

“All right. But if you’re not then I will have to take some drastic actions to cheer you up.”

“Thanks Xion,” he smiled.

* * *

 

Roxas decided to stop caring and to stop holding on to whatever it was he had been holding on to. He no longer felt offended at being ignored, and ignored Axel’s existence right back. It worked fine up until Roxas’ second last year of school.

He had been doing quite well and his school ran a tutoring program, which he had been strongly encouraged to participate in. So he had, and he enjoyed it, so he kept at it. He helped out several kids younger than him who were struggling with certain subjects. Midway through the year he was asked to tutor a senior, which had blown Roxas’ mind. The head of the program talked Roxas into it - stating he had gotten so much good feedback from all the kids Roxas had tutored previously that he thought Roxas would be a great fit.

So after school one day Roxas waited in a classroom. He never knew anyones names at the start of these things, preferring to get to know the students in person, rather than receiving a full report from the faculty.

But his worst nightmare walked through that door. Roxas gawked. His mouth actually fell open.

“Who are you?”

Roxas’ mouth shut again. His face turning to rock. “Your fucking tutor, now take a seat.”

Axel sighed and sauntered over, begrudgingly taking a seat. “Do I at least get a name?”

“Mr. Barton to you, asshole.”

“Woah, what’d I ever do to you, tightarse.”

Nothing, was the answer - on so many unbearable levels. “Tell me what subjects you suck at and we’ll get that sorted out first.”

Axel looked at him with one raised eyebrow. “No, wait. I think… I do know you. You’re… Mmm, just gimmie a moment. I got a terrible memory.” Axel’s face scrunched up and he tapped at his head. It really looked like a considerable effort.

Something fluttered deep inside of Roxas’ chest-cavity, but he was pissed off. “Stop wasting both our times and let's just get on with this.”

“No, no. Wait… I’ve… got it. You’re -,” Axel’s lip quirked up into a lopsided smirk. “Ah - that crybaby.”

Roxas’ eyes narrowed and heat spread to his face. “I can just let you flunk. Not my problem if you never amount to anything in your pathetic life.”

“Ouch,” Axel laughed. “Lead the way then to my bright and scholastic future, Mr. Branthom.”

“Barton.” 

“Whatever.” Axel placed feet on desk and reclined in his chair, with arms behind his head.

Roxas sighed in exasperation, shoved feet off the surface and hoisted several books up onto the desk so Axel could pick the subjects he was struggling with the most.

Roxas could already see the long and painful weeks ahead of himself.

* * *

 

The afternoons spent with Axel were far from enjoyable. Roxas had to defuse or ignore Axel's belligerent and defiant remarks.

“You know how embarrassing this is for me, being seen getting tuition from someone _below_ me?” Axel had crowd one day, coming in wearing a ridiculous hat which covered most his face and pulled off massive sunglasses.

“Can't believe it's any more embarrassing than walking around in that get-up,” Roxas dismissed.

“That should give you some indication of how bad _this_ is then, oh teacher of mine.”

Other times he’d curse under his breath, grumble, keep looking at his watch and do other irritating things. He made spitballs and paper aeroplanes, which Roxas inevitably had to clean up. Axel also bounced a rubber-band ball when Roxas took his eyes off the miscreant to mark some papers. The _tonk, tonk, tonk_ grated Roxas’ nerves.

“Can you stop that?”

“Why?”

“It's annoying and you're supposed to be working on equations,” he tapped his pen on the desk for emphasis.

“What you gonna do if I don't stop?” Axel grinned with pure mischief.

Roxas snatched the ball as it bounced high after a particularly loud throw-down.

“Give it back.”

“It's going in the bin.”

“Dude, don't. I'm super proud of that ball. Took me five months to get it to that size.”

Roxas weighed it in hand. He was mildly impressed, but hoped it didn’t show.

“I didn't even use paper as a starter, like most weaklings. It's 100% A-grade elastic bands.”

“You want an award for that?” came Roxas sardonic remark.

“I'd like it back. And maybe a kiss,” came the sly retort.

Roxas glared. “It's going in the bin then.”

Axel groaned, “Alright, alright, geez. No need to be a total homophobe. No kiss, but I'd still like it back.”

“Only if you put it away and keep it out of my sight.”

“You're such a fucking old man. I'm just trying to have some fun here.”

Roxas made a move towards the garbage can.

“Okay, okay. I'm sorry, Mr. Barton,” Axel sulked.

Roxas handed it back, intentionally dropping it into Axel’s lap instead of the outstretched hand.

Axel flinched and cried out in protest. Roxas’ aim apparently having been spot on.

“Dude!” he groaned.

“What? You wanted it back, you got it back,” Roxas laughed a little.

“People are wrong about you. You’re a real asshole,” Axel sulked.

“Only to the people I don’t like.”

“I’m your pupil. You’re supposed to shower me with encouragement and positive affirmations, dumbass.”

“I encourage you to focus and get this stuff right, so you don’t end up in a dead end job. Now get back to it.”

“Fine. Funny way of showing you care about me though.”

Roxas ignored any thoughts around caring even an iota about the guy, and pointed towards the books.

* * *

 

Axel continued to be irritating. He hummed, tapped, and scribbled ridiculous notes in the margins of the papers Roxas provided him with.

It was an exhausting experience. The only reprieve Roxas seemed to get was on the rare occasions when they would have a seemingly civil conversation. But Roxas was wary of anything that looked too friendly… because inevitably it seemed to turn towards the spiteful or belittling.

One late afternoon they were having a small breakwhen the cordial enough - by Axel standards - question was asked -

“So what's wrong with you?”

“Excuse me?”

“You know - why waste your precious youth on idiots like me? You could be outside - being normal and having fun.”

“I do normal things and have fun. You're the only one I see after school.”

“Should I feel honored?”

“Yup.”

“Fuck that! Something's definitely wrong with you. I wouldn't sacrifice my free time for no one and nothing,” Axel snapped.

“I guess we're different then,” Roxas shrugged.

“There's absolutely something wrong with you. You don't have the hots for me do you?”

Roxas scoffed. “You're the most unattractive person I've ever seen.”

“Good. I don't dress like this to come across as approachable,” Axel gestured to his ripped, grungy looking attire, which he wore like a comfortable pair of broken in sneakers.

“Well it's working, and your personality goes right along with it.”

Axel’s eyebrow quirked. There might have been a smile hidden somewhere underneath the pale makeup and sour veneer, but if there was Roxas would never see it.

“Thanks,” Axel snapped, and followed it up with some postulation, “So what the hell do you get out of this then? Maybe you're an attention whore. I've seen some of the younger students coming up to you like,” Axel put on a squeaky voice, “ _‘Oh please notice me senpai. Oh Roxas you are so helpful._ ’ Bet it gives you a big head, especially when it's from the pretty girls, huh?”

Roxas had actually been surprised to hear that Axel had been paying some sort of attention to himself outside of this particular arrangement. But the befuddled wonder died away when Axel's crass assumptions raised their pathetic head.

“Whatever.”

“Bet you got a real God complex, huh. Probably a huge narcissist - needing constant validation.”

Roxas kind of appreciated all of Axel’s bullshit. It gave him plenty of practice to truly not care and to get over - whatever it was he had once had for this dick. “You know, Axel - I don't really need to be here, and neither do you. I'm doing this because I actually like to be helpful, but you seriously need way more help them just with your studies. You need to learn how to be a God damn decent human being, instead of the pile of garbage you are.”

They glared at each other from across the desk.

“I do _actually_ have to be here, or I fail.”

“I thought you didn’t give a shit about your future.”

“I don’t. I know I’ll be fine no matter what I do. But I'll be fucked if I have to repeat a year and be in your fucking grade.”

“Trust me, I wouldn't want that either,” Roxas retorted with defiance.

“Good, so help me get good at this shit. But don't think I'll ever do anything to feed your blatant God complex. You ain't gonna get that shit from me. I know how lame you really are.”

“Good, the last thing I’d want is your attention. So get focused and do these activities. The sooner I can be rid of you the better.”

With the mutual agreement that they hated being around each other their study session could finally continue.

* * *

 

When Roxas wasn’t busy explaining things to Axel he sat and pondered his own homework and projects. It worked out well enough because afterwards he could go home with a clear conscience when he spent hours playing video games or catching up on TV shows.

He usually got through most of it unperturbed, but sometimes Axel took an interest. And he’d take an interest in the most irritating ways possible. 

“That’s wrong, y’know.”

“Bit me.”

“Sure, but that won’t change the fact that that answer is wrong.” Axel reached over and grabbed for Roxas’ arm, pulling it towards his bared teeth.

Roxas yanked his arm free. “I don’t think it’s wrong. Anyway, you’re the one failing this subject, not me.”

“Suit yourself. You’ll see I’m right though.”

When Roxas got his paper back a few days later he found that Axel had been right. He slammed it down in front of Axel when they met for their tutoring session, and was met with a smug smirk.

“Told ya. I used to be good at this kinda stuff once upon a time, y’know.”

Of course Roxas knew. He remembered all the assemblies during elementary school and how much he admired Axel back then. It was kind of painful to think about it actually - to see how much this guy had changed over the years. “Used to be? What went wrong with you?”

Axel scoffed, “I found more interesting things in life. Smokes, weed - girls,” Axel winked. “Plus your assignments are baby assignments. I had to do the exact same ones last year,” he laughed. 

“So you _can_ get stuff done.”

“Oh no. I know nothing. I just copied the whole thing off someone else last year. All it cost me was fingering this chick underneath the gymnasium bleachers,” he laughed.

Roxas’ face scrunched up with distaste. “Bullshit excuses.”

“Nah. I'm completely dumb.”

“Bullshit. Who's been telling you this crap?”

“What makes you think anyone's been telling me anything? What makes you think that I can’t see the truth when it stares me in the face every morning?”

Roxas’ blood began to boil a little. “Because all the kids I’ve met who aren’t doing great have had someone tell them that they were useless - that they suck. And then they believe that shit about themselves and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. So who’s responsible for you giving up, Axel?”

Axel smiled, “My, aren't you passionate.”

Roxas took his seat, briefly embarrassed that he had risen out of his chair. He softened and let the heart deep out a little. “You're not dumb, Axel. I've seen kids struggle. I've seen them completely not get shit. And it's not ‘cause their dumb either. But it’s harder for them. And when kids like that get told they are hopeless - on top of already finding things hard - then they really start believing it and falling behind. But you’re different. You don’t struggle with this stuff.”

“I do.”

“You don’t,” he fired back a little. “You get shit wrong on purpose. I don’t get what the point of it is, but you totally do that.”

Axel laughed in that way which grated on Roxas’ nerves. “You say it’s ‘cause I’m not dumb. So tell me, my guru, if it’s not because of that then what is it?” came the drawl.

Roxas sat pensively, thinking it through. Axel always looked bored. He always had to do things to entertain himself. “It's… maybe you’ve got some kinda attention deficit disorder.”

“Great, so there’s something wrong with me, huh?”

Roxas shrugged. “I dunno. I’m not a doctor. I’m just throwing it out there.”

“You’re wrong again anyway. I’ve been to doctors and it ain't ADHD. I’m just dumb.”

It made Roxas groan. “Stop calling yourself dumb, you idiot.”

That made Axel laugh.

“I think you're just lazy. Something happened and you don't care anymore. You don't care about others, or yourself, or your future. - When I force you, you get through all the materials I assign, and you get the really hard stuff right, but flunk on the easy stuff. So I don’t buy this ‘acting dumb’ stuff. You understand and you get it. So… ,” he shrugged.

Axel’s good cheer seemed to falter, and his cocky smug smile turned into a hard line. Quiet glares were given between them.

Roxas wasn't sure if he had hit the nail on the head or if Axel was purely bored of their conversation. It truly didn’t matter either way. With no more smartass comebacks being given Roxas decided it was best to start the tuition session. He was able to proceed without too much fuss or complaint from Axel. In fact, Axel stayed rather quiet through the whole thing, which unnerved Roxas somewhat.

At the end of the session when Axel had finished, and Roxas had marked his work, a deep scowl sat on Roxas’ face.

“Looks like you were wrong about me, huh,” Axel triumphantly declared as Roxas handed him back the paper with everything marked in red, as every single answer had been incorrect.

Roxas just sighed.

* * *

 

They weren't together all that long. Axel's schooling was almost over as his grade was about to finish up and prepare to sit all their final exams. Roxas felt a little sentimental at their last tutoring session. The last month they had spent together had been the most they had ever communicated. It had been far from cordial. Friends status had never been reached. They weren’t even buddy-buddy with each other. There was some regret embedded deep inside of Roxas. He wished that things could have been different, but he was also quite happy to let go of all his flights of fancy regarding ever being friends with Axel. Roxas had no parting gift to give the guy. He’d just wish him well and be done with it.

They sat across from each other, books strewn across the broad desk and only their side of the classroom illuminated by the ceiling light. Axel was being his usually, non-caring self and belligerently tapping out a tune on the desk with his pen, while Roxas was trying to double check the work he had just completed.

“So what’re you gonna do after you finish school?” Roxas asked to try and get Axel to stop being so irritating.

Axel shrugged. “Dunno. Go work as a janitor so I can have headphones on all day and not have to pay attention to little shits like you.” 

Roxas didn't look up, nor did he have to. He heard the broad grin in that voice. “Good for you, Axel. Chase your dreams,” he said with little enthusiasm.

An amused snort sounded. “What about you? I know you still got a year to go but what're you gonna do when all this hell is over?”

“Mm… not sure. Maybe take a break before going to University.”

“Oh, aiming high, ey? No Tech school for you,” Axel laughed under his breath.

“You think I'm a snob?” Roxas glanced up to see a small, dismissive shrug.

“What’re you planning to do at Uni?” Axel threw out for a shift in the topic.

“Maybe engineering, or computing. Something in the sciences.”

“Why the sciences?”

“Eh… why not? It interests me.”

“I don’t think you’re very good at it.”

Roxas glared sharply. “Excuse me, Mr. Future Janitor, but what the fuck would you know about it?”

“I just think you’d be better suited to something else, is all,” Axel mumbled somewhat.

Roxas could hardly wait to hear what spiteful job occupation Axel would come up with for him. “Like what?” he barked, voice dripping with defensive exhaustion.

“Not saying you’re good at anything - ‘cause your head shouldn’t get any bigger than it already is, but - you seem to have a passion for teaching,” Axel stated while bouncing a wadded up piece paper in the air. “So maybe the social sciences instead.”

Roxas looked at him, a confused frown growing on his face. Axel eyed him and missed bouncing the ball of paper. “What, you don’t agree with me? You don’t have a passion for this? You just like telling people what to do? Always knew it,” Axel grinned and resumed his juggling activity.

“No. I really like the sciences though.”

“So become a science teacher. Easy.”

It was something Roxas had never considered. But maybe… . Roxas shook himself out of whatever blank mental state he had gotten himself into. “Well… thanks for that suggestion.”

“Any time. I’m full of brilliant ideas.”

“Like your janitor career track? Is that really your dream?”

“What else is a guy s’posed to do when he’s already racked up a criminal history.” Axel shrugged and fell quiet.

Roxas didn’t have anything to say about that. He had heard things about Axel’s misdemeanours. It made the guy even more deplorable and it pissed Roxas off that he was having a semblance of a meaningful conversation with the guy. 

He stopped giving it further thought though and returned to grading Axel’s work in peace. He didn’t have to pay too much attention to the answers. Axel had stopped messing around and pretending to be the world's dumbest student. He got everything right in the last couple of weeks, so Roxas could mull over what Axel had said about becoming a teacher, while he browsed the paper. 

When he was finished he eyed Axel, who was busy gazing up at the ceiling. A tinge of sadness washed through Roxas. He felt like Axel was lost because he had given up on himself. All the rumors Roxas had ever heard about the guy just seemed like a cry for attention. Roxas wondered what had happened in Axel’s life to have made him this way. Surely the guy was too young to have such a messed up existence already. 

Roxas didn’t want to come off as patronizing, but he wanted to leave Axel with _something_. Something inspirational. Something to help him in some way. “You can be a janitor if you want, but if there are actual passions you’ve got then… do yourself a favor and go after them. Don’t shoehorn yourself into believing garbage about yourself.” That was as good as it was gonna get?

Roxas’ mouth opened to add something further, “And -” He quickly shut up though, and a quiet sound of dissatisfaction seeped out of the back of his throat. He couldn’t say it out loud. Axel’s opinion of him would probably slip even lower than where it already stood. Not that it mattered… not really. But Roxas didn’t want to embarrass himself.

“And?” Axel prompted.

Roxas scribbled the words he had thought of on the end of Axel's paper. Let the guy think of him as being an idiot. But let him think it when Roxas wasn’t there to witness the dumb laughter. “And good luck in whatever it is you’re gonna do after this. I think you're cut out for a lot more than you think, and you shouldn’t sell yourself short - no matter what’s in your past. Don't make choices you're going to regret.” He handed the paper back to Axel and gathered up his things.

“Thanks, oh wise one.”

Roxas glanced up at him. Axel was busy shoving everything into his bag. Roxas wasn’t sure if that comment had been in sarcasm or an actual reference to Twilight World. It has _sounded_ sarcastic but in the context of the show it had always meant reverence. Yet ultimately it didn’t matter. Roxas resigned himself to the fact that he would never know. He would never have a friendship, and he would never see Axel again.

And he was okay with that.


	3. Isles of Destiny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas makes new friends and figures out what to do with his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit content below.

His final year of schooling was rather uneventful. He did well n all his studies, continued to enjoy his tutoring work, and was inundated with well wishes, praise and cards by those he had tutored when he was finally done.

He spent as much time as possible with his friends before they went off to college. At least once a week they met at their favorite cafe and this evening was no exception. But the time for Roxas to be alone was imminent and it weighed on him.

“Oh cheer up, Roxas. It’s not the end of the world.” Xion dropped the fork on her now empty plate

“To you it might not be - you guys get to hang out at college together. I’ll never see you again and we won’t be friends anymore.”

“You’re being a drama queen. We’ll still see each other. College is just a few districts over,” Hayner dismissed.

“You're assuming I'll be living around here. I might go to a uni clear across the country.” Roxas hadn't decided what he was going to do and where he was going to do it at. From the minuscule research he had done there were no schools within his city which offered specialized sciences and teaching. So he knew he'd have to go far away, unless he scrapped that entire idea and went with something else. It was headache inducing.

“We’ve been hanging out for ten years. You can’t tell me something as silly as us going to college and you going to university - even if it _is_ far away - is going to stop us from being friends,” Olette stated.

“I hope you’re right,” Roxas muffled against the drink he had been cradling against his lips for the past few minutes.

“Look on the bright side. No matter where you end up you’ll meet new people,” Pence offered up.

“New people are hard. It was way easy to make friends with you guys. We were young and naive and were happy to be with each other. But there’s a reason I haven’t made more friends since then.”

Xion cleared her throat. “What am I then? We met in High School.”

“You’re awesome and special and who wouldn’t want to be your friend?” Roxas defended.

Xion smiled in response, before covertly gesturing across the room. “Why couldn't you be friends with that guy?”

Roxas followed the direction Xion had indicated, and sighed. He’d been occasionally eyeballing that man since he had walked into the cafe. “He's too hot. I'd completely fall for him.”

“So? What's wrong with that?”

“Pretty sure he's with someone.”

“What? No.”

Hayner laughed, “Haven't you noticed Rox glancing over that way for the past hour? He's been watching and assessing his chances.”

“Really?” Wide blue eyes landed on Roxas.

“Not assessing,” Roxas waved off. “Just depressing myself that all the hot guys in this world are taken - straight - or complete assholes.”

“What you like about that guy anyway?” Hayner questioned, as he casually stared across the divide, trying to comprehend being attracted to men.

“You getting jealous, Hay?” Olette teases.

“Nah, just trying to figure out Rox’s type so I can be a better wingman.”

“You can't be a wingman, since you're leaving me,” Roxas moped.

“Hey, you're the one who’s technically leaving _us_. You knew our plans. Got no one but yourself to blame.”

“Maybe I will go to college. I don't really know yet.”

“Don't throw away your dreams and ambitions just because we're going a different route,” Xion encouraged.

Roxas sighed and pouted. He couldn't get himself to cheer up today. It was just one of those days.

“Don't be so gloomy, Roxas. I think it's great that you're taking time off to think about it. I kind of wish I had done the same,” Pence lamented.

“Don't catch Rox's self-doubt, Pence,” Hayner warned. “We're making the right decisions. So anyway, what you like about that guy?”

Roxas appreciated the change of subject. He took in the tall and muscular frame from afar. The guy wore a tight tank top and baggy pants. “His arms.”

“They're pretty dreamy” Olette enthused in delight.

“Yeah, there's a man who you'd feel safe with being held all night,” Xion sighed dreamily.

“What's wrong with having well-toned arms instead of massive tree trunks? I could hold all of you,” Hayner groaned, making the girls giggle.

“Please, your chicken arms couldn't hold a basket of eggs safe.” Olette's remark caused even Roxas to snigger and Hayner looked offended.

“Nothing personal, Hay. It’s not just his arms. I like his long hair too. Bet he smells really nice,” Roxas breathed out wistfully.

“You've never had a boyfriend, right Roxas?” Xion inquired, to which Roxas shook his head.

“Time to change that!” She lept up.

Roxas had panic wash over him. “What? No! He's with someone! Xion, don’t you dare!” he choked out.

“Yeah he might not be available but he might have hot single gay friends.” Xion rushed across the room and Roxas groaned, burying his head in his arms from embarrassment.

“I can’t watch. What’s happening?”

“She’s talking to him.” - “They’re looking at us.” - “He’s blowing you a kiss.”

“What?” Roxas looked up, startled to see Xion and the guy looking at them and waving.

Hayner laughed.

“Liar.” Roxas glared at Hayner but returned his attention to Xion. He saw her talking to the hot guy and then the brunette he’d seen hang around returned and more enthusiastic chatter, cheerful looks, and waves were given.

Roxas’ face and neck continued to grow hotter and hotter. “This is some kinda punishment for me abandoning you guys, isn’t it?”

“Totally,” Olette grinned.

“They’re walking over,” Pence informed in a hushed tone.

“Ah fuck.” Roxas chased the frown away and put on a big smile as Xion came back with the two guys in tow.

“So this is Riku, and this is his boyfriend, Sora.”

_‘Of course’,_ was Roxas’ dismal thought, as he took in how nice and friendly the two guys looked.

“They’re in town, just passing through. This is Pence, Olette, Hayner and of course, Roxas,” Xion beamed.

“Hi, Roxas. Xion told us you’d like a hug?” the guy named Riku questioned, with some amusement reverberating in his voice.

“No. It’s really all right. My friends are just being shitty to me.”

“Riku’s awesome at hugs though,” Riku’s boyfriend enthused way too energetically.

“No, no. It’s really all right.”

“A handshake then?” came the calm offer and outstretched hand.

Roxas looked at it and then into serene teal eyes. God Riku was beautiful. Roxas’ heart thumped with extra vigor. He stretched out his hand, praying it wasn’t as clammy as he felt all over.

Before he knew what was happening he was pulled out of his seat and sexy muscular arms were around him, pushing him close to warm chest. Roxas heard the cheerful laughter of his friends as well as the unfamiliar gleeful giggle of Sora, while Riku’s quiet chuckle throbbed through Roxas’ heart.

He was slowly released.

“Will that do?” came the gentle question.

It was too late. Roxas was beyond embarrassed. He felt certain that he was as red as a beetroot, and he knew his voice was useless. So he just nodded and thought he would drown in that smile. But a hand clapped him on the shoulder, drawing him out of the spell he had been bound by. He stared with stunned, wide-eyes into bright blues of the brunette. The cheery smile was so warm, friendly and insanely compelling.

“See, great hugs, right?”

Roxas’ head began moving up and down slowly, and then with more vigor, which made Sora’s smile grow even bigger.

“Sora’s hugs are great too,” Riku’s voice drifted to ears.

“Aww,” Sora looked embarrassed for a fraction of a second but then got out with confidence, “You wanna see?” to Roxas.

He thought it would be too rude to refuse, so - still somewhat speechless nodded again, and was instantaneously caught up in a massive bear hug. It grew tighter when Riku joined in, and then it was all over again.

“We’re friends now. If you ever need a hug give us a call, okay?”

Roxas was left dazed and bewildered, holding a piece of paper with Sora’s number and watching both men leave the cafe. He waved weakly after them as they disappeared and then sunk back into his seat.

Words finally began to form as he settled back down, still staring after the two stran- _friends_ \- Roxas corrected himself. Sora had said they were friends now. “They both smelt really nice.”

Olette giggled with amusement. “They were so nice,” and everyone else agreed.

Roxas cut through their excited chatter with harsh grumpiness, “That was completely embarrassing!”

“Oh, what's it matter? You got a phone number out of it and made two new friends. I think that’s the best outcome for an embarrassing situation,” Xion hummed gleefully.

Roxas hadn’t much to say for himself. He just stared at the phone number and finished his drink.

* * *

 

Roxas never called. He thought it too bizarre. Surely Sora hadn’t meant what he had said. So Roxas watched his friends go to college. He kept in touch with them as much as possible but there were distinct periods where they grew quite busy and distant as assignments and project deadlines came around.

Roxas found himself a part-time job, working at a bakery, to help pass the time - but also to earn some cash towards his tuition. He continued to mull over his choices and options. He tried to disperse the swelling anxiety that a teaching career was the wrong choice for himself. He tried to occupy himself by earnestly researching the different universities and courses on offer. He attended course information days wherever possible, and once he had settled on a specific university he attended one more course information night - in some wane hope of quelling his fears.

He found himself in the lobby of a large hotel, and after some inquiries got himself up to the fifth floor. There were information stalls, hundreds of prospective students mingling and various halls and many more doors, with specific courses labeling the time of each information session. It was intimidating. Roxas found the room he’d be attending - but the session wasn’t due to start for at least another hour. He looked around himself, wondering what he could do to keep busy in the meantime.

He didn’t have to look far however. Distraction found him promptly. A vaguely familiar voice called out his name. As he turned around, brunette engulfed his vision and Roxas was squeezed so much, he thought he’d pop if he wasn’t made of flesh and blood.

“Roxas! It’s been like five months! Why didn’t you call?”

“He’s probably been busy living his life and didn’t need any hugs.”

Roxas’ heart soared at the sound of Riku’s liquid timbre, and when his eyes met blue-green he groaned inwardly. It hadn’t all been in his imagination. Riku was still hot as fuck.

“What’re you guys doing here?” Roxas straightened himself up, Sora’s tight embrace having left him somewhat disheveled.

“We’ve been traveling around, canvassing Universities and like Hollow Bastion the most. Just getting a bit more information before enrolling.”

Sora nodded his agreement to Riku’s explanation.

That news made Roxas feel a little exhilarated and chased away some of the residual uncertainty. “What you guys planning to enrol in?”

“Teaching - well that’s the aim. First, we gotta get our other qualifications,” Sora stated.

It brought a grand smile to Roxas’ face. “Me too.” 

“Really? Awesome!” Sora cheered. “What field do you wanna get into?”

“Sciences. You guys?”

“I’m gonna be a kindergarten teacher. So lots of child development stuff for me. Riku wants to do physical education.”

“Hollow Bastion runs all the courses we need, as well as the teaching qualifications. They offer sciences as well?” Riku inquired.

“Yeah. Physics, chemistry, biology. Everything I need. So I’m probably going to enroll.”

Sora cheered and engulfed Roxas in another hug. “We can be a trio! You going to stay on campus or travel?”

“I live too far, so I’ll have to move. Not sure if I will stay on campus though or just rent somewhere.”

“Sora and I’ve been looking into renting. It’s too expensive in this area. Dorms are the better option. Plus the dorms are close to all campus amenities.”

“You’ve already checked out the campus?”

Riku nodded. “It’s a nice place - secure too - and the dorms are spacious.”

A bell chimed, indicating that the information session was about to commence. Sora grabbed both Riku and Roxas’ hands and dragged them towards the door to the teaching information session.

Roxas got a lot out of the talk which helped to chase away further uncertainty. Spending more time with Sora and Riku also helped, particularly when Sora asked - through a mouthful of food - as there was a small refreshment break, “So why didn’t you call me? I’ve been waiting.”

“I thought you just gave me your number to be polite. You can’t really make friends that fast, right?”

Riku laughed at that. “Wrong. Sora is king of making friends. Once you get a hug - that’s it. Friends for life.”

Sora nodded and chuckled proudly.

“Friends for life then,” Roxas enthused and hungrily devoured a sandwich.

* * *

 

The evening waned on and as it drew to a close Roxas was offered a lift to the train station, as he didn’t drive and was reliant on public transportation.

“You sure you don’t want to bunk with us tonight? We’re staying in a motel. The sofa’s pretty comfy.”

Roxas peeled his forehead off the car window to look at Sora, who had turned around. “Thanks for the offer, but I’ll be okay. It’s only a two-hour train ride, so it’s not so bad. And anyway, I’ve got work in the morning, so I need to get home. Dad’s gonna pick me up when I get in.”

“Well if you’re sure,” Sora pouted at him.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Thanks though - for everything. I’m glad I ran into you guys today. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to move so far from my family and friends but - it’s easier knowing you guys will be at Hollow Bastion.”

That put a huge smile on Sora’s face. “Oh, _oh_! We should try and get a dorm room together. That would be heaps of fun.” he eagerly beamed at Riku and then back at Roxas.

“Really?” This day was getting better and better for Roxas.

“Yeah. Riku and I will be sharing a room anyway, so we’ll have a spare room.”

“Would that be okay with you, Riku?” Roxas felt it probably appropriate to also get a confirmation from the other half of this party.

Riku glanced at Roxas through the rear-view mirror. “It’ll probably be okay, but I think you’re jumping the gun again, Sora. We should probably test out if we can all get along before committing to anything.”

Sora looked thoughtful for a moment. “Riku’s probably right. People tell me I’m annoying. How about you come and visit us whenever you have some free time, Roxas. We live out by the coast - an hour out from where you live. We can go sailing and hang out and have sleep-overs and see how we all get along.”

“Yeah. Sounds awesome,” he grinned back.

* * *

 

Over the next half a year - leading up to the start of their University courses - Roxas trained it out to the coast whenever he was free.

Riku’s father was a fisherman, so Riku had learned all about sailing and navigating the ocean. They often sailed out to a cluster of islands known as the Isles of Destiny. They showed Roxas all the sights, both touristy and hidden.

Sora - with a very serious tone - once asked Roxas if he wanted to see a super secret special place. Of course Roxas said yes, which resulted in another boat journey across a shallow strait, to another small island. This one seemed a little more deserted and wild than the others they had been to, and it filled Roxas with a sense of wonder.

They made their way through the thick jungle until they came to a small clearing which opened up onto the ocean. Roxas spied the rocky outcrop where the island closed in on itself, and made getting here by boat quite treacherous. The other thing he spotted was a small house off to the left. Somewhat hidden by overgrowth and foliage.

“Is this what you wanted to show me?”

Sora’s grin was all the answer Roxas needed. They headed towards it. The outside was constructed from sheets of corrugated iron, which had washed up on shore. It was rust-bitten in spots but netting had been put up, and palm fronds woven through, to add more protection as well as camouflage. The roof was a thick bed of more palm fronds and other robust and broad-leafed tropical plants. It looked quite sturdy, waterproof and definitely like it had been here many years.

The interior wasn’t very large where height was concerned - Roxas had to stoop to get through the doorway, and it was easier to shuffle around on his knees when he was inside, though Roxas supposed one could also move around if they remained bent over. Shuffling along the ground wasn’t uncomfortable, as the floor was soft - lined with bamboo mats, reeds and bolstered with bits of carpet and rugs. The walls were lined with cardboard and driftwood of various shapes and sizes - blocking up any drafts that might occur. Sturdy beams kept the roof supported and Roxas was quite impressed with the engineering of the shelter.

He also noticed that fairy lights were strung up, and apparently functioning thanks to a solar power generator, which was set atop of the roof. A big mattress with blankets thrown atop of it sat in one corner, and a fortress of pillows and more blankets were at the other end. Roxas could easily picture them using that as a sofa.

Little knick-knacks - both washed up and brought over from the mainland, lined shelves made from driftwood. Roxas spied books, old handheld video games and even an old television, which Sora assured him still worked.

“Woah! This place is incredible! You guys built this all by yourselves? How long did that take?”

Riku flopped down on the pile of pillows. “Probably fifteen years. We’re still adding to it and improving it.”

Roxas kept looking around in amazement while he sat in the middle of the floor. “Fifteen years. Holy shit. You guys grew up together?”

“Yeah. Sora gave me a hug on our first day of school and that was it. We found this place and made a lean-to and it grew into this.”

“Tell you what, we sure learned a lot about building. The roof collapsed on us like five times,” Sora laughed and snuggled down next to Riku, who pulled him close.

“We became the best of friends building this place.”

“And then we became a lot closer in this place as well.” Sora placed a kiss on Riku’s cheek, which was turning red from embarrassment.

Roxas’ eyes trailed onto the bed and he suddenly felt embarrassed.”

“C’mere Roxas,” Sora patted the space next to himself and Roxas complied. Sora wrapped an arm around Roxas’ waist, which caused his pulse to quicken.

The three of them sat together. Roxas, feeling slightly awkward sought for something to say, “Well thanks for sharing this place with me. It sounds like it’s been really important in your relationship.”

“Yeah, we’ve had so much fun in here and around the islands. It’s kinda gonna be sad leaving it. We come down here at least once a month, but moving to Hollow Bastion’s gonna make it a bit harder,” Sora lamented.

“It’s okay. We’ll come by during the summer break to fix up the bits that blow off,” Riku soothed, patting Sora’s hair.

* * *

 

The afternoon passed. Roxas helped mend bits and pieces on the shelter, and walked up and down the beach looking for junk - like twine, netting and other flotsam and jetsam, to help improve the little bit of solitude which Riku and Sora had built for themselves.

When Roxas was left alone to his thoughts they drifted to how nice it was that Sora and Riku had found each other and gotten on so well together. Well enough to have found love. The thought however brought attention to a hollowed out part inside of Roxas’ soul. It had begun to grow over the last few years. A yearning for something more than friendship. Something more meaningful than the occasional fling with a guy from a bar or club. Roxas wanted to share his life with someone. He wanted to have little in-jokes and be as easy to read as a favorite book, to someone who knew him and cared for him. And Roxas wanted to be able to be someone like that for someone else in turn.

Sad to say Roxas suspected that this hollowness had grown these past few months. He noticed himself spacing out a lot more when he was at work or spending lonely evenings trying to entertain himself. There was a more pronounced ache and grief ever since he started spending more time with Sora and Riku. They were so happy together, even when they had little arguments. They could put up with each other's quirks and laugh things off. It was nice to see but made Roxas rather introspective and sullen by the time twilight faded, revealing a canvas of a billion twinkling lights above them.

They lay on the beach, having gorged themselves on fish and coconuts. A small fire crackled behind them.

“Man, I really love it out here. I wish Hollow Bastion was out here instead of all the way north, on the mainland,” Sora bemoaned.

“I’m gonna miss the sea-breeze, that’s for sure,” Riku lamented.

“I saw some jars down by your dad’s shed. Think I’m gonna bottle some sea water and take that with us.”

“How many times do I need to tell you not to drink the ocean.”

“Not to drink. It’s so we can sniff it,” Sora enlightened.

Roxas and Riku both laughed. It conjured up such a vivid mental image for Roxas. He continued laughing until tears came.

“What’s so funny, Rox?” Sora enquired, sounding a bit miffed.

“I just imagine you and Riku hunched over your jars, sniffing them like some kinda drug addicts.” Explaining the mental image made Roxas laugh even more. He curled up into a ball, clutching his sides.

Riku started laughing again and Sora joined in as well.

“Hope no one will think that of us, or we might have a weird time trying to explain yourself,” Riku chuckled.

Sora hummed in agreement. “I’m sure I could straighten things out though. I’ll just tell them about the sea down here and how we miss it. And worse comes to worst I’ll tell people I did it to keep Riku happy.”

“Thanks for shifting the blame, Paopu.”

Sora gave a loud snigger and a grin. Riku raised himself and planted a kiss on his boyfriend.

Roxas sighed internally and returned his gaze back up at the stars. But sadly what he could avoid seeing wasn’t something he could avoid hearing. The sound of them kissing drifted through the air. Not even the rhythm of the ocean drowned it out.

“What’s a Paopu?” Roxas asked into the night air, having often wondered about the strange pet name Riku had for Sora.

The offensive noise stopped.

“You never heard of the Paopu fruit?” Sora asked, incredulously.

“Nope.”

“It’s a legendary fruit. It’s said that if two people share one, their destinies become intertwined. They'll remain a part of each other's lives no matter what,” Riku educated.

“Sounds very mystical, and very sweet,” Roxas stated, feeling touched that Riku would feel that way about Sora.

“Yeah. It’s a very sweet fruit. But sometimes I think he just calls me that because my hair sticks up all over the place,” Sora sulked a little.

“You’ve seen and tasted one?” Roxas shot Sora a glance.

The look was returned. “I think so. Riku found something that looked like what they are described to look like. And we shared it. Tasted awesome, didn’t it, Riku?” 

Riku hummed his affirmation.

Roxas returned his eyes to the sky., “Wow. Together forever, huh?”

“Yeah,” Sora breathed, and with that a rare hush fell over the trio. The sea-breeze picked up a little, bringing with it the salty smell of a greater world beyond their tiny beach. Some night birds squawked and hooted in the jungle beyond, and the fire continued to crackle on.

Roxas thought about how nice the last few months had been, and he had his two friends to thank for it. “Thanks for bringing me out here,” Roxas spoke into the void.

“Why do you sound so sad, Roxas?” Sora’s voice perked up next to him.

“Hmm? I’m just getting tired.”

“We’ll sleep on the island tonight. It won’t be too cold, especially if we all bunk together,” Riku announced from the other side of Sora.

Roxas’ stomach churned a little at that prospect. “It’s okay, I can sleep on the pillow sofa.”

“You sure? It gets surprisingly cold,” Riku continued.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Roxas tried to put some cheer in his voice.

Sora’s face appeared above Roxas’ in a moment. “Riku’s too polite to come out and say it - but I got no problem with it. We really want you in bed, Roxas.”

“What?” he coughed lightly.

“Riku and I’ve been talking a lot about it. We both like you. And… if you wanted to - well we’re open to it.”

Roxas’ head buzzed. Did he get a tropical illness? Was he hallucinating? Sora looked uncharacteristically nervous despite the confidence he had spoken with. 

“You… you’re talking about a - .” Roxas couldn’t even bring himself to say it.

“A threesome,” Riku said cooly.

Roxas peeled his eyes off Sora above him and turned his head to look at Riku who was still lying on the other side of Sora, looking back at him.

“You like us, right, Roxas?” Sora questioned.

“Yeah.”

“In _that_ way, yeah?”

Roxas felt his eyes widen even more. He had definitely thought about Riku - a lot. He had never fantasized about Sora though. But the guy wasn’t bad looking. Roxas decided then and there that he liked Sora enough to be able to entertain the thought. “Yeah.”

“You’ve had sex with guys before, right?” Sora continued to grill him.

“Yeah.”

Sora looked a little relieved. His wary smile grew in strength. “Oh good. I was worried that maybe you hadn’t been and then we’d scare you off.”

“A… threesome’s still… kinda scary.”

“Riku’s really gentle.”

Roxas felt the blush burning his skin. “What about you?”

Riku chuckled. “He’s demanding and likes to order me around.”

Sora threw Riku a look. “You _like_ me telling you what feels nice.”

Riku sat up, cupped Sora’s face and kissed him before pulling back, “Yeah, I do.”

The way they smiled at each other was too sweet. It felt like a punch to Roxas’ gut. He leaned up a little, propping himself up on elbows. “I’d feel like I’m intruding.”

Sora turned his smile back onto Roxas. “Nah, you wouldn’t be. We’re inviting you.”

“We’ve only known each other for a few months. Why?” It was truly baffling to Roxas.

Sora shrugged. “We just really like you. Isn’t that enough?”

“Not really. Have you guys ever done this before? Asked someone to join you?”

“No,” Riku stated flatly.

“But we trust you. No one else has seen this beach either. That’s how much we like you,” Sora continued on in good cheer.

Heart pounded firmly against Roxas’ chest. “I don’t think I deserve any of this.”

Worried glances were exchanged. Sora moved back a little bit. “I’m sorry.”

“Are we being pushy? It’s not supposed to be pushy,” Riku said quietly.

Roxas shook his head, suddenly feeling afraid that the invite might be ripped away from him. “No. I just… well it’s kinda out of the blue. I didn’t think you guys were interested in me, or that you’d want anybody but each other.”

“Ah. Well again, we’ve been thinking about it for a while. Just… didn’t want to scare you away. I don’t want to lose our friendship,” Sora said.

“Why bring it up now?”

“Mmm… I just feel like maybe you’re lonely. And if you ever need cheering up we’d both be happy to make you feel better,” came the genuine, heartfelt response from Sora.

It was so sweet and thoughtful. Sora’s words grew a sting in Roxas’ eyes. “Tha-nks Sora.” Roxas’ voice broke and his face scrunched up involuntarily as sadness swelled like a giant tide. What had he done to deserve meeting such nice people?

As fat tears slid from eyes Sora descended, wrapping Roxas up in a hug and left small kisses on his face and in his hair. Gentle hushing sounds, belonging to Sora and Riku, soothed Roxas as he let the blubbering sadness out of his chest.

He hadn’t realized how lonely he had been ever since his friends all started college, leaving him virtually alone to go through life.

His tears finished after a while and the three of them retreated to the shelter. They bundled him up between the two of them and both left tender kisses on Roxas’ scalp and face. He felt cared for, warm and safe as he snuggled into Riku’s embrace, while Sora spooned him. The three of them slept through the night, wrapped up in each other's arms until the sun rose again. 

* * *

 

Roxas had been left to think about Sora’s proposal. He had never had a threesome, nor was it something he ever considered or had wanted. He thought about all the worst case scenarios; Being left out and completely ignored, being embarrassed beyond belief and having to spend the next four-plus years at the same University as Sora and Riku with that hanging over him. He worried that they might grow to hate him. He worried that he might inadvertently break-up their relationship.

Roxas hated that thought the most because he hated the slight flutter that was stirred up at the thought of a single and available Riku. Sora was too nice to ever do that to. No - if the two of them ever broke up Roxas couldn’t swoop in there and start dating Riku. It would be abhorrent.

But the more he thought of their proposal the harder it was to resist the thought of having sex with Riku. He was going to brave embarrassment and future resentment to have a chance at running his tongue over hot flesh and have the same be done to himself.

So with some trepidation he called Sora to arrange for them to all hang out again. They had a fun enough conversation, catching each other up on what had been happening and on any new revelations relating to their upcoming University days. The embarrassed flush crept through Roxas long before he ever got to the end of their conversation. But as things were wrapping up he knew he needed to broach the subject.

“Ah - Sora.” “ _Mmm?_ ”

“Before you go… I -.”

“ _Yeah? Is everything okay?_ ”

“Yeah, yeah. I just… wanted to check if the offer still stands?” Roxas squeaked nervously.

He could hear the smile through the line, “ _Woah, really? Of course it still stands! We’ve got lube and toys. Just bring condoms and whatever else you might prefer or want. We’ll see you in a few days._ ”

“Yeah, sure. See you guys then. Bye.”

Sora laughed, “ _It’s going to be awesome. Bye-bye, Roxas! Riku! Guess what! -_ ”

The line went dead. Roxas wanted to laugh at Sora’s excitement but… _Toys_. He buried his head beneath his pillow and tried to breathe instead.

* * *

 

The weekend slowly approached. Roxas was met with the usual grandiose hugs and the addition of friendly pecks on his cheeks. It made him smile. Other than that the day passed in the usual fashion. They sailed around the isles. Riku continued to teach Roxas the basics, while Sora enjoyed feeling the wind and spray on his face every time they cut across a choppy wave.

They island hopped, gathering any washed up junk they might be able to use on the shelter, and gathered food for their dinner, before turning towards the small island where they would be spending the night.

The late afternoon was spent doing up the hut, cooking their food, and goofing off. Roxas tried to keep sex as far from his mind as possible, debating with himself if he could or should bail on the whole venture, especially because he grew more nervous as the evening grew darker. They hadn’t mentioned what would happen once they all piled into the bed so Roxas was left guessing at the possibilities.

When they all retired for the night he swallowed hard to see boxes of condoms, bottles of lubricant and a small collection of various toys stacked up on one of the driftwood shelves above the bed. Roxas could have sworn that stuff hadn’t been there previously.

Riku noticed his discomfort first and rubbed his back as he moved further into the little hut. “We don’t have to do anything, Roxas. If you just want to go to sleep we can. Though chances are Sora’ll talk our ears off for the next two hours. Sometimes sex is the only thing that’ll shut him up.” Riku gave him a wink and a smile as he moved towards the bed, stripping his shirt off as he went.

Roxas looked on. He loved seeing Riku with his shirt off. It was one of the blessings of being out in the sun all day.

Sora pushed Roxas towards the bed when he walked in. “C’mon. Clothes off, bedtime.”

“Can we - talk about this before we get into it?”

“Sure. What you want to talk about?” Sora flopped onto the mattress and began unbuckling his belt. Riku was already laying on the bed, resting bare-chested and comfortably reclined against pillows.

“Ah… you sure this won’t cause… problems or something? I don’t want to cause trouble.”

Sora looked at him, completely lost. “Trouble?”

“Well you know -,” he shrugged, “things like causing friction. Upsetting someone…-”

Sora’s eyes narrowed, the confusion not leaving him. “Friction is what you want - unless you have sex in some other way I’ve never heard of.”

“I think Roxas means things like jealousy, my little Paopu.”

Sora poked his tongue out at Riku, who returned the gesture.

“Yeah, that's what I mean,” Roxas nodded. “I was reading up on this stuff - how relationships don’t survive threesomes - sometimes.”

“Really?” Incredulous wide eyes darted between Roxas and Riku.

“It’s just what I read. Spending time with you guys is fine. We don’t need to have sex.”

“Course we don’t _need_ to. But we want to, right?” Sora eyed them both.

Riku nodded. Sora’s eager smile burned into Roxas. Riku’s sexy body made his own body pulsate. He nodded as well.

Big smile turned into a grin and Sora patted the spot next to himself. “So c’mon. We’ll take it slow. Just kissing and touching - and see how far we get.”

“As soon as one of us gets uncomfortable we’ll stop, agreed? With no hard feelings at all,” Riku put forth and Sora heartily agreed.

Roxas wet his lips, breathed deep and found the courage to move towards Sora. He sat down next to him and gave a nervous smile. Hands were on his thighs in moments and Sora leaned in. “Just kissing at first, okay?”

“Okay,” Roxas breathed and soft lips pushed against his own. Eyes shut and Roxas concentrated on the way lips pressed and hands gently rubbed along and up his body. Sora smelt like the ocean, alive and fresh. Salt clung to lips from the sea breeze, and it reminded Roxas of eating sea salt ice cream with his friends.

He opened his mouth a little and flicked his tongue over delicate flesh to get a better taste. Sora responded by opening up as well. His hands held Roxas a little firmer, and pulled ever so gently. Roxas leaned in and tentatively pushed his tongue into Sora’s mouth to see what would happen.

Sora moaned a little and rubbed his tongue against Roxas’.

There was a shift on the bed, and both men pulled apart, cheeks flushed and eyelids half-lidded. Sora gave a tender smile before he turned his head towards Riku who had sidled up next to them.

Roxas’ breath caught as he watched Riku and Sora kiss deeply for a moment. There was a small pang in his chest, but it dissipated a second later. Riku pulled away from Sora and came in to kiss Roxas. A shiver ran down Roxas’ spine at the contact. He opened his mouth after the first small peck and licked at Riku’s lips, wanting them to open and take him. Riku did and Roxas moaned with pleasure as tongue ran along the roof of his mouth. Riku tasted like Sora but there was also a difference there. Riku was cooler and somehow silky smooth.

But Roxas was left empty again after a few more intense sucks. Riku and Sora kissed again. Roxas watched on, feeling envious that they had each other and didn’t need to share. The thought was chased away though when Riku returned, placed a quick kiss on lips and then Sora locked lips with Roxas again. Sora was a little rougher - a little more like a live wire. The change between the two men electrified Roxas.

He felt his shirt get tugged at. Warm hands were on him, caressing ribs and brushing over nipples. Roxas pulled away from Sora so Riku could finish pulling off his shirt.

“Is this okay with you?” Riku inquired, pressing a kiss to where Roxas’ ear joined to the top of his jaw.

“Yeah,” Roxas heaved and bit his lip as Riku’s teeth grazed against him. His eyes almost closed but he focused on watching Sora strip his own shirt off. Once it was discarded Sora scooched closer to Roxas, lowered his head and began lapping at his chest and nipples. The sensation of four hands on him, and two mouths gently biting and sucking on him made his blood throb deep inside his core. He moaned louder and tilted his head to the side so Riku could trail kisses down his jugular.

Hands were still on him, even when Sora and Riku sometimes stopped massaging Roxas with their tongues and started kissing each other.

Before he knew how it happened his pants had been removed and he was completely naked. Sora, also having lost his pants, was kissing his inner thigh, and tongue teased at the base of his cock from time to time. Roxas’ hand was deep in Sora’s hair, rubbing and scratching, while his eyes were on Riku who was just stripping his own remaining garments off.

Roxas felt the blood in his cock throb harder when he saw Riku’s exposed shaft. He wanted that inside himself. He wanted his mouth around it, but wasn’t too sure how rude it would be to just launch himself at Riku. Seeing him completely naked for now would have to be good enough.

His mind went hazy as wet heat flicked over his slit, drawing his eyes back onto Sora who was tasting and licking at him. Roxas’ moan got cut off by the sound of Riku groaning.

“You guys are so sexy.”

“You like watching me suck someone else off, hmm?” Sora gave Riku a sly smirk and then quickly engulfed Roxas’ head and sucked on him.

Roxas’ eyes squeezed shut with the onslaught of sensations. His mouth opened to moan but the sound became muffled as Riku’s tongue dove in for a deep and languid sucking kiss. Their tongues rubbed against each other. Roxas bucked his hips a little to get deeper into Sora’s mouth, which was incredibly warm. Sora’s tongue swirled around and massaged before drawing off, at almost the same time that Riku stopped kissing him.

“I like watching the two of you enjoy yourselves. So let me -” Riku shuffled down to Sora and slapped his arse playfully. “Lay down next to Roxas.”

Sora obliged, but not before grabbing the lubricant off the shelf and handing it to Riku. Roxas looked up at Riku, wondering if he was dreaming. He was naked - having a threesome - with two guys - one of which was really hot - on an island. It seemed like dream material.

Sora helped squirt lubricant into both of Riku’s hands and then lay back, grinning at Roxas. “This all okay with you so far?”

“Yeah,” he smiled back before his eyes squeezed shut in pleasure and a moan seeped out of his throat. Riku had begun giving them both a hand job. Roxas couldn’t keep his pleasure inside. He had imagined Riku doing this to him so many times already and now it was happening for real. Incredible.

“Roxas, kiss me,” came Sora’s plea.

Roxas’ eyes fluttered open long enough to find their target and then closed again. He moaned into and against Sora, who did the same, as they kissed and nipped at each other's lips.

Riku’s hand kept the pressure and pleasure at the perfect level for Roxas. He imagined himself kissing Riku instead, while Riku's hand continued it’s work, massaging his base and pulling the exquisite feeling up his shaft.

Roxas hadn’t had sex with another guy in too long a time. Having someone else pleasure him was far more intense than his own hand. Kissing someone while the pulse and buzzing in his penis built was intoxicating. He stopped kissing Sora and began whimpering, and trying to keep himself from bucking.

“I think he’s close,” a voice next to Roxas sounded.

“Is it okay if I use my mouth, Sora?”

“Yeah. You okay with that, Roxas?”

“Huh?”

“Riku’s gonna suck you off, so we don’t mess up the sheets.”

He nodded and moaned louder as heat engulfed his shaft. Roxas managed to pry his eyes open to try and savor the sight of Riku on his cock. He got a glimpse of silver hair and Riku’s mouth taking him all the way down before Sora appeared, running tongue over his chest and worrying at his nipples.

Roxas sighed with sheer joy, but his voice hitched and ended in a squeak as tongues and hands were on him, making everything feel good. Until he felt too good and he came with a hard shudder and a tingle down his spine.

There was a slight ringing in his ears and it took him a while to get his heartbeat under control again. He heard from the two others in the hut shuffling around. There was some rustling and muttering and when Roxas managed to pry his eyes open again he saw Sora’s face resting next to his on the pillow. He looked lost in ecstasy as a dopey grin stretched across his face. He was breathing hard and rocking slightly. Roxas’ eyes trailed across Sora to see Riku behind, pounding into Sora.

Roxas was momentarily too satisfied to care that he couldn’t get the same treatment from Riku. He craned his neck and began kissing Sora, who returned the affection eagerly.

As more strength returned to Roxas he rolled over and reached for Sora’s erection, which he found to be wrapped up in a condom. He stroked while Riku was rocking into Sora and following muttered instructions of, “Harder - more shallow - ahh right there.”

Sora came with a muffled cry into the pillow and Riku lost himself in the tight clench of Sora’s climax. Both men collapsed and breathed heavy for a while. Roxas, having sufficiently recovered tended to the both of them, wiping sweat-soaked hair out of faces and kissing softly.

Roxas’ heart fluttered when Riku captured his lips for a kiss, which lasted until Riku’s thumping heart eased up under Roxas’ touch.

Sora seemed to be out like a light, drooling on the pillow slightly. Roxas chuckled and patted his hair lightly, not wanting to wake him.

“He always conks out like that?” Roxas asked quietly.

“Not always - but most of the time, yeah.” The affection was obvious in Riku’s expression and voice. It made Roxas smile with genuine happiness.

“Was this okay for you, Roxas?” Riku tended to himself and his boyfriend by pulling off their condoms and tidying up as much as he could.

“Yeah. It was… ,” he sighed with satisfaction, still feeling a slight shiver run through him, “really good.”

“You think you’d want to do it again?”

Roxas nodded and received a warm smile.

“Sora’ll be happy to hear that. And I’m happy too.” Riku hopped back onto the mattress and slid under the blanket, pulling it over Sora. He leaned across the sleeping man and pressed a kiss to Roxas’ cheek. “Night Roxas.”

“Night Riku.” Roxas slid down next to Sora, and pulled the blanket over himself. “Night Sora,” he whispered against brunette mop and received a small nuzzle from the sleeping man.

* * *

 

Things were really good the next day. Not awkward or weird. Sora's grin was wider than normal and he left an abundance of kisses on Roxas’ cheeks throughout the day, but other than that nothing out of the ordinary.

Roxas went home feeling bubbly and excited. He called up Xion as soon as he got into his room and she thankfully answered. He told her everything that had happened but ended the conversation with a cloud hanging over his head.

_What did it mean?_ For himself - for them - for their relationship. But he brushed it aside, choosing to focus on the _fun_ aspect of it.

Roxas went straight back to the coast the following weekend. The weather proceeded to be poor, so they stayed at Riku's place, which was a comfortable, albeit glorified shed with amenities attached, in the back of his parent's lot.

Sora was unofficially bunking with Riku. It was like the longest slumber party. He'd go back home to visit his parents once every couple of weeks, to check in with them and assure them he was still alive, and to also check to make sure they were still alive as well.

So Riku's place was more or less Sora's place as well. It was nicely furnished, though rather minimalistic and rather industrial. Metal benches and chairs were abound. The only comfortable thing in that place was the sofa lounge and the loft bed, which Roxas got acquainted with rather fast when he arrived at their place.

Kisses were planted behind closed doors much like on the island. Clothes were stripped and scattered on the way up the stairs. It was still nerve-wracking but far less intimidating this time around. And all the touching, rubbing and soft sucking made him feel too good to focus on anything other than what positions they were taking with each other.

There was actual penetration this time around. Sora was on top of Roxas, and Riku on top of Sora. But it proved too much for Sora, who got lost in the feel of Riku, so much so that he completely forgot to move inside of Roxas.

Roxas, feeling too awkward to complain about it, didn’t. But Riku seemed to take notice and prompted Sora to start moving a little. He had to keep doing this until Sora decided he would swap positions with Roxas, much to Roxas’ relief.

He finally got what he wanted; Riku pushed and moved inside of him, and it felt amazing. Roxas managed better than Sora, and pushed in and out of Sora, who squirmed with delight under him, eyes closed in bliss and a gigantic smile plastered on his face.

With every push into Sora, Roxas pulled off Riku. And with every pull out of Sora, Roxas pushed himself back onto Riku. He tried to hold it together, but it was difficult. Sora and Riku had sex at an intensely slow pace. Roxas however wanted to lose himself and go hard and fast. But every time he seemed to lose control Sora whined and pulled Roxas back out of his edging climax, until Roxas couldn’t hold it back anymore, which also sent the two men he was sandwiched between over into their own climax.

This was their life for the remaining time before University started. Roxas came over as often as possible. The three of them became very comfortable with each other - but never so comfortable as to ever have sex or even make out unless both Sora and Riku were home. Roxas had tried to start something with Sora once when Riku was out. And he did the same when Sora was out. But both men had insisted on waiting for the other one to get home.

Roxas knew that he was just a guest in the relationship, so he respected their wishes and stopped pushing the boundaries. He figured it would probably change once they were all living together though.


	4. Paradise Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feeling become all tangled up.

The three of them moved into a dorm room together on campus at Hollow Bastion. Roxas, always having lived at home before this point in his life was super excited. He loved the freedom and being in charge of himself. Even the tedious things about looking after himself and his things weren’t so bad.   
  
Rosters were made and adhered to. Dinners were carefully planned out and groceries bought.    
  
As the semester started they found that they would all be able to share a lunchtime together at the cafeteria, as well as finish around the same time, which opened up the afternoons and evenings for TV and video game binging while their workload wasn't so severe, and of course sex could be had whenever they were all together.   
  
The first semester went by in this manner.    
  
They all got part-time jobs, at cafes, bistros and bakeries during their break. This meant busier schedules, less time together and ultimately less sex… but only for Roxas.   
  
He could hear them at night in the room next to his. They were always quiet but Roxas was familiar with how Sora squeaked when Riku pushed into him. He knew the subtle groan of their bed springs and the satisfied mutter out of Riku's throat when he came.   
  
It kept Roxas awake at night. The hushed whispers in the night were amplified like a blaring horn, echoing through mountain valleys. He always felt extra grumpy the next day but was usually placated by the time the sun set again when threesomes were offered up, as unspoken recompense.   
  
Roxas noticed when their rendezvous together lessened. It was punctuated by the fact that the ‘official’ couples escapades didn't reduce. But the group activities definitely did.   
  
He was experiencing a stressful day of exams and afterwards a string of bad customers when he got home one evening. He sunk onto the sofa, turned on the TV and vegetated. Riku walked out of the bathroom at some point, smelling great and looking even better.   
  
“Hey, Roxas. How’s your day been? Haven’t seen you since before lunch.”   
  
“Terrible,” he muttered into the palm of his hand, as he rested his chin on it.   
  
Riku walked up to Roxas, ruffled his hair and sank down next to him. With just enough space between them to rub Roxas the wrong way.   
  
“You had exams today, didn’t you?”   
  
“Yeah.”   
  
“Didn’t go so well?”   
  
“They were fine. Just too many and too long, and then a really shit shift,” he droned on, only half seeing the program playing on the television.   
  
Riku draped his arms over the top of the sofa's back. Roxas really wanted a hug.   
  
“You want me to get you anything?”   
  
“Yeah.” Roxas turned, cupped Riku's face and went in for a kiss. But Riku pulled away.   
  
“What’re you doing?”   
  
“What’s it look like?” was his testy response before he tried leaning in again.   
  
Riku put his hand between them and pushed Roxas away. “Sora’s not back yet.”   
  
“He’ll be back in half an hour. We could make out til then,” he tried to reason, though his frustration made him sound much gruffer and demanding than he would have liked.   
  
Riku gave him one of those steely-eyed looks for an answer.   
  
Roxas dropped away. “Why do we always have to wait for Sora? Don't you like making out or having sex with me?”   
  
Riku's expression softened. “Of course I do.”   
  
“But only when Sora's around?”   
  
“I feel weird without Sora here. Call me old-fashioned if you gotta but that's how it is.”   
  
“What's weird about it?”   
  
“It’s basically cheating on him. I’d never do that.”   
  
Roxas’ jaw clenched. “How’s it cheating? We’ve all gotten each other off. We’re all in this together.”   
  
“Sora’s my boyfriend.”   
  
It stabbed Roxas’ heart. “So I’m nothing.”   
  
“No. You're not nothing. You’re our best friend, Roxas.”   
  
That hurt as much as a slap in the face. “Sounds like a bullshit excuse to treat me differently - to use me whenever you guys get bored.”   
  
“Roxas,” Riku sounded insulted. “That’s not what you are to us. We care about you.”   
  
“Then why the hell do I feel left out and ignored and like I don't belong here?”   
  
Riku looked pensively at the ground for a bit before his voice broke through the thick discomfort, “I always worried that something like this would happen. Sora was so sure I was being too negative though.”   
  
“That what would happen? I’d call you out on your bullshit favoritism?” Roxas cut Riku off before he could get words out of his wide-opening mouth. “I know you guys have sex without me. I'm not part of this relationship. I'm just… I don't even know - here for your convenience,” he spat.   
  
A grimace disrupted Riku's normally serene face. “I know things have been different lately. Being out here by ourselves… I think it's making Sora and me realize how close we are, and how much closer we want to be. I'm sorry that we're leaving you out.”   
  
That pulled Roxas up a little. He always knew he had been a guest in their relationship. Some of the anger melted. “I'm sorry too. But I feel like shit, Riku. Knowing you guys have each other and I've got no one - that’s… just-”   
  
“But we’re best friends, Roxas. You do have us. You can come talk to us. And yeah… we need to all get-together and talk about what is happening. It's not fair on you.”   
  
Roxas felt grateful for that small bit of acknowledgement. “Damn straight it's not fair on me. This was supposed to make me feel better, not worse.”   
  
“Roxas - what's ‘better’ look like to you? What needs to happen to… well yeah.”   
  
He didn't need to think for very long. “I'd like to be included. I don't want this role that only seems to apply to me. That's the worst.”   
  
Riku sighed.   
  
“What?”   
  
“Is that the only way to make things better?”   
  
Roxas felt confused. “Well yeah. It's the main issue here.”   
  
“You sure about that?”   
  
“Yeah.” He didn’t know if that came out sounding like a statement or a question.   
  
Riku gave him a skeptical look. “So if Sora kept offering and inviting you to have sex with him that would make you happy?”   
  
Roxas fought against voicing his immediate thought of 'No’. “It would go some way,” he said instead.   
  
“But not all the way. Tell me what you need to make you completely happy.”   
  
The way Riku said that didn’t make Roxas comfortable. The man already knew. There was no point in saying it. Roxas remained quiet, boring a hole into Riku's shoulder.   
  
“If you were to get the thing that would make you happy… if I was going to have sex with you, without Sora being here, would that make you happy?”   
  
God, how much Roxas wanted to have a solo experience with Riku. He bit the inside of his cheek, unable to say it, despite everything. Apparently his silence was enough of an answer to Riku.   
  
“It wouldn't help, Roxas. Not really. It would make you feel better - special - for a little bit, but I really don't think it would make you happy.”   
  
“Bit rich for you to decide what does and doesn't make me happy.”   
  
“You know Sora talked to me about the idea of having sex with you one on one.   
Roxas looked up, a bit stunned and hopeful. “Really?”   
  
“Yeah. But I talked him out of it.”   
  
He felt anger flare up inside, which clearly showed on this face if Riku's response was anything to go by.   
  
“It's not that I don't want to see you happy. I really do. But the happiness you’re looking for is one where Sora is completely out of the picture. I know you like me - and definitely like me more than Sora.”   
  
Roxas’s skin began to prickle with a panicked sweat. He had been caught red-handed. “No. That’s not -”   
  
“Roxas,” Riku sounded exasperated.   
  
Roxas felt defeated. Was there a point in denying it? Was there some other reason he could give? Riku probably thought of Roxas the same way Roxas felt about Sora. He really liked him - cared for him - but… “Yeah, fine. It’s true. I like you a lot, Riku.”   
  
“Do you like Sora at all?”   
  
“Of course I like Sora,” he jumped to his own defense. “It's just - you're more my type. So I'd rather make out with you.” Did that make it sound better in any way? Judging by the look Riku was giving him it didn’t.   
  
Riku sighed, whether with exhaustion or in defeat Roxas couldn’t say. “I know that Sora would be happy to have you as his second boyfriend - but for me, there's only Sora. I like having sex with you but - what you are looking for, I can’t give you. I can’t feel for you what I feel for Sora. I love him. I’ve got no room for anyone else. I’m not as strong or big-hearted like him.”   
  
The blare of the television sounded but Roxas was no longer paying attention. He seemed to sink deeper into some sort of a bubble of despair. He had hoped living together would change things somehow. And it had. But in all the wrong ways.   
  
“I hope this isn’t hurting your feelings, Roxas.”   
  
He was hurt. The little flecks of hope and longing which Roxas had been growing inside himself were burnt away, leaving a vast emptiness in their stead once more.    
  
“It's fucking unfair. If you've known that I’ve always liked you then why drag me along like this?”   
  
“Well, we haven't been having as much sex. I was hoping that giving you some space would help.”   
  
Roxas glared. “Space. Space when I live with you guys - what a joke. Just be honest. You can't say no to Sora. He wants to continue what we have and you can't say no, even if you know it hurts me in the long run.”   
  
“I'm sorry,” was the admission of guilt.   
  
Roxas’ hands had naked up into fists. He pushed against the sofa, hoping not to punch something. “Do you know how awful this is?”   
  
Riku shook his head.   
  
It rankled Roxas a little. “Well, you should. How I feel about you is how you feel about Sora. Imagine if you and me had something going. How upset would Sora be then?”   
  
Eyes widened in some semblance of realization.   
  
Roxas sniffled back his upset.   
  
“All the more reason to call it off,” Riku muttered.   
  
“Yeah.” It was out without a filter. Without him even fully realizing what he was agreeing to. He squeezed his eyes shut against the ache in his chest. “No, wait. That's not what I meant.”   
  
“But you know it’s the right thing to do. For yourself. I’m sorry. I should have stepped in earlier.”   
  
“I don’t - want to -” a sob cut off the rest of his words. Roxas buried his head in his hands.   
  
“We'll always be your best friends, Roxas. That'll never change. But we need to start acting like it and doing what's best for you, 'cause that's what friends do for each other.”    
  
A warm hand landed on Roxas shoulder, reluctantly making Roxas’ eyes open. This really sucked. It was making a shit day into an even shitter day. Roxas just wanted it to end already. To be over and forgotten about. He mentally kicked himself for having wanted a kiss from Riku. If he hadn’t been so demanding they could have kept living in awkwardness, but at least Roxas would have still been getting sex on the odd occasion. But it was all over now. There was just one thing left to do…   
  
“How am I gonna explain this to Sora? He’ll hate the idea of us not bunking together for the next few years.”   
  
Riku hummed in acknowledgement and thought. “Yeah. Sora will always want what’s best for you. So maybe use that approach? What we’re doing here is hurting you more than doing you any real good.”   
  
The evil thought popped into his head that Riku was best for Roxas. He loved the man’s maturity and level-headedness. It bounced so well off of Sora’s enthusiasm and childish excitement. Riku curbed and tempered Sora, but Sora helped to bring out the fun and compassionate side in Riku. That’s always where Roxas had to stop and sigh because the truth was that they were made for each other.   
  
Roxas was just an interloper. What was he but insecure and needy? No one needed that in their lives. He groaned. This was going to be excruciatingly uncomfortable.

* * *

  
They had fallen asleep on each other by the time Sora came home. The jangle of keys roused them both and a heavy weight on top definitely kicked Roxas right into wakefulness.   
  
“Heeey sleepyheads! I’m home! Time for some fun!” The cheerful grin was very apparent.   
  
“Can’t have fun with you squishing us. Get off,” Riku groaned under the weight.   
  
“Make me,” Sora giggled.   
  
Riku lifted off Roxas and launched himself up and backwards, effectively flipping and pinning Sora to the lounge. Roxas stretched out and breathed a little easier as he listened to the waves of laughter and the exaggerated smooching sounds Riku was leaving on Sora. This would sometimes be the point where Roxas joined in and then things would progress to a hot, steamy mess. But not tonight.    
  
Roxas was really tired of being the third wheel of their relationship. He got up and went to the bathroom to relieve himself and wash his face. While he was in there, eyeing himself, he really wished he could be more carefree and less attached. He wished he could equally divide his feelings between his two friends but it was impossible.   
  
Some relief danced around Roxas’ chest. He wouldn’t have to uphold this charade any longer. He just needed to get back out there and somehow detach himself from Sora… but sadly also Riku   
  
And that stuff was easier said than done.   
  
When he walked back out Sora had become fully aware that something was wrong. The smile he had worn had vanished, and eyes brimmed with wide concern when he met Roxas’ gaze.   
  
“What’s going on, Rox? Did something happen?”   
  
Riku clambered off Sora and gave an encouraging smile and nod to Roxas.   
  
“Nothing’s wrong, Sora.” He breathed deep, “It’s kinda been growing over the last few months. I love being with you guys but -,” Roxas chewed on his lip, eyes cast to the floor, “I just can’t do this anymore.”   
  
“Whaddya mean?” Sora scrambled up and hands were on Roxas’ shoulders in moments, rubbing lightly.   
  
Roxas shrugged out of the touch. “I don’t want to sleep with you anymore.” It wasn’t even a lie. But it also wasn’t the whole truth.   
  
“Why?”   
  
“I just -.” Roxas made the fatal mistake of flicking eyes onto Riku, wanting some sort of reassurance or confirmation that this was for the best.   
  
Sora - wide eyed - looked between Roxas and Riku. “You two didn’t have a fight did you?”   
  
“No, nothing like that. I just - need some space,” he mumbled.   
  
“Oh.” The air Sora exhaled shattered Roxas’ heart.

* * *

  
Roxas had hoped that would be the end of his feelings. That having space and a firm boundary would smother the hurt. But things didn’t recover. The three of them were never the same as they once had been. Riku pulled right back, keeping a cool distance from Roxas, and every touch from Sora burned Roxas’ skin. He felt colder and more isolated than ever before.   
  
Evenings and nights were the worst. The three of them together was all right during the daytime. They had fun conversations over lunch with their wider circle of friends. But the end of the day when things wound down always signalled a more intimate time of the day. Roxas didn’t want Sora and Riku to change their lives on account of him being uncomfortable so he kept his mouth shut.   
  
Roxas was actively searching for other accommodation on campus - and then further afield when he found out all the dorm rooms were taken. Renting outside of the campus was too costly, and all the places he could afford were way too far for someone without a car. So Roxas was stuck watching his two best friends being deeply in love. He wished he could be happy for them, like how he had been when they first met. But each passing week made him feel more sour. Especially when he could hear them going at it.   
  
He knew Riku would be trying his best to keep them as quiet as possible, and Roxas had noticed that the frequency of their lovemaking next door seemed to decrease as well. But it bothered Roxas that he was making this uncomfortable for them and himself.   
  
He took to leaving the dorm in the evenings to ‘get some extra study in at the Library’. Riku always gave him an appreciative smile in recognition of what Roxas was actually doing. It made him feel a little better - knowing he was being a good friend. But it didn’t help his broken heart.   
  
He found himself a quiet corner in the already quiet library. It was less busy during the late evenings, but people still mingled and studied. Roxas buried his head in books. He tried to focus on his studies until inevitably his mind always turned to the reason why he was exiling himself in this place.   
  
No matter how much effort he exerted, the tears always came. Sometimes silent, sometimes filled with the sound of despair and heartache.   
  
Roxas lost track of how many days and weeks he kept this up for before a box of tissues was thumped in front of him on the desk, completely startling him, and words quietly asked, “Everything all right?”


	5. The Third

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Axel’s life, in a nutshell.

His childhood was mainly a blurry haze of non-descript events, indistinct adults and other kids and a soundtrack of pop ballads. Yet the one thing that truly stuck with him was the utter escape and wonder that was an old sci-fi television show which aired on an obscure community network channel at such a time of night as not to be too early - thus interfering with the ritualistic devouring of boring news - and not so late that he would miss it due to being sent to bed. But even if it had been on late Axel had always suspected that his parents wouldn’t care or ever notice if he did stay up too late.

Axel cherished his evening television. It always aired at the time his mother was at her worst, so Axel enjoyed nothing more than to hide himself away in the den, turn off all the lights and sit close to the TV so he could hear the show on the minimum volume - as not to draw any attention to himself - and with a blanket pulled over himself.

He was able to shut out the yelling in this way. It was easy enough to do because he got completely lost and engrossed in the land of Twilight World. It was peppered with exotic locations and really cool characters. Just what he needed to get his mind away from the crap in his life.

None of his friends got what Axel was so excited about. None of them understood what was so great about the show, and Axel did concede to himself that perhaps if his family life had been a little bit better he would never have seen what was so great about Twilight World either. And that on occasions had made him feel better when his parents fought and argued, because he liked watching the show and being drawn into another world.

The only other remarkable memory Axel had left of Elementary school was his final day, when he had met some kid who had given him a pretty cool drawing of Layla and a super rare collectable card. He could never remember the kid’s face or his name, but he had kept the gifts and considered them as valuable.

Middle school came into sharper focus for Axel. But for the wrong reasons. It was a growing realization that no matter how hard he tried, good grades and awards were not going to keep his family happy, or together.

Axel thought he had learned how to appease his parents back in elementary school. They would always praise him when he did well. It was the one bit of unity and solidarity they could show him. It stopped the bickering for a while, but the magic of being good at things soon faded once Axel was older.

If he didn't push himself to extraordinary lengths his parents didn't even see his accomplishments anymore. They were too focused on fighting each other and Axel no longer saw a point in trying his best.

And when his parents finally filed for a divorce at the end of his middle school years Axel completely gave up trying to please them. 

He embraced the dystopian look and lifestyle and ignored his father's pleas to drop the act. Somewhere in his mind Axel wanted to live carefree, not be bound by rules of expectations, and most of all he wanted to defy the establishment, because everyone he had ever looked up to had let him down.

And so Axel's punk years started in high school.

He liked looking disheveled. He liked spiking his hair to dangerous points and wearing pointed accessories. Eyeliner became is preferred mask and he spent many hours drawing tattoo designs on his arms and legs, fantasizing about the day he would be legally old enough to get actual tattoos. His parents would _freak_ and that would be epic.

Axel’s grades continued to slip and he saw no reason why he should care. The more he pushed the less resistance there was. In that way high school went up in a smoking blaze of drugs and misdemeanors. 

He did apparently find the threshold though to his parent's indifference. Grand theft auto and actual charges for possession of drugs was what did it. A knock on his mother's front door brought on the wrath he had been searching for to elicit. 

The order was lain down by law for Axel to clean up his act. Curfews were placed, appointments with correction officers needed to be maintained. Strict household rules were enforced at home and he fought it all as best he could through his junior year, but finally succumbed to the pressure to behave a little in senior year. 

He had fallen so far behind in his studies that he was being threatened with having to repeat. Axel would have loved to run away but the law still had him in their sights, and Axel didn’t really fancy becoming a fugitive. So he signed up for the stupid tutoring program to get everyone off his back and to be a royal pain in the butt to whoever was supposed to teach him.

Something had been familiar about the kid with the blonde mess of a mop atop of his head. It gnawed at Axel for a while, until he remembered. Before that time however, he was as annoying to the guy as he possibly could be. Because maybe this guy stuck in Axel’s head due to a past grievance. Axel remembered all the people who ever did him wrong. 

You cut Axel off in the lunch line? He’d remember your face. Make fun of him or his friends - Axel would beat you up. Try to shortchange him? Forget it. Axel would shake you down.

He didn’t consider himself a bully per se. He just looked out for himself and his best interests because no one else would. He practiced establishing his dominance in the school hierarchy so people would leave him and his tiny pool of actual friends alone.

Axel had looked forward to finally finishing school, and putting tuition far behind himself. He envisioned a life of no stress for himself, doing some menial task in a dead end job so he could just scrape enough munny together to do the things he enjoyed. He had never thought about the details of his future until he was stuck having to listen to his kid tutor. Annoyingly enough Axel didn’t mind listening to him. He thought it highly amusing at first, that someone younger than himself should be telling Axel what he was capable of. It had even been slightly cute that the kid had been so impassioned and wanted Axel to do something with his life.

Axel had thought his life ruined though. A string of bad choices and a general indifference had put him on a path he didn’t care to turn away from. But the gears that shifted Axel’s mind began turning on the last day he saw his tutor. It had also been the day that Axel finally remembered that this had been the guy who had given him the drawing and card back in elementary school. Before that day Axel thought he had just been some weirdo he had made cry in the hallway. But no - it had actually been the same kid as all the way back then.

When he had gotten home that day and been about to throw his graded paper out he had caught the scribble on his paper. - _May the mother Madraxis look out for you in all that is to come._ -

And that had truly thrown Axel and felt like a punch to his gut.

He hadn’t thrown out the paper but kept it alongside the drawing and the card. That was the day Axel ultimately remembered Roxas Barton’s name and face.

* * *

 

Axel worked on turning his life around. He had actually made an effort in his exams and had managed to pass everything.

What followed was some soul-searching. And his soul told him he definitely wanted to get tattoos, so he did. Right on his face, which stung like fuck and had his cheeks looking like balloons for a week. But after that he looked as badass as he felt.

After that he decided to apply himself and go for the craziest and outrageous job he ever had fancied himself having. He looked into becoming an aerospace engineer. Spaceships were right up his alley, and anything to get mankind into space to discover new worlds would be amazing. So Axel found out what he needed to get into University and spent a year catching up and getting his entrance grades up to where they needed to be.

He shut the world out behind himself and cut out all the deadbeat people in his life. Which sadly could not include his parents, but he planned a workaround by moving into the dorms when he got into University the following year.

And so he started upon his future career plans. Axel moved in with his friend Marluxia, who very shortly after moved out to live with his boyfriend. Axel was not pleased and after many threats Marluxia agreed to keep himself listed as an occupant of that room and to pay his share. That basically meant Axel had the whole space to himself, which was blissful.

He could walk around naked to his heart's content, have his friends over at all hours of the day or night, and use the spare room as his study and experimentation laboratory.

He met some new friends, as well as hung out with his old school friend, who had enrolled at this University while Axel had still been catching up so he could get somewhere in life.

Axel got an opportunity to work evenings at the University's library, scanning and stacking books at night, which was delightfully mindless work and didn't take him so long that he lost any sleep.

He was doing his rounds one night, making sure everyone was out so the library could be closed up, when he stumbled upon the sad sack he had been seeing around for the last two weeks. The guy sat where Axel had always seen him - hiding out in one of the back corners of the religious texts section - a mostly unvisited area, as none of the courses offered at this University were related to world religions.

Axel had never seen the guy around this late before though. He seemed to come in around seven, mope and study for an hour, and then be gone before nine o’clock ever rolled around. 

Sometimes Axel heard the choking sobs from the aisle over as he stacked shelves. He was of the firm belief to stay out of other people's lives and just worry about himself. As long as the guy didn’t decide to kill himself while Axel was on shift he didn’t care. So it was with some irritation that this night he still found Mr. Mopey in the same spot. It meant he would _have_ to go talk to him. Even worse was the fact that the guy still seemed to be sobbing, so Axel probably needed to use some tact and be a _little_ bit caring.

He quietly stalked back to the office to fetch a box of tissues, and secretly hoped the guy would be gone by the time he returned. But alas, he wasn’t. He always sat facing the wall, so Axel only ever saw the back of his head, which was usually bent over a book. It made him wonder how soggy the pages got.

Axel dropped the box of tissues in front of the guy, which made him jump, and brought Axel some satisfaction. He slid his butt onto the desk next to the guy, and leaned against the wall. “Everything all right?”

Axel was met with a bewildered look, which actually winded him. He _knew_ this guy. Red rimmed eyes aside, he knew that blue color - and face. And now that he saw him from the front, even the hair was familiar, though a bit longer and more unkempt.

Recognition danced in salty eyes. “Yeah.” He grabbed at the tissues, wiped his face and blew his nose. “I’m fine.”

“You got a weird way of being _fine_. You’ve been here for two weeks, dripping all over your things.” Axel looked down at the exercise book, with its warped pages and leaking ink writing.

“Why’re you stalking me?” came the snappish retort while pale face became obviously red. Books were slammed shut and everything on the desk was shoved into a backpack.

“I work here. It’s my job to notice people. I would have left you alone but it’s closing time. So I have to ask you to leave.”

“You a janitor?”

Axel laughed, feeling rather pleased that he had been asked that. “No. I help scan and stack the shelves at the end of the day, while I study and go to lectures n’ shit during the day. Like a proper adult. I _am_ trying to make something of myself, _Roxas_.” He made sure to emphasize the guy's name, just so they could both be clear that they remembered one another for years back. And it seemed to have some sort of an effect. Where sadness had been pushed aside by gruff anger, said anger on Roxas’ face now gave way to something akin to joy, as a hint of a smile flashed. 

“Good to hear, Axel. So what’re you studying?”

It definitely pleased Axel that Roxas remembered him. “Aerospace engineering.” He chuckled at the way Roxas’ eyebrows raised. “Why’re you looking so surprised?”

“Surprised? Maybe a little. But definitely more like impressed than anything else. You’re actually making something of yourself?”

“Trying to. I haven’t gotten qualifications just yet. But I’m sure I’ll ace it, and _then_ you’ll have something to be feeling impressed over.” Axel gave a small wink.

He hated to admit it, but seeing Roxas again was kind of exciting. It was even more exciting that Axel seemed to have the power to influence Roxas’ mood. He definitely looked more perky.

“You enjoying it?” Roxas asked.

“Yeah.”

“Guess those paper planes weren’t a complete waste of time, huh?”

Axel laughed some more, and Roxas’ face continued to brighten. “Yeah. Having you pull me up on my shit helped too. Thanks for that, Roxas.” He could have lived his life, not caring to see Roxas ever again. But now that he had this chance it felt good to be able to thank the guy. 

“It’s fine,” came the stilted and croaky response. Watery eyes fell down to the desk, and with it silence.

Axel looked him over, not enjoying the fact that this was beginning to feel awkward for some reason. “You feeling better now? ‘Cause… it’s really closing time, and we both need to get out of here.” Axel checked his watch and when he returned eyes onto Roxas, the same glum expression from earlier was back.

Roxas pushed out of his seat and hoisted his backpack to shoulder. “A little better, thanks. Good to see you, Axel. I’m happy to hear you’re doing something you like.” A deep sigh came out of Roxas as he gave a weak wave, before turning and making his way towards the exit.

Well that was it. Axel straightened up the chair but his mind didn't do the usual thing of looking forward to getting home, and finding what snacks he could devour. Thoughts lingered and irritated him. He grumbled as he turned and against his better judgement shouted, “Hey, wait up.” 

Roxas stopped and threw a glance at Axel.

Inwardly he groaned. Why was he being nice? Axel made off and caught up with Roxas within moments. “You wanna tell me what’s so depressing? Maybe I can help.”

His admirable efforts were met with a frown and a curt, “Doubt it.”

“Try me,” he pressed.

They fell into an unhurried pace and a few beats passed before Roxas grumbled, “I need to move out of my dorm room, but all other dorms are full. And I can’t move and rent somewhere ‘cause it’s all too expensive, or too far away.”

“Oh, you live on campus? Cool.”

“Not really cool.”

Axel hummed. “So why do ya have to move?”

“Personal issues,” was the brief response.

Axel knew what that was code for. “Crap roomie, huh.”

“Could say that.” After that Roxas remained silent as they walked through the aisles of books and towards reception and the doors.

Axel mulled Roxas’ predicament over in his head. He _could_ help out. But then he’d have to make a huge sacrifice. Roxas’ problems weren’t his. He could ignore it, and the guy. “So you gonna keep moping around in the library?”

“Probably,” he muttered.

Roxas sounded so defeated. It bothered Axel. He groaned inwardly. “I know I might regret this but -”

Blue eyes cautiously looked up at him, still red and beginning to shimmer with fresh tears. He looked so pathetic. Like a drowned kitten. Axel wished he didn’t know Roxas - didn’t feel like he owed him. It would be easier to cast him aside then. _Damnit_. It was like he was watching someone else entirely. Slowly words formed and he was unable to stop himself from uttering them aloud, “I’ve got a spare room you could have.”

Roxas stopped dead in his tracks. “Really? How? Admin told me all the rooms were taken.”

He stopped as well and looked back at Roxas. “I moved in with a friend but he moved out to live with his boyfriend after like two weeks. I made him keep paying for his half of the dorm cost - promising I’d find a roommate to eventually take over. But I’ve grown accustomed to a certain kind of lifestyle so I never bothered. And Marly keeps paying so it’s not been a problem. But - sounds like you really need a place to stay so… ,” he shrugged and felt super uncomfortable in his own skin. 

Roxas’ mouth opened, but shut again as he pondered something. “What do you mean by ‘ _certain kind of lifestyle’_? What’m I getting myself into if I move in with you?”

Axel chuckled. Roxas was sharp. “Well I do like to have a fair bit of sex, and I’m far from quiet. And I like to walk around naked. And right now the other bedroom’s my personal study. But if you can put up with that and help me move all my shit out of the room, it’s yours.”

Roxas’ eyes fell to the carpeted floor as he thought things over. Narrow eyes were on Axel again after a moment. “Why’re you being so nice? You’ve always been a douchebag. What gives?”

Axel gasped, and then grinned. “You wound me with your astuteness.”

Roxas glared.

“If it makes you feel better I’m only offering ‘cause we’re acquaintances. If you were a total stranger I’d say ‘see ya later and good luck with your personal problems.’ ”

“So you somehow found some goodness in your heart?”

“Yeah. But just for you. And purely between you and me - I kind of feel like I owe you, since I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you.” It seemed okay to admit that to Roxas.

Did that shock Roxas? He stood there, staring at Axel for a moment. “Ah - thanks… Axel.” Eyes fell again, searching for something. “I… probably wouldn’t be here either if you hadn’t suggested becoming a teacher,” Roxas said meekly.

It was a nice surprise for Axel. Discomfort grew more pronounced. Eyes fell away to the neatly stacked bookshelves. He rubbed at his head, to give himself something to do with his hand. “Don’t think I’ve ever done anything good for anybody. That’s kinda cool to know.” He actually meant that. Axel couldn't remember the last time he had done anything nice for someone. It actually made Axel feel slightly pleased with himself. He returned his eyes onto Roxas and gave him a small smile. “So you’re here for a teaching degree?”

Roxas nodded. “In the sciences.”

“Ahh.” The smile on Axel’s face grew and something inside swelled a little.

“Axel, why’re you still here? We’re closing up,” the head librarian’s voice pierced the air, startling both men.

“Sorry, Sandra. C’mon Roxas.” He pushed on shoulders and maneuvered them outside into the rapidly cooling night air.

“So how about it? Limited time offer only.” He turned to face Roxas, who was a lot taller than Axel remembered him being. The guy actually reached his shoulders now.

“I’ll need to think about it a little.”

“Okay. But don’t forget limited time. A week and I’ll forget about it.”

Roxas nodded.

“Gimmie your phone.”

“Huh? Why?”

“So I can give you my number.”

“I didn’t bring it with me.”

Axel sighed. “Your arm then.”

“Huh?”

Axel grabbed Roxas’ arm and pushed his sleeve up a little. He fished out a pen from his pocket and wrote his number on flesh.

“Just give me a call with your answer. Remember, you gotta help me move stuff if you come over.”

“Okay.”

* * *

 

Over the next few days Axel actually caught sight of Roxas during lunch in the cafeteria. He was sitting with a group of people, laughing, but at times also looking kind of uncomfortable. Not that Axel was keeping an eye on the guy. Definitely not that. It wasn’t his business and he didn’t care.

Axel received a call from an unknown number a few days later.

“Sup?”

_“Hey, ah - Axel?”_

“That you, Roxas?”

_“Yeah.”_

“Hey. You made your decision? You calling to let me down nice and gentle?” he laughed a little. Axel sort of hoped Roxas _would_ say no. He liked having his space to himself. He also liked the idea of continuing to have Marluxia pay for a room he wasn’t using.

_“I’d like to take you up on the offer, actually.”_

“Ah, cool.”

_“But - one question.”_

“Yeah?”

_“With the… sex stuff. How loud is loud?”_

It made Axel snigger. “Loud enough for you to definitely hear it over the television."

_“Is it going to happen at ridiculous times of night?”_

“Nothing after midnight. That good enough?”

_“I can live with it.”_

“Cool. So when you coming over?”

_“Is this afternoon too soon?”_


	6. The New Routine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas moves in with Axel. It takes some adjusting.

His two boxes were packed, as was his suitcase. Roxas hadn’t brought much with him when he moved, and hadn't been accumulating anything bar textbooks. A good thing too, or things would be a lot more difficult right now. He was pondering the most effective way of making the trip. Axel lived in the other building across the plaza, which was great. The more he could avoid Riku and Sora the better. It wasn’t far, but Roxas wanted to make it in one go, if at all possible. And he needed to hurry, as Sora would be back soon.

Roxas had been keeping to himself a lot more. Locking himself inside his room, claiming studies and exams as the reason why he said no to Sora’s invitations to wedge out on the lounge - or go to a cafe - or even have dinner together. Roxas felt ridiculous, but he just wanted space and to be left alone.

He had rolled Axel’s offer over in his head a lot these last few days. Had it been anyone else, Roxas would have jumped on the offer that very night - but it had been _Axel_ of all people. He had been shocked to see the guy at the library last week. Even more so when the jerk had actually called Roxas by his name for once.

That had gone some way to sway Roxas’ opinion of the redhead. Spending more days in his current abode helped sway Roxas the remainder of the way. He could put up with loud, obnoxious sex from a guy he felt irritated with. He _couldn’t_ put up with the quiet shifts and moans from a couple who meant something to Roxas. So it’s what had ultimately decided his fate at this very moment.

He stacked the two boxes atop of one another, slipped on his backpack - full of his University stuff and other personal effects, and picked up his surprisingly heavy load. Roxas gave a forlorn stare towards his suitcase. How he wished he could sprout more limbs, or that any of his other on-campus friends were free right now.

Roxas tried to get the suitcase under his arm, while holding the boxes - and then without the boxes - and then some combination of the two. 

It wasn’t going to work out. He sighed, but suddenly panic gripped as the front door unlocked.

“Hey Roxas! How’s your - day… been,” Sora’s voice dropped as he looked on.

“Oh hey, Sora.”

“You’re leaving? You found a place? Why didn’t you tell us?” He walked towards Roxas.

“Yeah. Sorry, it happened really fast. A dorm opened up and I didn’t want to wait around.” Roxas hoped his discomfort wasn’t showing.

“I was kind of hoping you wouldn’t find somewhere else to stay,” Sora said, sounding rejected.

“I still think it’s better if I move out, Sora. I’m not happy here. I know you know that.”

“Will you be happy in the other place?”

“Yeah. Definitely.” He gave Sora an encouraging smile and hoped he was selling it well. “Will you help me carry this thing?”

“Yeah, 'course.”

Being useful seemed to cheer Sora up somewhat.

“So where we going? Down the hall?” Hope lit his words, but then glumness extinguished it again as he continued, “Or across town?”

“Across the plaza. Building eight, room thirteen.”

Sora breathed out with relief, “Lucky number, huh?”

“Yup.” It certainly was for Roxas.

As they descended the stairs and walked out into the cooling air and across the open expanse of concrete, Sora kept talking, “I’m gonna miss you, Roxas.”

“I’m really not going far, Sora. We’ll see each other every day. I swear.” 

“But it’s not the same,” he grumbled. 

“I know - I’m sorry.” Roxas felt bad about the whole thing. He wished he wasn’t like he was, but he couldn’t change himself. Not in this facet of his life.

“Won't you at least tell me more about what happened? Riku keeps saying that it's not for him to tell me.”

Roxas’ heart felt heavy. He was running away from his problem… the least he could do was to fess up. It wouldn’t be so bad, now that he wasn’t going to dorm with Sora anymore. “Uh - you know that I love you, right Sora? You are an awesome friend and I can't thank you enough for all the time we spent together over the past year.”

Sora laughed pleasantly, and quietened down again. “And now comes the _but_ , right?”

Heart weighed down. “But -,” Roxas breathed deep. He could still bail and come up with another excuse instead of the truth. He stared ahead of himself, wanting to get to his new lodgings as quick as possible. “I love Riku more. A lot more, actually. And that's a big problem.”

“Oh.” 

That sound out of Sora broke Roxas’ heart. It's what he had always wanted to avoid. He stopped and turned around to face Sora, who had stopped moving and was staring at the ground a few paces behind.

Panic-filled eyes suddenly lifted. “You should have told me earlier. I - if I had known I wouldn't have - Riku and I shouldn't have -”

“Forget it, Sora,” Roxas cut-off and motioned with his head to keep moving. He turned back and headed off again. “It's not fair for me to ever expect you guys to change because of me. I was only ever a guest in your relationship.”

“No, Roxas. You're more than that.”

“I'm not. And living together has made that even cleared to me. I'm not mad, Sora. But it does hurt, so I'm doing what's hopefully best for me, and for all of us in general.” If nothing else Roxas at least hoped Sora would understand that.

They walked in silence. Roxas could almost imagine the sound of gears turning in Sora's head as he was probably trying to come up with a solution.

“What if -”

“No. It's not just me. Riku's also involved in this. You can't fix it, because you can't force Riku to change. He's made it very clear that he's a _one love_ type of guy, and I respect that. It's what makes him Riku, and it's what we both love about him, right?”

“Yeah,” Sora mumbled.

Roxas looked at the door they had reached after crossing the plaza and climbing a flight of stairs. The room was at the very end of the hall, next to the fire escape. This would be his new home. Roxas hoped it would all work out for the best.

“I can try and do better.”

No one could ever accuse Sora of being a quitter. Roxas liked that about the guy, but right now it was exhausting. “No, Sora. You shouldn’t have to change on my account. I love how you are. Don’t change. Riku wouldn’t want you to change either. I just need to sort myself out.” 

Roxas shifted the boxes in his arms, and knocked on the door. His heart began racing. He had been incredibly nervous when he had called Axel. The thought of moving in with him was unsettling, and Roxas couldn’t pinpoint why. He couldn't back out of this now. This was going to be the start of his new life.

Axel’s voice drifted to ears before he opened the door. “Welcome to Sacred Haven.” Axel pulled the door open and grinned. “Population -” He stopped talking when his eyes settled on Sora.

Roxas knew the greeting from his favorite TV show when he heard it. He cast a glance to Sora. “Population us. Hey Axel. This is Sora. He’s helping me move.” Roxas pushed forward, and whilst passing Axel said, “Could you take that suitcase? That and these boxes is all I’ve got.”

Axel hummed in acknowledgement and took the suitcase from Sora’s grip.

Roxas, having dumped his things just inside the door, came back out. “Thanks, Sora. I don’t want to keep you. I have to help Axel move stuff around. I’ll see you tomorrow at lunch, like always.”

Sora looked a bit stunned at how quickly everything was happening. “Ah - yeah. Okay. You sure you don’t want me-”

“No, it’s fine. It’s part of the agreement I have with Axel. I gotta help him move stuff and do it solo.”

Sora’s bewilderment didn’t abate. He looked to Axel for clarity.

“It’s true. It’s part of the hazing ritual. But don’t worry, I’ll take good care of Roxas.”

Roxas stared at Sora for a moment. He looked upset, and Roxas felt upset as well. He quickly flung arms around his friend in a brief hug and spoke quietly to him, “We'll be all right, Sora. I just need some time.” He pulled away and gave his friend a smile and wave. “Bye now. Thanks again.” 

Axel waved as well and shut the door behind them. He grabbed the suitcase and one of the boxes and lead the way further into the interior. “You seemed in quite a hurry. He the reason you have to move?”

Roxas lifted the remaining box, lazily slung his backpack over one shoulder and followed. He made a noncommittal sound and left it at that.

Axel gave him a look but didn't inquire further. 

Roxas glanced around himself as he was lead further inside. The layout was a lot like his previous dorm room. A small main entrance hallway, with a door leading off to the bathroom. The hall opened up to a large shared living space. This area was much larger than the space he had shared with Riku and Sora, probably because of being next to the fire escape.

A kitchen area lined one corner. Counters, sink, fridge, stove and cupboards. There was one rickety looking square wooden table with just one sad little chair next to it. The rest of the living space was carpeted. A small sofa, which had seen better days, was pushed against one wall. The colorful throw-rug over the top did nothing to disguise its inherent sadness. And opposite of the sofa stood an LCD TV, with a few game consoles stacked underneath it. 

The only other furniture seemed to be a desk, a little stand with a lamp on it and a coffee table. The coffee table was positively littered with snacks, video games and various controllers.

Roxas also thought he caught sight of a bunch of porn magazines but didn’t look too closely. Adjacent to the wall with the sofa were two doors. Roxas was lead through the one on the right, into a bedroom. 

He watched Axel dump his things in a corner, and joined him there, depositing his box and backpack.

“So this will be your room. Just as soon as we clear out the desk and fans. I’ve already unplugged everything. Just need your great manpower to lift this with me.”

Roxas nodded and continued to look around himself. This room was pretty much like his old room. There was a built-in closet, a large curtained window, a bed, a desk, and for some reason the rest of the dining table chairs, with fans seated atop of them.

“You might need to vacuum. I've eaten way too many snacks in here.” Axel informed as they got on either end of the desk and carried it out, maneuvering it into Axel’s room, next door.

“Kay. I’ll do that once we’re done here.”

Axel’s room was relatively tidy where the floor space was concerned. Roxas didn’t want to look but he couldn’t avoid seeing the copious amount of condom boxes on the bedside stand. Colorful bottles - filled most likely with lubricant - sat in between the condoms. The bed was a rumpled mess and the wastepaper basket was filled.

Roxas began to worry about what he had committed himself to.

“Just slide it here against the wall.”

He did so.

“Phew. Thanks.”

“It’s a lot heavier than it looks,” Roxas remarked.

“Solid wood.” Axel placed a stack of papers on his newly relocated desk before continuing, “You want that desk by the TV in your room?”

“Guess so, only so much work I can get done sitting in bed.”

“Right.”

Axel helped move the other desk into Roxas newly acquired room. After that Roxas pointed at the chairs and fans. “What're you gonna do with this junk?” 

A gasp sounded. “It's not junk. It's vital to my experiments.”

“You sound like a mad scientist.”

“Maybe I am,” Axel barked out a manic laugh before dropping it as suddenly as it had been produced. “You wanna see?”

Intense green stare landed on Roxas. He had never been looked at that way by Axel before. Maybe it was the tattoos that hadn’t been there when they were younger. Maybe it was the longer hair, or the way Axel seemed to have filled out a little more. Whatever it was Roxas forgot what the question had just been. “Huh?”

Axel gave an amused huff and shook his head. “Here, I’ll just show you.” He turned all the fans on, carefully angling one that he seemed to perceive as having marginally moved, and then picked up a paper plane from one of the chairs. He dropped it into the air current and let it cruise. It bounced from one fan to the other, making a complete circle, and continued on.

Roxas stared in amazement. “Woah, that’s so cool!”

Axel grinned. “Yeah, it is. I build different designs and then test them like this.”

“Amazing.”

It didn’t take much time to move the rest of Axel’s stuff out of now Roxas’ room, and into one corner of the living area. Axel carefully adjusted and aligned the chairs and fans and then did the test again to make sure everything flowed right.

Roxas watched in silence, sitting on the sofa arm. It was cool to witness Axel being the way Roxas had always imagined him as a kid; Interesting, self-motivated and still cool as can be. But there was something else to Axel’s coolness - he was hot as well. Roxas wasn’t happy about that thought. But he told himself that Axel was an utter asshole, so it would be completely different than how it had been living with Riku and Sora.

Axel turned back towards Roxas once he had gotten things just the way he wanted. “So that’s everything. Welcome, I guess. The population is us, so feel free to use whatever. But don’t move the fans, or I’m gonna hurt you,” he threatened. 

“Understood.” His eyes skidded across his new abode and a sudden pang of hunger hit as he examined the kitchen area. “Do you cook yourself dinner?” 

“Nah. I usually forget to eat. So if you want anything you’re gonna have to go do your own hunting and gathering. All the snacks up in that cupboard,” Axel pointed, “are mine, and you better not touch those.”

Roxas left the sofa and headed straight for the cupboard. He grimaced as he pulled out a packet of dried squid. “You actually eat this stuff?”

“Yeah,” Axel’s voice sounded right next to Roxas’ ear, causing him to jump, and Axel laughed. 

He grabbed the packet and opened it.

Roxas pulled a face at the smell and sight of dried tentacles hanging out of Axel’s mouth. “Yeah, you don’t have to be afraid of me touching your snacks if they’re all like that.”

“Awesome,” was the chipper response.

* * *

 

Roxas spent the remainder of the afternoon unboxing his things and scrutinizing whether it would be safe to sleep on the bed.

“You've never had sex on this bed, right?”

“Never,” Axel had said as he was on his way out, to work. “Marly on the other hand… he did have his boyfriend over a lot the week before he left.” And with that, as well as a big grin and a wink, Axel had gone.

_Asshole_ , was all that Roxas had thought.

He went grocery shopping for bare essentials at the small convenience store just off campus, while he waited for the sheets to wash. And while he waited for them to tumble dry he cooked a small meal of instant noodles, eggs and some vegetables. 

The timing had worked out great as Roxas heard a key in the door and Axel walked in… with someone else in tow.

The three of them looked at each other. 

“Wow, you weren't kidding when you said you actually let someone move in here.”

“Why would I joke about something so awful?” He shut the door behind the guest. 

“Hey, I uh - made dinner… if you want some,” Roxas got out stiffly.

“Dinner?” An excited cheer was let out by the blonde woman. “Looks like you got yourself a little housewife, Axel.” She high-fived him.

Roxas flared a bit. “I'm no one's wife. I just like to eat.”

“Larx, shut ya mouth or we probably _won't_ get dinner,” Axel chastised and put on a sweet face for Roxas, with battering eyelashes. “Food would be awesome.”

Roxas would have liked for them all to have sat around the tiny dining table, but there was only one chair, so they stood around it instead, shoveling food into their mouths.

Axel was all gleeful smiles while he ate. “This is awesome. Shoulda gotten myself a roomie months ago.”

“Bet you're gonna get sick of it in a week,” Larxene jeered.

“Get lost. If I say one bad word about Roxas this week I'll buy you lunch for a week.”

“Gonna hold you to that, buster. And I get to pick what I eat. You're not going to cheap out on me.”

“Whatever. I don't plan on losing this. Roxas would never give me a reason to bitch and moan about him, right man?”

He shrugged in response.

“I'll give you something to moan about in a while though,” Larxene bumped Axel and sniggered.

“Counting on it,” was Axel's off-hand response.

“Oh, so you guys -” Roxas hoped he wouldn't have to finish that sentence.

“I hope you brought something to drown us out with.”

Larxene nudged Axel, “Or maybe he only agreed to bunk with you 'cause he gets his kicks from listening to others.”

“Hmm, never thought of that. Do you, Roxas?” A dangerous and toothy smirk appeared.

“No,” was his flat response. “I needed a change of scenery. I figure whatever you guys get up to can't be as bad as what I left behind.” Roxas regretted his words instantaneously though.

Axel and Larxene leaned in towards Roxas, and both solemnly intoned, “What did you leave behind?”

“Nothing. Put your bowls in the sink when you're done. I'm getting my laundry.” He dumped his own bowl in the sink, checked to make sure he still had his keys in his pocket, and left the dorm.

When Roxas returned with his washing all was quiet… but only for a little while. There was thumping, moaning and vocal exclamations probably designed to egg each other on. There wasn’t much Roxas could do. This was going to be his life now. He found solace in the fact that it was still better than before. He didn’t care about the two people in the other room. He didn’t wish it was him in there instead. So Roxas pulled out his earbuds and put on some music while he rearranged his room.

It lasted for _way_ too long. Almost an hour and a half. Every time a moment of quiet happened - every time Roxas thought it was safe - the noises started again. He didn’t understand how they could keep it up for so long, and Roxas grossed himself out when he noticed himself wondering about Axel’s stamina.

Eventually he heard doors opening and closing and sighed with relief. He finally left the relative safety of his earbuds and walked out of his room to watch some late night talk shows.

Axel eventually appeared out of the bathroom - stark naked. Roxas threw his eyes towards the wall and away from Axel.

“What’re you doing?”

“Huh? Walking to my room.” Axel’s voice drew closer.

“Yeah, but why’re you naked?”

“I told you this would happen.” There was smugness in his voice.

Roxas could feel the other man’s presence, coming to a standstill next to the sofa and himself. “Yeah, but why?”

“I’m gonna love seeing you try to not get any clothes wet that you bring into that bathroom. It’s too small and humid in there.”

“Couldn’t you at least put a towel around yourself?”

“Oh c’mon. Don’t be such a prude. I’ve got nothing that you’ve never seen before. All the same bits, see?”

To Roxas’ horror he could hear bits of flesh hitting together as he caught the slightest sight of Axel wiggling about in his periphery. Roxas groaned and hid his face in the palm of his hand.

Axel laughed and ran an offensive hand through Roxas’ hair before he walked into his room and shut the door.

Roxas wondered if he hadn’t made a huge mistake after all.

* * *

 

His friends queried him over what it was like living with Axel over the following days, as the man apparently had a reputation around campus. _Sex addict_ was thrown around a lot, and Roxas was inclined to believe it. But he waved it off as inconsequential, claiming he had known what he had gotten himself into, since he had known what an asshole Axel was, for years. Sora kept insisting that Roxas move back in with them if he ever changed his mind, but he clearly couldn’t accept the offer.

He wasn’t happy about it, but he couldn’t feasibly do anything about it either. Roxas got used to Axel’s apparently quite probable sex addiction. Larxene was around most days, and when she wasn’t, Axel had porn streaming on the television. Even when he wasn’t really watching it or paying attention to it, it was still on. Roxas had no choice but to put up with the sexcapades. But he did voice his discontent, and at least got Axel to agree to cut out the porn, as long as he swore to never complain about Axel getting off with people next door. Roxas found that reasonable enough and continued to drown out the sounds from Axel’s room as best he could with headphones. There was also the small blessing that Axel stayed true to his word to behave after midnight, so it wasn’t all bad.

Roxas even got used to Axel’s nakedness. And in truth he could see his point. The bathrooms in this building were all abysmal and it was nigh impossible to shower without getting water virtually everywhere. Roxas took to draping a towel over himself when he went to and from the bathroom, to retain some modesty. He ignored Axel’s teasing and suggestions to just forgo the whole towel completely. Roxas refused to be like Axel.

They mostly stayed out of each others way - each living in their own separate bubble. Not so much on purpose, but more so due to their differing schedules. Roxas worked mostly on weekends, and sometimes in the mornings. And when they were both in the same space both were busy with studies, or Axel was busy with his _recreational_ activities.

Roxas more purposefully kept his distance from Riku and Sora, opting to only hang out with them during their lunchtime. He found plenty of valid excuses to not hang out with them at the end of the day. But sometimes he had free time, and then he’d find himself sitting around, playing video games, or watching TV shows. Axel would occasionally join him, and sometimes they’d talk and make fun of what was happening on the shows.

Roxas also called his friends back home a lot more. He couldn’t keep his dorm room situation a secret from them for very long. He got laughed at, and then when the reality hit that Roxas hadn’t been joking, amazed disbelief settled in. 

He also spoke quite often to his parents. With Roxas’ birthday just around the corner there had been an influx of family-related conversations. The odd thing was that if Roxas was on the phone to his parents and Axel was around, Axel would always get up and leave, if they were sharing the sofa. Or if Roxas was in his room and the door was open Axel would come and shut it. Roxas assumed the guy was just giving him some privacy, which was nice. 

But one afternoon Roxas got off the phone to his dad and was met with a rather disgruntled look from Axel, who was leaning against his doorframe.

“What?”

“You should really take those phone calls outside. You’re disgusting to listen to. ‘Love you’ this, and ‘love you’ that.” Axel made a gagging motion.

“Well now you know what it’s like listening to _you_ when you’re going at it with Larxene,” Roxas dismissed flippantly.

Axel rolled his eyes and shook his head before turning away and leaving Roxas alone.

More strange behavior ensued. Another time Axel had been making as much noise as he possibly could. Roxas felt like he had apologized a million times to his mother, whom he had been having a heartfelt conversation with regarding his latest worries for his future.

He got off the phone with his mother, stormed out of his room and snapped, “What's your problem today?” 

Axel, who never seemed to take an interest in domestic duties, like tidying up, washing dishes or vacuuming, had done all three.

Axel turned off the faucet and pulled the plug on the kitchen sink, which noisily drained away. “What?” came the innocent response, attached to fluttering eyelashes.

“You know _exactly_ what. You never do anything around here. I asked you to be quiet - I was having an important conversation - and you’re being a complete dick.”

Playfulness washed away. “I'm so sick and tired of hearing your shit, Roxas. Why's your mom even care to hear all your problems?” Axel snapped right back, and threw bright yellow washing-up gloves against the benchtop.

“ ‘Cause she cares about me. It’s what parents do, duh.” Roxas planted himself on the sofa and flicked on the television.

“Not everyone's got a fucking perfect family like you,” came the barking retort - and then fuming silence. 

Roxas stared back at Axel, somewhat wide-eyed, as he had no idea where that even came from. “They’re definitely not perfect,” he muttered, feeling like Axel’s wrath was permeating the air.

Axel huffed and his intense glare vanished. “What-fucking-ever. I’ll be back later. And you could say ‘Thanks for cleaning up’.” He turned towards the door and left, slamming it behind himself, leaving Roxas baffled, and muttering a ‘ _Thanks’_ to no one but himself.

* * *

 

Although he had managed to stave off any annoying remarks about his roomie for the first week he hadn’t been able to keep it up for longer than that. When he found something irritating to report he had no qualms about venting to his friends - especially after some major annoyance occurred - like Roxas’ ungratefulness the night before.

This day was no different. He threw his tray down with a clatter, announcing to everyone that he had a shit night.

“What’s the matter now? More boyfriend troubles?” Seifer questioned, with the intention of getting a rise out of Axel. 

But Axel wasn’t going to let him. He ignored the implication. “He’s such a fucking little turd. One of you guys should take him off my hands.”

“I don't understand why you ruined your life like this. You had everything going for yourself. A great place all to yourself, and others even paying the full rent,” Marluxia reprimanded.

“I was doing you a favor by taking someone else in, so you didn’t have to pay the rent anymore.”

“While I’m happy to finally have that munnie-sink out of my life it doesn't mean your choices are my responsibility, so don’t even _think_ that Laurence and I are gonna take in your little experimental pet. You need to learn your lesson about taking responsibility for your actions and choices.”

“You’re a cold fucking bastard,” Axel whined and looked to his other friends for sympathy.

“No, no, _no!_ You definitely can’t pawn him off on us once you’ve had enough of him. That’s bad pet care,” Demyx chastised. 

“Just kick him out if he’s such a pain in the butt,” Seifer brushed off flippantly.

“Yeah. What’s your problem? Just get rid of him. Shouldn't matter to you what happens to him after. It’s not like you like the guy or anything,” Larxene muttered, while poking her plastic looking omelette. “Or do you?” her eyebrow quirked up.

Axel snorted. “Hell no. I was doing him a favor. I'll cash in on that favor eventually - if I can survive his awfulness.”

“Oh, so that's why. You saw an opportunity. Well that's a relief. You being kind from the heart seems like something you'd only do if you were dying.”

“Not dying just yet. You're stuck with me for a while, Seifer.”

“Lucky me,” he said glumly.

What a laughable idea that had been. No way did he like Roxas. Not on the days he was being a complete bastard anyway. There was no need to tell his friends that on the other days Axel could quite easily tolerate - and sometimes even looked forward to - hanging out with him. That was Axel’s business, and no one else's.

His irritation with his roommate ebbed and swelled like the tide. Once he got over it by the end of that day Axel could concede that he had been a bit of an asshole the night before. But that was acceptable. Axel could have been a _much_ bigger asshole after all.

He had fought and suppressed the urge to say something to Roxas for as long as possible - an amazing sacrifice in its own right - but the almost daily one-sided phone conversations he had to endure had been too much. 

Axel was lucky to hear from his parents two weeks _after_ his birthday. If they ever remembered to actually give enough of a shit to call him on the actual day, Axel thought he’d keel over and die.

So Roxas receiving that many calls _leading up_ to it had been grating, to say the least. But that was his own problem - not his roommates - and with some chill-out time he could see that.

He wanted to do something to make it up to Roxas. After all, up to this point it had actually been great rooming with the guy. They were mostly out of each other's hair, Roxas cooked and cleaned - like a great little housekeeper - and they had things in common, if the posters on Roxas’ walls said anything. Plus there was that stuff from the past. So it was probably in Axel’s best self-interest to keep the guy happy.

He had something specific in mind - a half-finished project. He thought that this might be the last bit of motivation he needed to finish it.

* * *

 

The day of Roxas’ birthday arrived. And with it a barrage of text messages and social media alert notifications. 

He received a cake at lunchtime, which Sora had sources from somewhere. He wanted to disappear under the table as his friends all sung him ‘Happy Birthday’ in the middle of the cafeteria. Others around the hall joined in too. Roxas’ eyes darted to where the loudest of the ruckus was coming from, to find it emanating from Axel’s table, across the hall. 

Roxas wasn’t sure if he was doing it to be an asshole, or if Axel was being genuine. They hadn’t really seen much of each other since last week’s blow-up. But right now Roxas thought it might be a genuine nice thing. It made him smile, but the whole sing-a-long in general made him feel like he was turning bright red.

After the singing died down and the cake was being eaten Sora piped up, “You still up for hitting the town this evening, Roxas?”

“Hell yeah.”

“And we can get super drunk, ‘cause Riku’s designated driver,” their friend Linus shouted.

When Roxas’ day finally finished he felt excited and raring to go out that evening. He stopped by the mail room and picked up a bunch of envelopes all addressed to himself, as well as a big package, which would be the birthday present his parents had sent him. Hastily he made it back to his dorm and into his room where he ripped into the box to find the exact pair of noise-cancelling headphones he had been after. 

He slid them on and sighed with pleasure at how quiet everything was. Of course he knew he’d have to give them a proper test - probably even as soon as tonight - but he felt optimistic that they would be a lot better than the earbuds he had been using up until this point.

Roxas then sifted through the pile of birthday cards, well wishes and letters he had received from relatives and friends alike. There were a few envelopes addressed to ‘The Residence’, which always turned out to be for Axel, so Roxas never bothered to open those.

Still wearing his headphones, to gauge the longevity of the comfort they were able to provide, he called out Axel’s name, walked out of his room and knocked on the door before trying the handle to see if it was open.

It swung wide, and Roxas was pleased to note that he couldn’t hear the usual squeak it gave whenever the hinges moved. He felt really pleased with himself that he had thought of asking for these as a gift from his parents.

He stepped through the doorway and towards Axel’s desk, as the man didn’t appear to be in right now. Other than moving Axel’s desk, about a month ago, Roxas had never set foot into Axel’s room. Axel was usually there to take the mail, if there ever was any for him. 

Roxas left the letters on the desk. It was littered with countless paper and also resin crafted planes. Roxas had watched Axel test some of these denser models on the fan-circuit and had been rather impressed to learn that he had access to a 3D printer to work out some of the finer details and make prototype designs.

As he looked through the plane models he noticed some which looked familiar, and looked way more like spaceships than actual practical planes. It made Roxas grin. They didn’t talk much about the TV show they both had probably grown up watching, but Roxas knew that Axel was an A-grade nerd under his cool tattoos and aloof attitude.

He put the model of the TRX-A40 back down and was going to leave when his eyes caught on some of the papers and picture frames, which were stuck to the wall. Roxas stared, and squinted, and thought hard. It should have been tatty and crinkled worse than it was, but the frame it was encased in had preserved both picture and card.

Roxas yelped and turned to face Axel, who had come up beside him and lifted his ear cup to say, “You need something?”

Trying to still his breathing, Roxas huffed a little, “God, you scared me,” and slid his headphones down to his neck.

Axel gave a lopsided smirk. “Guess those headphones are pretty good then, huh? I called your name when I opened the front door.”

“They’re amazing. Have as much sex as you want. I won’t hear shit,” he grinned.

“Ah! Your blessing! That’s what I’ve been after all my life!” 

“Well you have it, my child. Go forth and do what you want,” Roxas grinned, feeling happy that Axel seemed in a better mood.

Axel smirked, and it turned positively evil, “So I get to have sex all night then?”

“No. Curfew still stands.”

“Aww,” Axel pouted. “So what’s up? Why you in here? Lost something?”

“Huh? Oh - no. Just came in to dump your letters.” He flicked his finger and vaguely pointed at the envelopes.

“Ah, thanks.”

“Say… ,” Roxas’ eyes returned to the frame. “You kept this all these years.”

“Hmm?” Axel’s attention was drawn in the direction of Roxas’ pointed gaze. “Yeah. Ah - never felt right to throw it out,” he shrugged.

“But - this is in a frame. You… took good care of it.” Roxas didn’t know how to feel about that. The humiliation of that day still burned a little.

“Well… I never met anyone who’s ever liked that show, let alone anyone who’s ever made me anything. So… ,” Axel shifted, his eyes fell back onto the letters. “I - well I thought of it like a treasure. Plus if I'm ever gonna sell that card it needs to be in pristine condition, right?” A weak grin was given.

_A treasure_. It punctured Roxas a little. “I used to check the market value once in a while. Sad to report the cards still aren’t worth much.”

“Doesn’t really matter. It’s the thought that was important,” Axel muttered. “Besides, what would I do with a bajillion munny anyway?”

Roxas hummed in agreement, “Yeah. That’s way too much. You’d have to donate it to charity or something. And that would be a huge waste.” 

“Totally,” Axel smiled.

Roxas couldn’t hold the gaze, but smiled through the awkwardness. He hoped he wasn’t turning red like he feared he might be. Nerves made him laugh a little, which also got Axel chuckling. 

“Look. I ah - made you this.” Axel lifted his arm and held up a 3D printed model of -

“Oh my God, is that Layla Winstrombe,” Roxas gaped and took it out of Axel’s hands.

“Yeah.”

He turned the little statue over in his hands, looking at all the tiny details. She was posing much in the same way that Roxas had drawn her so many years ago.

“Happy birthday.” And then Axel added on, more quietly, “Sorry - for being a dick.”

“This is amazing, Axel! Thank you! You’re the best dick I know!” Almost reflexively he threw his arms around Axel’s neck and gave him a hug, making sure not to damage the model.

Axel chuckled and pressed his hand to Roxas’ back, making Roxas feel completely self-conscious, so he quickly pulled away again.

“Hope you like it.”

Roxas fixated on the model, inspecting it, and trying to draw his mind off the way Axel’s touch had been so warm, and the way his timbre held an alluring rumble. “I do like it. Thanks again,” he turned eyes up towards Axel. “You know what this means don't you?”

Axel shook his head.

“We gotta make the entire cast of characters now.”

“By _we_ I assume you mean _me_ , right?” Axel raised an eyebrow but was smiling regardless.

“Yup,” Roxas declared with cheer.

That pronouncement got them talking and planning, until a knock on their front door made Roxas aware of how much time had passed.

He got changed in a hurry and was out the door in a matter of minutes.

* * *

 

Roxas’ friends took him out for dinner and then some nightclubs. They had danced, and drunk, and maybe Roxas had drunk a little more than he would have, upon seeing Sora and Riku grinding against each other on the dance floor. 

He felt pathetic for still holding onto resentment. He hated that he couldn't find it in himself to be happy for them. So he drank, and drank, and chatted up some cute guy who bought him another drink.

As the night went on he made out with at least two guys. He wasn't sure about the third. It could have just been the first one again. It didn't matter.

At some point he found himself on his knees in a grimy washroom of the nightclub they had gone to. Some guy had made a very compelling argument as to why Roxas should give him a blowjob, despite it being Roxas’ birthday.

He couldn't remember what the good reason was - maybe it had been that the guy was hot - it didn't really matter. Roxas was pawing at tight jeans, fumbling to undo them, when a sound cut the heavy bass seeping through the washroom walls.

“Hey, it's occupied. Get the fuck out.”

“Not without him.”

Heavy hand landed on Roxas’ shoulder, pulling him up and out.

“What? No, I was gonna do him. Riku - let go. He said he'd… give me… something… ,” Roxas’ head was way too fuzzy and his protests lacked resolve.

“You’ll thank me for this in the morning, Roxas.”

Loud noise gave way to cool air, and he was pushed into a tight space.

“Watch your head.”

But Roxas managed to hit it against something hard, which should have hurt if the alcohol wasn’t numbing everything in a delightful way. A door closed and Roxas was left alone. He didn't know for how long, because he slumped against the seat and fell asleep. 

Roxas woke again to find arms around him. Eyes focused and saw Riku’s face above his. He leaned up for a kiss but it was deflected.

“C’mon, time to get you to bed.”

Another set of arms was around him when he cleared the car space.

“Sora, Riku’s not kissing me. Why won't he kiss me? You're here. It's fine,” he whined.

Sora's affectionate chuckle landed in Roxas’ ear. “We’ll give you a goodnight kiss when we get you home, okay?”

Roxas nodded and let himself be assisted to his building, up a few flights of stairs, and to his front door.

It was unlocked for him while he leaned heavily on one of his chaperones.

“Goodnight, Roxas. Hope you had an awesome birthday.”

“Yeah. Was fun,” he yawned, sleep still weighing heavily on him.

“Want us to tuck you in?” Sora offered.

Roxas righted himself a little in objection. “I can do it myself. Night guys.”

He received two kisses on his cheeks, and was gently pushed through the doorway, where he slumped against it, trying to steady himself while the world spun from having been turned around too fast. When it was safe to move again Roxas yawned and stumbled towards his bedroom, not seeing much of anything in the dark and because of his drunken stupor.

He reached his door and gave the handle a turn and push, but it didn't budge. He pushed against it a little, and then pulled, just in case he got it wrong. Still nothing. Roxas wiggled the door handle and then started thumping against the door itself with vigour. Trust his luck to somehow be stuck outside of his bedroom when all he wanted was to sleep.

He was ramming his shoulder against the door when it suddenly flew open, causing Roxas to fall against - not hard ground - but something padded and warm.

“What the fucks wrong, man?” came a grumpy and sleepy voice, which was kind of familiar to him.

“I wanna go to sleep. But my door’s jammed.”

“This isn't your door, dumbass.”

Arms pushed Roxas away, giving him some space to look up and see someone who looked an awful lot like - “Axel.” It finally dawned on Roxas’ alcohol and sleep-addled brain.

The man sighed, put his hands on Roxas’ shoulders and maneuvered him out and to the other room. Axel turned the door handle.

“See, this is your door. Opens real easy.”

“Sorry, Axel.” Roxas felt himself getting teary at the reality of his situation. “My old room was on the left.”

“Well now it's on the right. Don't forget it.”

Roxas was pushed into the now open doorway.

“Why doesn’t Riku like me?” he burst out, turning back towards Axel.

Axel groaned. “I don't know, Roxas. Ask her yourself. I'm going back to sleep. Night.”

As the door was being pulled shut Roxas whined, “Axel.”

“What?” came a snarl. 

Roxas whimpered and Axel sighed. Door pushed open, hand landed on Roxas’ wrist, and then he was lead to his bed.

Axel pointed, “Go to bed, Roxas. You make a miserable drunk.”

“I wouldn't be miserable or drunk if Riku liked me.”

With a sigh Axel pushed and rolled Roxas onto his bed, pulling covers over his head. “Go to sleep and stop thinking. No one's ever had a good idea or solved a problem while drunk.”

Roxas pulled the blanket off his head and rolled onto his side. “I don't like being alone,” he muttered.

“You're better off alone, Roxas. All of us are. Now go to sleep.”

Roxas received a rub against his hair, which was somewhat soothing. He muttered a weak, “Night,” and drifted off before he heard his door click shut.


	7. Civilities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The men learn to get along.

Roxas woke up somewhat hung-over. His alarm blared from somewhere. Half his body slid out of bed as he stretched down and found his phone… in his pants… which he was no longer wearing.

He tried to think back on what happened, and it made him groan. There was something about a bathroom and being saved from it. And he was sure he had made a total fool of himself in front of Axel. Just great.

Somehow he got himself out of bed and into the shower. Standing under the hot spray felt nice. He let the spray seep into his hair and wash out all the stench of last night. He lost track of time but eventually dried off as much as possible, wrapped a towel around himself, and ventured back out towards his room.

He nearly made it too, but then Axel popped his head out of his room, “Looks like you found the right door this time.”

Roxas slammed his door shut behind himself and ignored the laughter.

Other than Roxas trying to live down that embarrassment, things went pretty all right. Axel didn’t harp on about it too much and they went about their normal activities. 

Roxas felt like it was actually possible to be friends, and not just keep a detached acquaintanceship going with Axel. Having his noise-cancelling headphones worked a treat when he put on music, podcasts, or a movie. It was easy to forget that Axel even existed and he could work in peace, on course projects or fun side projects - like priming and painting the model Axel had given him.

They spent marginally more time together, usually huddled up in front of Axel’s computer, fiddling with 3D programs.

Axel used them for modelling his aircrafts but had also made a rudimentary human frame, which he had used for the statue that now stood with defiant pride on Roxas’ desk, in a half-painted state. Axel showed Roxas the basics, and then the more fiddly bits of getting the very fine details modelled.

They started rewatching episodes of Twilight World to get poses and outfits right. Roxas had a huge blast going down memory lane and actually being able to share it with someone.

He found that they detested most of the same characters, and equally loved others, though sometimes for vastly different reasons. But Roxas was okay with that.

Axel flippantly let fly once, “You know I got her autograph once.”

“Who’s?”

“Mertle Grivansky’s.”

“What? Seriously?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I see?”

“Ah, I lost it a while ago, while I was moving around,” Axel brushed aside.

Roxas’ mouth hung open. He couldn’t believe it. “Aww man, that's such a shame. Bet you were devastated. I know I'd be.”

Axel stretched out on the sofa. “It's just stuff. I could track the whole cast down at a convention if I really wanted to.”

“You could, but it'd be hard. They haven't done the convention circuit in a long time.” Roxas couldn’t hide the disappointment in his voice. “How'd you get her autograph anyway? We were both way too young to ever meet them anywhere.” He leaned in towards Axel, “I practically had to beg my dad to take me to a convention where Sarah Rothum was gonna show up - but then she cancelled for some reason.”

Axel shrugged. “I just wrote her a letter saying how much I loved her and the show, and one day I got a reply with a signed autograph.”

“Woah! Holy shit! That seriously worked?”

“Yup,” he grinned.

Roxas felt completely bummed out and flopped back against the backrest. “Man, can't believe you lost it. What a human tragedy.”

Axel brushed it off with a chuckle. “I've had years to come to terms with my loss.”

“Lucky you. I feel like I'm about to start the grieving process. Grivansky was like… ,” he stopped to ponder and find an accurate word.

“An angel.”

“Yeah. I love my mom, but she was like the mom I would have traded my own one in for.”

Axel laughed a little at that. “Yeah, well.” He shrugged and focused back on the TV.

Roxas hadn’t known Axel on a personal level for very long, but he thought he could tell when there was a shift in mood. “Is everything all right, Axel?”

“Yeah.”

“You sure? It's like you get moody over certain things.”

“No I don't.”

“Mm, you kinda do. Like when we talk about parents. Not that you ever talk much about yours,” Roxas tried carefully.

Axel sat in pensive silence for a while. He was quiet for so long that Roxas thought that had truly been the end of their conversation.

“This show was important to me because it took me away from all the shit going on in my life,” Axel spoke in a monotone, not looking at anything but the TV. “My folks hated each other's guts. They never admitted to it until they got divorced. But they never needed to say it. I could just tell in everything they did. Twilight World was my time-out from listening to their shit.”

“I'm sorry to hear that,” were the only pathetic and inadequate words he could get out.

Axel shrugged. “Nothing to be done about it. I tried to fix things. When I got good grades they fought less - but eventually even that wasn't good enough.”

“That’s rough,” Roxas mumbled.

“Doesn’t matter. I'm bushed. Think I'm gonna go sleep. Night.”

“Night, Axel.” He watched Axel get up and walk away.

* * *

 

Axel slumped down on his bed. Why had he said that shit? Why had he thought about it? He stared at the ugly carpet for a while, before getting off the bed and sitting on the ground. He pulled out a shoebox from underneath the bed and dug through it until - at the very bottom - he pulled out the autographed photo he had ripped up and then later glued back together.

Madraxis had been one of his favorites. She was wise and benevolent. She was everything Axel thought a mother should be. He had liked to pretend that he lived in that other world. That he could go on adventures with Layla, who was by far Axel’s most favorite character. She had spunk and an awesome outspoken nature. She was fun, and Axel had always wistfully devoured all the character interactions as they whizzed about space engaging in space diplomacy - which Axel, as a young kid, had never really understood the nuances of. And when that boring stuff inevitably failed he reveled in the more all-in-guns-blazing approach that Layla jumped on, even if she was later reprimanded by Madraxis. 

That show was Axel’s highlight of his childhood. More so than all the accolades he received for being a good student.

As Axel had told Roxas, he really had written a letter to the actress who played Madraxis. He had been fully aware that the show had ended a long time ago, but he had still wanted to vocalize how important the show and characters had been to him.

He had never expected to hear anything back, nor did he ever really remember what exactly he wrote in the letter, or how he found the gumption to track down the proper address and actually post the letter - but he remembered the day he had received mail, and how befuddled his father had been over the fact that his eight-year-old son had been the recipient of any kind of mail. 

It had been this autographed portrait, with a message scrawled on it for Axel to never give up. That picture had meant the world to him and he had kept it safe for years as it had been his most prized possession.

And then life had changed. He got a little smarter and less naive. He saw the ugly side of life. The message scrawled on the autograph burned him, because it wasn’t how life was. He had learned that there was no point in trying ones best. 

The pang of that realization still stung Axel’s chest, even to this day. It’s why the picture was stuck somewhere he could never see it, unless he went looking for it. 

He had felt betrayed by his spiritually adopted mother, Madraxis. Because he had tried his best for so long. He hadn’t given up. He had attempted to live up to the principals she embodied in the show. But his parents had just gotten worse. So one day in a fit of rage he had begun to burn the picture and it's positive message. 

As he looked at it now he remembered the anger and upset which had swept through him at that time. The middle was charred and warped. He had changed his mind though, just as the photograph was catching light, put it out and tore it up instead. But he had never been able to bring himself to throw it out. Because - despite everything - he had managed to get this signed photo, through determination. And that had meant something to Axel. He couldn’t please others, but he could get things done for himself if he set his mind to it.

Axel slid it back into the bottom of his box of old memorabilia. Looking at it always hurt somehow. Maybe he should have thrown it out.

* * *

 

Roxas had been left feeling quite sad for Axel. He couldn’t imagine having his parents hate each other, and what that must have been like to grow up with. So he wanted to do something nice for him, and poured a lot of hours into making a 3D model of Madraxis. It was though learning the program, even with Axel’s earlier instructions. Some of the details didn't look as sharp as he would like, but he figured if he could get most of the basic elements in Axel could fix up the things he couldn't deal with.

He set aside an hour each day, usually when Axel was at work or screwing Larxene.

One evening he got it as close to complete as he thought he could. He leaned back in his chair and admired his handiwork on the monitor, grinning like a fool.

Roxas had caught the hint of the sound opening and closing about an hour ago and his name, so he knew Axel was back. He was quite eager to show him. Maybe putting in the finer details wouldn't take too long and Axel could get the model printed off tomorrow.

He pulled his headphones off to gauge if Axel had brought Larxene over. All seemed quiet. He copied the file onto a USB and rushed out of his room, gave an abrupt knock on Axel's door and pushed inside.

“Axel I wanna show - you… someth…”

“Wanna join?” Axel licked his lips.

Roxas retreated from the room, and pulled the door shut tight behind himself. His heart was in his throat, he felt cold and clammy with embarrassment. “Dude,” he shouted. “Lock your fucking door next time,” he slammed his fist against the wood for good measure.

“Can't, in case you try to break it down again,” came the amused shout back.

Roxas grumbled and groaned, leaving Axel's door behind and seeking safety in his own room. But it didn’t help. He felt mortified. The image of naked bodies on top of each other - of Axel's mouth sliding off a dick - had that seriously been another guy? Yeah, totally had been. He felt it burning into his mind.

Roxas rested elbows on desk and cradled his head. Axel's smirk flashed before his eyes. Dumb asshole should know to lock his door. Roxas had seen Axel completely naked before but… this was _different_. This had been too much. Too intimate. Too personal. He had been… sixty-nining… a _guy_. He supposed that explained the quiet. But fuck! Roxas couldn't unsee it either. Fuck Axel was hot.

He swallowed that thought down and focused on the program and model he had still open on his screen.

Since when did Axel have sex with guys? It had only ever been Larxene for as long as Roxas had been here. Had something happened? Did they break up? Axel hadn't seemed upset or off lately.

Whimpers and groans sounded from next door. Roxas supposed they had moved on to some other activity, so he slid his headphones back on and played some music.

He wished he could drown out the mental images as easily as the sound though.

* * *

 

Roxas stayed in his room for that night and made sure to avoid seeing Axel the following day. On the second day however there was no avoiding each other, mainly because Axel was knocking on Roxas’ door until he opened up.

“Hey,” Axel threw out casually.

“Sup?” Roxas followed suit.

Axel leaned against the doorframe with his arm. He smelt nice, Roxas noticed with regret.

“You avoiding me on purpose?”

“Yeah.”

Eyebrow raised, “Why?”

“You know why,” Roxas grumbled.

“No, I really don't. I'm the one who should be embarrassed, not you.”

“Are you?”

“Nah. It's no biggie, so chill, yeah?”

Roxas frowned at the floor. “If you say so.”

“I do, now look me in the eyes, c’mon.”

He dragged eyes onto Axel, and felt his face heat up. All he could think of was Axel being naked - sucking off guys. He supposed avoiding his roommate was stupid. It’s not like it had been helping him to not think about what he had seen.

Axel looked very amused at Roxas’ reluctant gaze. “Was it really so traumatizing?”

Roxas decided not to answer that. “You ever think you’ve got a sex addiction problem?”

“No problem to me,” he grinned.

Roxas rolled his eyes and decided to move on. “I wanted to show you something.” He patted Axel on the arm and retreated back into his room, towards his desk, and showed Axel what he had made.

“Ah, Madraxis. Nice job, Rox.”

“I just need you to work on the clasps and other little details.”

“No worries. Shouldn't take too long, and then we'll have another figure to add to the collection.” He touched the now almost finished painted model on Roxas’ desk. “You painted her really nice.”

“Thanks. Just need to put a final coat on.”

“Cool. You got a real knack for this. Having to paint all the fine details would drive me crazy,” Axel observed while carefully eyeing the figure. “I've got no patience when it comes to being meticulous.”

Roxas felt a little bit proud. He had spent a lot of time and attention on the trims and minute details. “Thanks,” he mumbled. “You’re selling yourself short though. I suck and have no patience for modelling all those small bits. But you seem to really enjoy that.”

Axel made a thoughtful sound in the back of his throat. “Well maybe you have a point there.”

Roxas was met with a contented smile, which squeezed his chest somewhat. He needed to change the subject “Um… Axel.”

“Yeah?”

“Is everything okay?”

Axel gave him a confused look. “Of course. You’re the one being weird, not me. I’m here to check on _you_.” Finger pressed against Roxas’ temple. 

“I just… feel awkward - and I’ve been busy,” he excused. “But you sure _you’re_ okay?”

“Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?” He stepped back and sat on the edge of Roxas’ bed.

Roxas swiveled around in his chair and faced Axel. “I mean between you and Larxene - since… well you know.”

“Yeah, everything's fine.”

“You guys didn't break up?”

“Break up?” Axel’s brow furrowed as he struggled to comprehend. But then in slow motion his eyes widened and a smile flourished. He began laughing so hard that tears squeezed out. “Oh God no. You think -,” he laughed harder. “You thought we were a couple?”

Roxas fought down the urge to swear at Axel. He dislikes being made to feel foolish, and Axel's mirth brought up way too much crap for him. But he tried to keep his cool, and gave a disgruntled, “Ah, well yeah,” in response.

Axel squeaked with hysterical laughter. He fell over backwards and thumped fists on the mattress.

Roxas frowned. “I don't see how it's so funny. It's only been you and her since I've been here - and it's been like two months. What else am I s’pposed to think?” Roxas crossed his arms and glared.

“Oh no, don't get grumpy.” Axel sat back up and wiped at his eyes, calming down somewhat. “It's just… if you knew, you'd see the funny side too.”

“How ‘bout you enlighten me then?”

“We've been friends for forever. She's like… well not my sister, 'cause that would be hell gross. But you get it, right?”

“Maybe,” Roxas muttered. “Friends with benefits?”

“Yeah, exactly. Same with Demyx, who was around the other night. You probably didn't see much of him,” Axel sniggered.

“You sure you don’t have a problem? Have you ever gone to see someone for it?”

“It’s not getting in the way of my life. It _enhances_ it,” Axel winked.

“Could you go a week without sex or jerking off. I hear you in the bathroom, you know.”

“Oh, you like to listen do you?”

“I never fucking said that, did I? And anyway, kind of hard not to hear you.”

“But does it turn you on?” Axel shifted a little towards Roxas.

Roxas’ heart thumped. “No.”

“Shame. If I had a roommate to fuck I wouldn’t have to ask my friends around so much.”

Was that why - Roxas had to stop the thought right there and moved on before the blush he was feeling creeping up, could manifest itself. “Demyx… I kind of remember a Demyx from school?”

“Yeah. We go way back. Same as Larx.”

“Oh. So they’re your two fuck-buddies?”

“Yup.”

“Why hasn’t Demyx been around more until now then?”

“You're taking a great big interest in my sex life. What’s with that?” Green eyes scanned Roxas carefully from top to bottom.

“Just making conversation,” he shrugged off.

Axel hummed. “Fair enough then. He was seeing someone, but they broke up, so it's back to being friends-with-benefits for him and me.” Axel leaned back on Roxas’ bed, propping himself up on elbows.

“You guys just have sex? Nothing else?”

“What else is there to have?”

“A…” Roxas felt uncomfortable. He didn’t want to get into this… with anyone - ever. But… maybe Axel had some sort of hidden secret that could be useful to him. “… Well, a relationship.”

Axel started laughing again. “Not with those two there’s not. They’re just friends.”

 _Just friends_. Roxas still didn’t get how it was possible. “Have they ever wanted a relationship with you?”

“No, they haven’t.”

“Oh. You sure?”

Axel sat up again and burned a stare into Roxas. “This interview feels like it’s more about you than me. Is everything okay with you?”

“Yeah, of course,” Roxas brushed off.

“Nothing to do with that chick who’s not kissing you? What was her name? Piku… Stiku… No wait, I think it was… Riku? Yeah that sounds about right.”

Roxas felt mortified. “What? How -”

“Aww, you don’t remember when I tucked you in on your birthday?”

“No, I remember that but…”

“Well you were crying about not getting any kisses. Was kinda cute and pathetic all at once,” Axel sniggered.

 _Shit_ , he thought. Had he been blabbing? Roxas’ heart raced a little.

“So what's with that anyway?” Axel pushed when Roxas remained silent.

“Ah… nothing.”

“C’mon, man. I've been opening up to you about all kinds of shit.”

Roxas crossed his arms and gave an aloof response of, “That's your fault. I never asked you to tell me anything.”

“Yeah, but we're gonna be friends, right? So you should tell me something.”

Roxas’ body buzzed, and his saliva felt stuck in his throat a little. _Friends_. That had been the dream for so long. Did Roxas still want that? A small part of him whispered, _yes_. “Mm… well Riku’s got a boyfriend. - Sora - and we're all friends. We started sleeping together -”

“Woah, who? You and that Riku? Even though she's got a boyfriend? Sounds like a right bitch to me.”

“No, no. Riku’s a guy for one, and the three of us started sleeping together.”

Axel's eyes shot wide open. “Guy? The three of you?”

Roxas knew he was going red. He stared at his floor and swiveled on his chair a little. “Yeah,” he muttered.

Axel began laughing again. It was giving Roxas all sorts of terrible traumatic flashbacks. He tensed and grew disgruntled.

“Holy shit, Rox. Seriously? You and threesomes?”

“What?” he snarled and shot eyes upwards.

“You just became the coolest person I know.”

Despite the compliment it was like a punch to the gut, and disorientated him somewhat. “Really?”

“Hell yeah! Was it just once or a regular thing?”

Roxas felt somewhat inflated and began speaking tentatively, “Pretty regular, before we came here.”

Axel just looked _more_ impressed if that was at all possible. “You're a complete veteran. Never would have picked you as the polyamorous type.”

The slight cheer Roxas had felt vanished. “Well that's kinda the problem.”

“Oh?”

“I'm not that type. I like Riku, not Sora. Not like that anyway. Sora's a great friend but -.” Roxas pouted at the floor.

“Sora's in your place, huh?”

“Yeah,” he said meekly. Roxas still hated himself for feeling that way.

“Rough. That's why I don't get involved.”

“Have you ever had a threesome?”

“Yeah. Only once though. Was pretty fucking hot.”

“Was it with Larxene and Demyx?”

“Oh no. Larx isn’t into blonde guys. Though I think that’s just an excuse. If the three of us ever had sex together -” Axel shuddered a little. “It would actually be weird.”

“Why?”

“Well Larx and Dem think about each other quite differently. And I don’t think they’d be good together. Dem’s a bit of a princess. He takes a while to get going and needs a lot of attention. Larxene though,” Axel chuckled. “Hard and fast. I don’t think they’d be compatible.”

“How come you don't feel anything for them?”

Axel shrugged. “ 'Cause I'm a complete dick, remember?”

“Yeah, but they're your best friends, right?”

Axel shrugged. “So?”

“So shouldn’t you care for them?”

“I do care - in my own way.”

It made Roxas sigh. “You're no help.”

“Hey, hey! Don't be like that. You haven't been very clear on what you actually want help with. You wanna win Riku over? Do I need to get a gang together to take care of Sora for you?” Axel grinned with mischief.

“No. Sora's my best friend.”

“Then what?”

Roxas groaned. “I don't know. I wish I didn't care so much. I wish things went back to how they were when we first all hung out and started fooling around.”

“That's what looking for people - and relationships - do to ya, Rox. That's why I stay right out of it.”

“How do you manage to stay out of it thought?” he pressed, almost with desperation.

Axel shrugged. “A general dislike of all people and not giving a shit about others?”

“How can you have friends if you don’t care for them?”

“I like being around people I get along with. That’s what friends are. But relationships… that’s like… I don’t even know what that feels like. Have you ever been in a relationship?”

“Not any super serious ones.”

“What makes a friendship different from a relationship then?” was the fairly sincere sounding question.

Roxas thought about that for a while. “Maybe it’s that… you want to be with the person you’re in a relationship with. You think about them a lot - want to please them - don’t want to see them upset. When they’re upset it upsets you a lot too. Stuff like that I guess.”

“Yeah, can’t say I’ve ever had that happen to me.”

“Even with Larxene and Demyx? They’ve been your friends for a long time.”

“Yeah, even with them. I don’t get why you can’t get your head around it. I just don’t feel that way about them.”

“You’re so strange.”

“I’d like to think _unique_ , yeah?” Axel grinned.

Roxas couldn’t find it in himself to reciprocate Axel’s good cheer. This stuff weighed too heavily on him. “What’s wrong with me then? Why am I so fucking hung up about the guy that it’s messing up my friendships?”

Axel leaned forward, smile dropping. “How long have you known him for?”

Roxas didn’t have to think very hard. “A year and a half or so.”

“Maybe that’s why then. I’ve known Demyx and Larxene forever. I know how gross they are, and all their secrets. That shit makes people super unappealing.”

“But that’s what brings people closer together - that understanding and being able to put up with each others shit. That’s what makes you like one another more. And maybe Riku would like me more if we had been friends for longer. ‘Cause he and Sora have been friends since they were little.”

Axel seemed a bit surprised. “Really? They’ve known each other for forever and can still stand each other?”

“Yeah. They love each other.”

“Well can’t say that’s ever been my experience. The less I know someone the hotter they are. Once I get more information it just becomes unexciting.”

“So you could only ever love someone if they remained an enigma to you?”

Axel shrugged. “Honestly couldn’t tell you that.”

Roxas frowned. It was a very unhelpful and unsatisfying conversation.

“All this stuff about relationships and love… wanting to spend all your time with that special someone - thinking about them - is that how you feel about Riku?”

It jolted Roxas a little. He had to really think about it. “I… don’t think I do. But I wanna be special to him. Is that love?”

Axel gave a noncommittal raise of his shoulder. “Maybe a selfish love?”

Roxas pouted. “Maybe that’s me then. Selfish and egotistical.”

“Just like me then, hey.” Axel’s smile was kind.

It made Roxas feel marginally better. “Yeah. I guess we can be selfish assholes together.”

“Awesome!”

Roxas tried for a lighthearted laugh, but it got stuck in his throat. He instead sighed and swiveled back to face his desk. 

“Cheer up, man. It’s not the end of the world.”

“I know it’s not. I just wish I could turn it off, though. But there's no switch. All I can do is avoid them and hope my feelings go away.”

“Sounds like a good plan. C’mon, let's browse for some references and you watch me finish adding smaller details to your model, so you can do it yourself next time.” Roxas received a pat on his back.

It made him smile. The conversation hadn’t helped much, but Roxas liked not being alone with his thoughts. He hummed in agreement to Axel's plan and made room so Axel could see his screen a little better.


	8. An Unexpected Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas is all that Axel can think about. And it appears that it isn’t all one-sided either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit content below.

Roxas liked guys.

Roxas _liked_ guys.

Roxas had _fucked_ guys.

That thought blasted through Axel’s head for several days. He became a creep and made sure he was out in the communal area whenever he heard the shower turn off, so he could catch a glimpse of Roxas hurrying back to his room. It was just to see if Axel found his half-nakedness attractive.

He did. He especially enjoyed seeing how flushed Roxas looked every time he came out of the steaming bathroom. It was hard to tell, but Axel thought he could see Roxas turning _more_ flushed whenever he saw Axel hanging about on the sofa, or by the kitchen sink.

Somewhere within that week Axel decided he’d like to have sex with Roxas. Just to see what it would be like. He hadn’t slept with anyone, other than his two oldest friends, since he came to University. He had been with enough random people when he was younger, but now just wanted to focus on his studies, and not have to worry about the hassle of finding casual hook-ups. So his friends were super useful in that regard.

He had tried to find casual sex partners at Uni when he had first arrived - but they all seemed to want to turn it into something more serious, which Axel had no interest in following through with. But at least he had Larxene and Demyx to fall back on.

Axel wondered if it was weird to want to have sex with Roxas. He knew the guy probably didn’t have the best opinion of him. He had been a pretty massive dick - and not just while they had been rooming together.

Even before then - there were vague memories of dickish behaviors. He remembered making Roxas cry a couple of times. That’s the only thing he remembered of before the time Roxas tutored him. Maybe Roxas never even remembered that stuff? It was a long time ago after all. Why would anyone hold onto shit like that? Well… Axel would. But surely Roxas was way more mature than that, right?

Sometimes he found himself sitting around and zoning out in his lectures; mind too preoccupied thinking about if he had done any other nasty things to Roxas during their secondary schooling. He didn’t want Roxas to have any reason to _not_ come to him for sex. Because that was surely what would happen eventually. It always had. Axel never had to go out and seek people. They’d either come to him, or kissing would just naturally start with a meaningful glance and a licking of lips.

So Axel waited. He made sure to come out of the shower, naked, during times Roxas was playing a video game and wouldn’t be able to walk away. Other things he did was to touch Roxas’ hands and shoulders as much as was subtly feasible when they sat together, watching stuff or working on making more character models.

Irritatingly enough Roxas ignored everything though. And then one day Axel had a different idea.

He and Larxene were naked on Axel’s bed. He had just rolled on a condom and was running his hands down her thighs. “Yo, Larx - instead of just making sound -”

She propped herself up on elbows and glared. “Excuse me? ‘Making sound?’ You get fucking hard as when I 'make sound’.”

“Well I ain't telling you to stop, just… use your words and be more descriptive about what I'm doing to you.”

Larxene scoffed. “How 'bout I moan about how I completely dominate you and make you my bitch?”

“C'mon Larxene, you owe me for all those years I pretended to be your boyfriend to get your folks off your back.”

“That was a terrible oversight on my behalf. They got all paranoid that you'd get me on drugs, and drag me down to your sleaze level.”

Axel laughed, “Wonder what your folks would say if they knew _you_ got me onto pot in the first place.”

She leaned up a little and poked him in the chest. “That's a secret you will take to your grave.”

“Only if you start moaning good things about me.” Axel sadly knew that this would bring up the probing question.

And sure enough it did.

“Why?”

“Don't ask questions, just do it, or I'm gonna write a tell-all tabloid piece, and address it to your mighty God-fearing folks.”

Larxene glared. “You won’t fucking _dare_ if you know what’s good for you.” 

“Oh, won’t I?” Axel smirked. He forgot to threaten her further though when a sound from outside caught his attention. Roxas was still shuffling around, washing dishes and doing stuff.

Larxene’s expression shifted as she watched Axel. A small gasp brought Axel’s eyes back onto Larxene.

“Oh my God! You _like_ him don't you!”

Now it was Axel's turn to glare. “Shut your mouth, I don't.”

“You totally do.” Her voice raised at an alarming level. “You got the hots for -”

Axel flung himself on top of her, locking his lips with her wide-open mouth, to get her to be quiet. It didn't work in keeping her quiet, as she shrieked, but she certainly changed subject once she freed herself, and shoved Axel off and back between her legs.

“Ewww! What gives dude. You know I can't stand you kissing me. Totally gross.”

“You deserve it.” Axel wiped his mouth, just like Larxene was doing. He never cared much for kissing her either, no matter how much sex they had.

They each gave the other a hard stare until more shuffling from outside seemed to remind Larxene of why they were even having this conversation in the first place. She grinned and Axel glared sharply.

“Don't you _dare_ , or I'm gonna kiss you again, but this time there'll be tongue.”

After a quick shudder of revulsion she giggled and quietly said, “You totally have the hots for Roxas, huh.”

“I don't. He’s irritating with all his interpersonal problems, and how gooey he gets about his parents is just -” Axel made a gagging sound.

Larxene raised an eyebrow. “Then why shush me? Why ask me to start singing your praise? Besides we're loud enough as is. Shouldn't that mean I'm enjoying myself?”

“You just sound like an angry buffalo in heat. I just want something coherent out of you.”

“Yeah, but _why_?” came the cheeky and knowing sing-song.

He didn’t want to tell her. “It'll be funny.”

“Weak response - even for you. You're hoping to entice him to come get some,” she winked.

“It's not like that. I could just use some variety in my life.”

“Complete bullshit,” Larxene giggled softly. “How ‘bout you prove yourself and give me something to moan about, and we'll see what happens.”

“You're giving me a limp dick,” Axel grumbled and sat back on his haunches.

“Well I don't need your dick all the time. You got a tongue and fingers. How about giving them a go? You could probably use the practice. Been a while since you tongue-fucked me.” She spread her legs a little wider.

Axel scrunched up his face. Eating her out wasn't Axel's favorite activity, that was for sure. He had no problem with blowjobs or even rimming - or for that matter eating out a guy - but Larxene’s vagina - well he just didn't like it too much for some reason.

He grabbed her arse and pulled her marginally closer.

“Oh, you actually gonna go for it?” she laughed lightly. “You must _really_ fancy the butternut, huh.”

“I don't,” Axel growled and pushed a finger into Larxene as far as he could manage. 

She exhaled in a pleased sigh. “More fingers please, and rub - ah yeah. Mm, that's nice.” Her eyes shut and her head tilted back. 

Axel enjoyed the moment of peace, but not for long. Larxene’s eyes returned to pierce into his own. “You _do_ like him. But what's the point of me being loud? Chances are he won't even hear. You said he's got soundproofing.”

Axel continued to finger Larxene, forcing his digits in as deep as they would go and running the thumb of his other hand over her clitoris, in slow but very firm circles. Larxene squirmed under his touch and pushed her hips against him to get more friction.

“But if Roxas does hear then he'll get a good mental image of the shit he's missing out on.” Axel liked to imagine that Roxas purposefully took his headphones off from time to time and enjoyed listening in. The guy had been in a threesome after all. Axel wondered how deep the kink went with him. Maybe he masturbated to the sound of Axel having sex. 

That thought sent a shiver down his spine. He licked his lips and felt himself getting hard thinking about Roxas being so perverted.

Larxene pushed against Axel again, drawing his attention back to her. “Come out of your fantasy-land and do me harder.”

Axel grumbled, returned to his activity, but also started pumping himself with the hand that wasn’t inside of her.

“You really think he's gonna want to hear how you fuck a chick though?”

“Transferable skills. I'll get Dem to do the same.” 

“Well all right then,” she mumbled.

Axel removed his fingers and pushed into Larxene with his now sufficiently hardened cock.

Larxene ended up having a lot of fun coming up with colorful and descriptive words and phrases to throw into the void. She also, more quietly, moaned Roxas’ name into Axel's ear until be had enough and flipped her around.

All in all it _wasn't_ the best sex Axel had ever had with her, and he felt regret about ever having made the request - especially when he turned up for lunch the next day - but he couldn't take it back and undo it. So he sat quietly and focused on his lunch while Larxene announced -

“Guess who Axel has a crush on?”

Had it been about anyone else, Axel would have found it comical how all his friends turned in unison to look across the large hall, to where Roxas typically sat with his friends.

Was he seriously this predictable and transparent? That appalled him. He couldn't see the funny side. He merely pulled out his tablet and began typing, declaring in a loud mutter that, “I'll be drafting that letter now.”

Demyx turned back to Axel, wide-eyed. “You seriously like Roxas?”

“No,” he snapped, but it went unheard. 

Demyx was already cooing about it. “That is so cute. Childhood sweethearts, finding their love for one another.”

Axel scoffed. “Serious? Were you at all awake during our school years? There was never any 'sweethearts’ of any kind. I didn't even remember the guy existed for most of that time.”

“Makes it all the more romantic now. You finally see what was right under your nose all this time,” Demyx gushed and then gasped loudly. “I should totally write a song about this!”

“Like fuck you do!” Axel snapped.

“Under your nose is right. The dudes a pipsqueak,” Seifer laughed.

Axel had to restrain himself to not jump to Roxas’ defense then and there and give away his ability to deny, deny, _deny_ any kind of amorous feelings towards his roommate.

But it was all right, Demyx came to the defense in Axel's stead, “He's not _that_ short. He’s nearly the same height as me. You should have seen him in high school though. That was completely different then.”

“So what’re you going to do about it?” Marluxia inquired, turning towards Axel.

“Nothing. I don't like him. Larxene’s got it all wrong.”

“Sure, that's why you have me around so much, because you adore my presents. Has nothing to do with making little shortbread over there jealous.”

“I've just been way horny. You know how much assessments stress me out.”

Larxene gave a derisive snort. “Now I'm a medical aid? Yeah right. Pull the other one, Ax.”

“Sex can be an effective way of flooding the brain with serotonin, counteracting the build-up of cortisol,” Zexion put out there, not really looking up from his textbook.

“See,” Axel declared.

“Whatever. Stress isn't what got you asking - nah - practically _begging_ me to advertise to your roomie how we fuck.”

“I thought he wore headphones,” Marluxia said, sounding confused.

Larxene, never missing the opportunity to come across as a know-it-all, said, “He does, but Axel likes to imagine that he takes them off to get off on listening to Axel getting it off,” she winked.

The table began laughing. Axel grumbled.

“Oh my dear, you might just be growing into a human being with real feelings,” Marluxia chuckled.

Axel growled and returned to writing his list.

“Hey, Zex, what's he furiously typing out?” Larxene inquired of the man sitting next to Axel.

Axel tried to shield his screen, to no avail.

“It appears to be a list with our names and how he will kill us.”

“Oh yeah? What's next to mine?” Seifer questioned eagerly.

“I'll tell you,” Axel roared, packing his tablet away. “You, I will roast. Marly gets to drown, Larx gets her fucking _tongue_ cut out and then I shove it down her throat so she can choke on it. Dem gets impaled with his sitar, and I'll scoop Zex’s eyes out, but keep him alive because him not being able to read is worse than death.”

The table laughed again.

“Looks like this Roxas thing is real. You haven't made death threats since the time we made fun of whatever that show was that you used to love so much,” Larxene said.

“You can kiss your sex privileges goodbye for the next month, Larxene,” Axel fumed.

“Oh yeah? What you gonna do about your medical condition?” she teased.

“Demyx has missed me lots. Haven't you, buddy.”

“Not re-” A glare from Axel changed Demyx’s tune, “Aah - yeah. Troy didn't last as long as I needed him to. Could use some satisfying sex.”

“See. I'll take good care of you, Dem. Come over tonight.”

“Sure.”

* * *

 

Axel found Demyx waiting outside of the library as he finished his shift. They walked back to Axel's place, regretfully chatting about Roxas.

“I think it’s cool that you like him.”

“I don’t.”

“You guys got a bunch of stuff in common. The fact that he’s still hanging around despite you being an ass must mean something.”

That notion did lighten Axel’s mood. “I don’t like him. Would just be convenient to be able to fuck my roommate, instead of getting you and Larx coming around all the time.”

Demyx chortled with some sort of delight. “Being in love’s making you into a real softy.”

He stopped dead in his tracks. “Oh my God. How many times do I have to tell you? _Not_ in love. Don’t like him. I just want him to know what an incredible lay I am.” 

“Yeah, whatever,” Demyx laughed, and began humming a tune as he continued on to Axel’s place.

When they arrived, Axel gave his usual greeting of, “I'm back, Roxas,” as he unlocked the door. There was no sight of him but his door was open.

As Axel got closer Roxas rolled into view through his doorway, wearing a big grin. “Hey Axel.”

Axel could swear that Roxas’ face fell every time he brought his friends over. It was probably just because they were going to annoy Roxas. Though Axel sometimes hoped Roxas seemed down because his friends meant that they wouldn't be hanging out together until later that evening - if at all - depending on how long the sex lasted for.

“Hey Demyx,” Roxas gave him a warm enough smile.

“Hi man,” was the chipper response.

Roxas gave his usual departing remark of, “Have fun, and keep it down,” and pushed his door shut.

And that was it. Axel was alone again to live his life like he had done for so long. 

The two men entered his room.

“So I'm gonna ask you to do what I asked Larxene to do.”

“Make you sound good. Got it.” Demyx flung his shoes off and started undressing.

Axel did the same. He and his two friends never undressed each other. Never had and never would. The unspoken rule seemed to be that this activity would feel way too intimate, and intimate is not what they were.

When both were naked Axel straddled Demyx's waist. Hands wrapped around Axel’s neck, pulling him down into a kiss. 

Axel couldn't stand kissing Larxene and vice versa, but Demyx he enjoyed. Plus it was part of the foreplay his friend needed. They could kiss for a whole hour, just building the tension.

Axel spent some time stroking, squeezing, and probing Demyx in all the spots he knew his friend liked best. 

Demyx was worlds apart from Larxene. He was far more passive, enjoying having things done to him, and Axel liked to experiment with toys and other equipment on Demyx. They usually got each other whatever newest sexual contraption was available for each other's birthdays.

With time Demyx became increasingly worked up. His breathing became more labored. He squirmed more. Axel stopped trailing his tongue down Demyx's back. “C’mon man. You've got a job to do,” he prompted yet again. Demyx was way too quiet most of the time.

“Sorry, sorry.” Demyx began making more noise and singing Axel's praise, particularly when Axel started rimming him and inserting fingers.

Eventually they got to the part which heralded that their night would be over soon. 

“Front or back, Dem?” Axel breathed against Demyx's neck.

“I'm good like this.” Demyx mumbled into his arm. He was kneeling, with hands splayed on the wall in front of himself.

“Okay.” Axel carefully pulled out the anal beads to the sound of delighted groans. He checked himself to make sure his condom was still good to go and then pushed - very slowly - into Demyx. He loved the pressure and squeeze in his head whenever he pushed inside for the first time. 

When his mind was back on track he reminded Demyx to, “Don't forget,” because he knew that his friend would.

“Yeah, yeah,” Demyx panted. Pleasure dripped out of his throat and he muttered with increasing volume how good Axel felt - how big he was - how fucking incredible it was every time Axel hit his prostate.

It felt a bit ridiculous to Axel, asking his friends to pander to him like this. He just hoped Roxas was listening, and that thought got him harder, and made him thrust deeper.

He had missed anal with a guy, and was glad to have Demyx back. He stared at blonde hair. It was too long in the back, but at least the color was right - and the height very close to near enough.

Yeah, Roxas had been on Axel's mind a lot for some reason. Demyx was an adequate proxy, and screwing him from behind helped Axel to imagine his roommate instead.

Did Roxas feel this tight? Would he be tighter? Would his arms tremble? Was his cock long? Or thick? Or adorably pocket-sized? 

Axel wrapped his arms around the body he was pumping into. He dug his teeth into soft flesh at the nape of Demyx’s neck, sucking gently. Would Roxas enjoy the same spots? Would he like it hard and rough, or soft and gentle?

He rubbed pert nipples. Demyx moaned louder, and even louder and Axel wrapped his other hand around the man’s shaft and began pumping.

Axel was already moaning loudly as he lost himself in the sensation of tight muscles around his penis. God he wanted to fuck Roxas so badly. Make Roxas come. Make Roxas mutter Axel’s name over and over again.

Axel’s thrusts became more shallow, Demyx’s moans tapered out into a long whine as he came. Muscles clenched around Axel. He pumped deeper and lost himself in the thought of - “ _Roxas!_ ”

* * *

 

Roxas was in his bed - headphones off - staring at his ceiling as the noises filtered to his ears. The thought of Axel having sex with a guy right now was keeping him up for all the wrong reasons.

The cries of ‘ _harder’_ and _‘deeper’_ and _‘oh God, you’re massive,’_ \- as ridiculous as it was - painted a picture in Roxas’ head that he didn’t want to stop visualizing. He hadn’t had sex with anyone since he moved in here. At first the knowledge that everyone else was getting action irritated him. Then he began thinking about _who_ was getting action with _whom_. 

Axel’s mouth on someone's cock was still such a potent image for Roxas. In his dreams - in the shower. Why was Axel so hot? Why was Roxas fingering himself with one hand, and pumping himself with the other? He didn’t know. He wanted sex. He wanted it with Axel and Riku. The thought of sucking one off while the other did him from behind was too powerful tonight. 

He would die of embarrassment if anyone ever found out about what he was doing right now. No, wait - forget everyone else. Roxas was embarrassed and ashamed for himself right now as he gave in to the ludicrously pornographic noises coming from next door.

He focused on his pleasure and the noises from next door. The image of Riku faded from his fantasy. He listened to Axel’s moans and imagined them right next to his ear. He imagined Axel making those sounds because he was fucking Roxas and no one else. He wanted no one else but Roxas.

Roxas abandoned his prostate and focused on pumping his shaft. As the noise next door rose, so did Roxas’ grip and pace. He felt the tension building - his penis pumped. That delightful fizzing sensation was about to wash all over him.

His toes curled. He panted heavily and threw blanket off and lifted his shirt. He quickly grabbed a spare pillow and threw it over his head as he came, drowning his groan and muffles of Axel’s name. Heat spilled all over his abdomen, leaving Roxas whimpering and shuddering.

The sensation of his orgasm lingered but he also suddenly froze.

Had he just heard his name?

* * *

 

Axel was coaxed out to a party one evening. Well perhaps not so much _coaxed_ as voluntarily agreed. Having Roxas on his brain so much wasn’t good. Especially when it meant having to bribe Demyx to keep his mouth shut about what he had heard Axel say that night a few weeks ago. That was possibly the most irritating part of the whole thing. 

He wanted - and needed - to put some distance between himself and the rampant sexual fantasies he was having of himself and Roxas, so he was kind of looking forward to hooking up with someone - preferably not blonde. Axel figured that this could possibly fix his issue, so he told Roxas he wouldn’t be back that night.

The party was off campus. Some big old house of some student whose parents were presumably out of town. Back in high school Axel had lived for moments like these. But not so much anymore - and yet he was going to make this situation work for him. He had his night planned out; find someone hot, invite them to a motel and then fuck like crazy. 

Axel had been fucking Demyx exclusively for the last two weeks but Roxas still hadn’t proposed anything. ‘Frustrated’ didn't even do Axel’s emotional state justice. He found himself feeling angry more often than not. But Roxas wasn’t someone he wished to be angry with. That feeling was largely reserved for his parents. And yet he did find himself getting irritated and snappy. It was getting to him so much that he wanted to give up, and a part of him thought that going to this party tonight might help him to get over his roommate.

When he finally arrived at the large house he found his friends, who had set up camp on plush looking lounges. Judging by the tower of empty cups and bottles haphazardly arranged on the coffee table before them, Axel could easily deduce how much drinking had already been going on. He gave them a quick greeting and then declared that he was going to go find someone to hook up with, and that would be the last they would see of him tonight.

After an hour of mingling and a fair few propositions from other people, Axel came slinking back.

“Woah, is it tomorrow already?” Seifer said, being a complete smartass. 

Axel slumped down next to Marluxia and mumbled, “No one’s taking my fancy.” All the hot people had been blonde. Axel didn’t want to consider the fact that maybe he had a _type_. But then he had thought of Demyx, Larxene _and_ Roxas and had felt completely drained. 

He wasn’t feeling too crash hot either. Slowly over the day he had become increasingly fatigued. But he had looked forward to letting loose this Friday evening, so hadn’t been able to contemplate letting a potential sore throat and sickness get the better of him. But he could feel himself fading somewhat, and thought that maybe he should have just stayed home.

“You still moping around 'cause of your roommate?” Marluxia nudged Axel.

Everyone groaned, and complaints along the lines of _“Did you have to bring that topic up?” - “We’ll never hear the end of it now,”_ were uttered.

“No. I’m just not feeling too well. And anyway, he's clearly not interested in me, so I’m over it,” Axel dismissed and sunk down deeper into the plush fabric.

“What makes you think that?”

“Marluxia, shut your trap!” Larxene cursed with an added sharp glare. Leaning forward she patted Axel's knee. “Don’t listen to him. You’re right. Roxas _clearly_ has no interest in you and you should move on.” 

Axel ignored her. If it irritated her this much, Axel would gladly keep talking about it. “He hasn't asked me to fuck him yet.”

His friends laughed.

“What? I get hit on all the time. You want me to believe the one guy I want to be asked by wouldn't have done so already if he was interested?”

“Maybe you want him too much,” Demyx got out through a mouthful of potato chips.

“Huh?”

“Desperation is a huge turn-off and can be seen from miles away,” Zexion educated.

“I’m not desperate.”

Larxene scoffed. “Oh please.”

“Look, all I’m saying is that if he was into me, he'd have said something by now.”

“Maybe he's too much into that silver-haired guy he always hangs out with,” Demyx postulated.

 _Riku_. The thought of that guy left a sour taste in Axel’s mouth. Maybe Demyx was right. What could he do about that though?

“Mmm, I'd believe that. _I'm_ too much into him,” Larxene practically swooned. “I get the seat near the window during my afternoon tut just so I can look out and watch him train.”

“What? I thought you did that to perve on me,” Seifer joked.

“If I wanted to throw up I'd get Axel to kiss me.”

“I know you're secretly dying for my mouth back on you, Larx.”

She made gagging noises.

“You don’t suppose he’s just shy? Maybe you should tell him you want to have sex with him, instead of waiting for him to make the move,” Demyx interrupted.

Axel rolled that concept over in his head. Roxas did seem a bit prudish when it came to certain things. He got awkward and blushed, and fuck if that wasn’t the cutest thing ever. 

Yeah, Axel was clearly getting ill if he was having thoughts like that. But the image lingered. He wanted to see Roxas’ face all flushed with embarrassment and sex. An internal groan ran through his head. He so wasn’t over this Roxas situation.

“Yeah, but if I tell him I want to fuck him he might feel awkward and leave. I heard more dorms will be opening up soon. Bunch of hacks leaving ‘cause they can’t take the pressure.”

“Old Luxord’s at it again, huh? Scaring the shit out of the first years,” Seifer asked of the one person who would know.

“He simply makes it abundantly clear what the requirements will be for the future studies,” Zexion said, coolly. “The weak leave.”

“If his students keep dropping like flies he won’t have a course to teach much longer,” Seifer countered.

“The University body can see the merit in his teachings. And even if the course ends I will be able to see it through and gain my qualifications,” Zexion shrugged.

“Cold as ice,” Axel mumbled.

“Nothing unusual there then. Here, have a drink, Ax.” Demyx passed a cup.

He took a sip but put it back down. It only seemed to exacerbate his scratchy throat. “So what am I s’posed to do?”

“Maybe he needs some mood setting. You should grab some of Marly’s porn and leave it lying all over the dorm,” Seifer stated.

“My stash is not for lending.”

“Relax, I don't want to touch anything you creamed on anyway.” Axel buried his head in his hands, thinking carefully about what his friends were proposing. “It wouldn’t work anyway. He barred me from watching porn on the TV, almost on his first day of rooming with me.”

“And you actually stuck to his rule? God, Ax. You _must_ be in love,” Larxene let out a piercing, shrill laugh.

“I was being polite to my new guest,” he glared.

That got the rest of them laughing too.

He knew he sounded ridiculous, but ignored them. “I don’t get why he hasn’t come after me. I’m hot. Guys and chicks used to ask me all the time before I got responsible and boring and started doing Uni work. Maybe that’s what’s wrong. Maybe I should go party more, and drag Roxas along so he sees what he’s missing out on.”

“It would possibly be more prudent of you to try a different approach.”

“What’s that s’pposed to mean, Zex?”

“Simply put, if you keep doing what you have always done you will always get the same outcome.”

“And what outcome is that? Getting laid? Sounds pretty good to me.” Axel stretched our, arms behind his head, looking up at the ceiling.

“I think he means more that if you wanna be single forever, keep doing what you're doing. If you want to have a relationship with Roxas you probably gotta try something different,” Marluxia threw out much too casually.

Zexion nodded.

Axel sat up. “Woah, _Relationship?_ Where’s this coming from? I don’t want that. I just want to fuck him.” 

“God, Axel. You’re such a dumbass.” Larxene brought her plastic cup down quite hard on the coffee table. “If you _really_ wanted that you’d already have propositioned him. You wouldn’t even have cared if he had said no and left. But you’re not asking him ‘cause you don’t want him to leave, ‘cause you like him. Why’re you such a thick shit brick?” Her fist clenched around her cup, scrunching it up. She then threw it at Axel’s head.

Axel didn't dodge it too well. “I’m going home. I’ve had enough of this conversation. Plus… ,” he coughed. “I think I’m actually getting sick.”

“Look at Ax, being a big pussy and running away when Larx hits the nail on the head,” Seifer jeered and high-fived her.

She looked rather smug, and winked at Axel as he gathered his phone. “Can’t hide this shit from your childhood friends. We know you too well.”

“You’re still disowned for the next few weeks.”

“Whatever. Plenty more dicks out in the sea. Yours is nothing special, no matter how much you want us to talk you up to your _beloved Roxas_.”

Axel left the party with nothing but a glower.

* * *

 

Neither the day, nor the evening had panned out like Axel had envisioned. Usually he would have said ‘yeah, let's go’ to at least two of the invitations he had gotten when he first got to the party. But he blamed his sickness. He wasn’t in the mood for anything. Not hanging out with friends, not drinking, not fucking.

But in Axel’s heart he hoped that Roxas would still be up, sitting in front of the TV, where they’d wedge out and watch some classic sci-fi, while huddled under a blanket, as nights were slowly getting colder. It wasn't just the approach of winter that made it cold. The heating in their dorm was acting up a little - or that was what he chose to tell Roxas.

Axel had purposefully sabotaged it… just a little, some weeks ago to see what would happen. The answer had been 'huddle together under blankets’, which had been insanely nice, and was something Axel thought he could use right about now.

As he entered his dorm he found that once again he had no luck. Everything was dark and quiet. He shut the front door as quietly as he had opened it, and went to his room. He stopped short of opening his door however, as he heard a sound emanating from Roxas’ room.

He wondered for a brief moment if Roxas was also coming down with something. But then the sound became louder. That was definitely a moan of pleasure, accompanied by the familiar sound of buzzing.

Axel threw a hand over his mouth to stop himself from being heard, as he gasped and then chuckled. So Roxas _did_ get himself off. Axel had been wondering about that… way too much actually. He couldn’t pull himself away from Roxas’ door. He in fact moved closer and carefully pressed his ear to the wood.

He could hear muffled gasps and whimpers, while the low buzz of a vibrator created the background ambiance. Roxas’ voice grew stronger as the vibration increased. Axel imagined Roxas upping the tempo, working himself into a frenzy.

He moved back from Roxas’ door, and pressed his back against the bit of wall which separated their two doorways. Breathing deep, Axel ran his hand down his abdomen. This was probably as good as it was ever going to get for him, so he had to make the most of it.

Arousal was already starting to build. He unbuckled his belt and button to make a little more room for his hand. Axel stroked himself from base to head, breathing as quietly as he could. He shut his eyes and focused on Roxas’ moans. He tried to imagine what Roxas was doing to himself. Was he touching his penis? Was he moving the toy in and out of himself? Was he grinding? Was he… thinking of _Riku?_

“ _Axel,_ ” came the moan which stopped Axel in his tracks, and nearly made him choke on his own spit.

He swallowed down the cough. If he made a sound now everything would be over. Had he just -

“H-harder _, Axel - please._ ”

 _Oh. My. Fucking. God_! Axel’s movements completely stilled. Pre-come was leaking all over his hand. He was so turned on right now. The instant instinct was to kick down the door, point and laugh - and then jump Roxas’ bones and do as he was being asked to do.

Roxas _liked_ him? At the very least he fantasized about _him_. Axel wanted to cheer, but considered what would happen if he _did_ barge in there. He was certain that Roxas would clamp up - die of embarrassment - move out and never speak to him again.

Knowing what he knew now, he couldn't let that happen. This was enough ammunition for Axel to definitely propose they start having sex together. He’d have to wait for the perfect opportunity though.

Roxas’ voice continued to grow as he seemed to get deeper into his fantasy. It spurred Axel on to start stroking himself again. Roxas continued to moan Axel’s name over and over again. The buzzing became even louder. Axel licked his lips, wondering which high powered device Roxas was using.

Axel decided that he needed to move though. He would be much more comfortable in his own bed, and Roxas was vocal enough that he should be able to hear it well enough from his bed. Whilst still stroking himself he made for his door and opened it - all too late remembering that it squeaked in an annoying way if it was opened too far. He froze as all the sounds from Roxas’ room completely died.

It felt like minutes ticked away into an eternity. Axel was statuesque, attached to the door handle. He was too afraid to move. He cursed himself for fucking things up so badly.

A timid voice called out, _“Axel, you home?”_

Of course he didn’t dare to answer.

Another eternity passed before quieter moans filtered out of Roxas’ room once more, and the gentler buzzing also returned. Axel breathed a sigh of relief and cautiously let go of the door handle. He really needed to get some lubricant on that hinge.

Axel didn’t dare close it. He slipped through and into his room, settling on his bed and breathing a sigh of relief. He listened carefully to the sound of Roxas’ confidence growing. His moans and groans grew in strength once more, as did the buzzing from next door.

Axel got up and slid his jeans off. While he was stooped over he noticed the bottom drawer of his nightstand slightly ajar. A thought popped into his head and he pulled the drawer open. Sure enough one of his favorite toys was missing. 

The little fucking thief.

Axel grinned. He didn’t know how it was possible, but every time he didn’t think Roxas could get any hotter, he did.

No wonder that buzzing Axel was hearing seemed quite familiar. He chuckled, pushed his drawer closed and lay back down on his bed. He worked his boxer briefs down his thighs and gripped his shaft again.

Listening to Roxas’ enjoyment grew Axel’s own. He wanted to be there - on top of him - behind him - just watching him. Axel had so many questions in his head about what Roxas looked like and how he moved. He wanted to experience it. He’d make it happen somehow - tomorrow. Definitely tomorrow.

Roxas kept talking - instructing an imaginary Axel on what he liked and wanted. He begged for more - for it to be harder - faster - to not stop. Axel had to smother his face in a pillow because he wanted to respond so badly. He muffled into the pillow instead.

The satisfaction of hearing Roxas climax was tantamount to the satisfaction Axel got from his own orgasm. He felt so spent and exhausted afterwards. He was too tired to get up and try to close the door. If Roxas came out to clean up or return the toy, he’d be caught red handed - with the evident of his pleasure pooling on his stomach.

But Axel couldn’t bring himself to care. He’d just tell Roxas how fucking hot he was, and that he’d like to fuck him in person next time. Surely Roxas wouldn’t mind. Not after what Axel had been witness to, tonight.

All in all - the evening - and Axel’s life in general - seemed to have improved in leaps and bounds.


	9. A Pact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Axel and Roxas find a way to make it work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sort of - maybe - kinda - explicit content below?

Roxas woke to the sound of his alarm, as it began its morning shrieking. He silenced it before it became intolerably loud. He felt remarkably good. Last night had definitely been what he had needed. Focusing on someone other than Riku had resulted in a much better climax, the release of which still lingered in his soul, making him feel lighter.

Roxas thought that maybe he should consider hooking up with other guys more regularly as an option. As much as he didn't like random, casual hookups, if it helped him in some way he should at least consider it. He felt iy was a valid enough point. Roxas decided he'd mull it over during the more boring parts of his shift today. He got up, laid out his chosen outfit for the day, stuffed his work uniform in his bag, and got undressed to have a shower.

His eyes fell on the vibrating butt plug he had used last night. Remembering it made him shiver and began to stir feelings of arousal in his gut. He needed to return that to Axel's bottom drawer before he left, or he might be in trouble.

Having Axel out of the dorm yesterday had been an amazing blessing. Yes, he had snooped around in his roommate's things. Roxas wasn’t proud of it, but he had wanted some stimulation, and had been 100% certain that Axel had a stash of toys.

The bottom drawer had been a treasure trove. All kinds of plugs, big and small. As well as nipple clamps, handcuffs, whips and some other things Roxas hadn't known what they were used for. He had gone with something in the midrange. Something that was definitely bigger than Riku - as he didn't want to be reminded of the guy - but also not so big that it would be uncomfortable for his poor, neglected backside. 

Roxas had also grabbed a couple of Axel's condoms, as the sizing seemed to be bigger than his own supplies, and thus would probably fit much better on the plug he was planning to borrow. It had made him wonder about Axel’s penis. He had heard things from across the divide. Maybe it had been more than just showboating and Axel actually _was_ well enough endowed. The truth hadn’t mattered though. Roxas had incorporated the thought, regardless of factual accuracy, into his fantasy last night, and it had paid off deliciously.

Roxas shook the reminders of last night out of his head. He decided he should definitely get himself some toys, because he resented the thought of returning this one to its proper owner.

He wrapped a towel around himself out of habit, and walked out of his room, toward the bathroom. Perhaps if he hurried he could get a good wank in before work.

His eyes pulled off the floor and towards the kitchen as he heard a clinking of dishes. He froze in place. Axel was sitting there, sipping on what was probably a big cup of tea, judging by the pot on the table.

“Morning, Roxas,” came the rather hoarse greeting from the lip of the cup.

Roxas’ mind went into overdrive. He could have _sworn_ he had heard something last night, but then had also been so sure he had just been paranoid. “When did you get back?”

“Last night. Wasn't feeling too good.”

Roxas’ heart began beating faster. He had to play this cool. He couldn't give anything away. Maybe it wasn't so bad, like he feared. It hadn't been that late when he had started, nor finished. Maybe Axel had come in when he had been fast asleep. ‘W-when?” He _hated_ that he couldn't get his voice more steady.

Axel put his cup down and a wide grin began to stretch across his face. That was enough to give Roxas a sickening sinking feeling. 

“Right around the time you started calling out my name,” he winked and clicked his tongue.

 _Fuck,_ Roxas thought. His fingers and toes turned to ice, but his neck and face burned like a furnace.

“Sounds like you enjoyed yourself though. With one of my toys too, right? I'd appreciate you asking to use my things in the future, but I'll let it slide this time.” He grinned more, and for a moment didn't look sick at all - until he started on a chesty cough.

This was quite possibly one of Roxas’ worst nightmares. If he had fantasized about _anyone_ else it wouldn't be so bad right now. He'd laugh and brush it off. But no, it had been Axel he had screamed and begged for. And the man had heard… _everything_. Roxas couldn't imagine what Axel would do with this incriminating knowledge - how he'd choose to torture Roxas with it. Because - despite them being on quite chummy terms - this bit of intimacy felt like too much power for Axel to wield and misuse. “Fuck,” Roxas swore aloud. “What do you want, Axel?”

“What you mean, ‘what do I want?’ I don't want anything.”

“You gotta want something, or else you could just pretend that you heard nothing and came back at a later time,” he grit his teeth. “You know, like a decent human being.” This felt like high school all over again - but much, _much_ worse. Axel could be such a frustratingly grating cocky bastard. Roxas had no doubt in his mind that Axel would use this as leverage against him - somehow - some day.

“I guess I could have said that instead. But I’m far from a decent human being. Although - I am nothing if not honest. So maybe that redeems me a little bit?” Axel seemed to try at a cheeky grin, but being sick and tired made it lose its intended effect. 

“It doesn’t. And if honesty is so important to you then be fucking honest. What do you _want_ from me?” He held on firmly to his towel. This felt ten times worse while he wasn’t wearing anything. Roxas was so exposed. He wished he could evaporate.

“Rox, I don't get why you're being so hostile. Listening to you last night was so fucking hot.”

That comment sent a shiver and pulse through Roxas, minutely suppressing the embarrassed outrage. Was he actually sincere about that? Roxas knew they got on well enough, and had some fun too, but… for Axel to not be completely grossed out by Roxas seemed kind of out of character for him. The jerk had never remembered him, never shown an iota of interest or care up until Roxas had moved in. It grated at him. No way Axel was being sincere. He was just teasing and would end up being cruel.

“You're so full of bullshit,” he growled.

“No, really. I mean it. I didn't know you wanted me so badly. But now that I do - well I want you to ask me to fuck you.”

That brought the outrage back. “So that's it.”

“Ah - yeah.”

“Fuck you!” Roxas stormed back towards the safety of his room. He couldn't look at Axel anymore. Forget the shower. It was time to run away to work.

“Roxas, dude. What's wrong?” Chair squeaked on linoleum floor and footsteps followed Roxas. 

He shut the door behind himself and locked it, leaning briefly against it, with head cradled in the crook of his elbow.

The door handle jiggled a little. _“Rox, what's wrong?”_

 _Everything_. “Nothing. I've got work in an hour.”

_“C’mon, talk to me.”_

“I'm busy.” Roxas dropped the towel and began getting dressed. The stupid fuck just wanted to use Roxas. Have him be some ego booster. Roxas probably wasn't even a person to Axel. Just some sad, pathetic charity case.

Axel could feel good about himself, helping out a nobody. Axel could feel good about himself, knowing someone wanted him. But Axel held all the power. He could and _would_ reject Roxas if he was ever dumb enough to fall for that stupid trick and actually ask Axel for sex. Because Axel had _always_ rejected him and laughed at him.

He got dressed in fuming silence, working himself into a mental frenzy about how rotten, egotistical, and crumby Axel was.

 _“You really that embarrassed about this?”_ came the eventual question through the door.

“Of course. Wouldn't you be? Oh wait - no. Because you have no fucking shame. Nothing ever bothers you. And I'm just here for you to laugh at.” Roxas bit his lip and swallowed down the sob bubbling up. He couldn't walk out of the room crying. Axel would have a field day.

_“C’mon, when have I ever -”_

That made Roxas unlock and rip open his door in boiling outrage. “All the fucking time!” he snarled into that snotty face. “Every time I reached out to you, you either didn't know me, or you ignored me, or you fucking laughed at me.” 

“Dude, yeah I know I used to be a dick in the past, but I've changed. I'm not gonna laugh at you for this. I mean it. It was fucking hot. You can fuck me if you want. I'll do that for you.”

“For me? You'll sacrifice yourself _for_ me? You're a fucking piece of shit and a complete joke. As if you'd ever do anything for me that wasn't indirectly self-serving.” Roxas dug his finger into Axel's chest, hammering the point home. 

But he wasn’t finished yet. There were years of outrage that needed to be set free. “You're fucking self-centered as fuck. You're doing this for yourself. You want to fuck me for your own personal joke and victory. _‘Guess who I had sex with? Yeah the pathetic loser crybaby, who adored me all through elementary school. What a fucking loser that guy is - and he was really shit in bed too and he knows it and I made him cry - ha ha.’_ ,” Roxas let fly in a torrential flood of anger.

“You adored me?”

Roxas felt infuriated. _Of-fucking-course_ that part would be what the shithead latched on to. “Fuck you,” he snapped, pulling the door firmly shut behind himself and pushing past the man. Roxas had enough.

“What? No, wait Roxas.” Axel grabbed onto Roxas’ sleeve. “I'm sorry. I'm sick. My head's shit. I wouldn't do that stuff to you. Is that really what you think I’d do?”

Roxas gave a sharp glare and yanked free of Axel's rather feeble hold. “Yes. I know you would. So go away and do whatever you have to, to humiliate me further. You probably recorded me last night. Go play it over the student radio for all I care. I'm not going to be giving you any more than that. I'm not gonna beg you to fuck me. You've already fucked me over so many times.”

It was too late. The tears had come after all and Roxas’ nightmares would come true. Axel would laugh at him yet again. Call him a crybaby. Think of him as nothing and worthless. He turned around and stormed out of the dorm, heading to work before he could be shamed any further.

* * *

 

The work hours passed by way too fast. Roxas didn’t want to go home. His mind was on whether or not he should just move back with Sora and Riku. Things had felt marginally better between himself and them, ever since he had given himself more space and spent more time… well, with Axel. 

That was fucking irritating. It felt like he was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Instead of going home, or hanging out at Sora and Riku’s place, he stayed in the city for as long as possible. He didn’t want to think or talk about this, so he arranged a meetup with another friend. They hung out at a cafe until said friend had to leave, and then Roxas went to the city library to while away some hours getting work done. But it was tedious, boring and his mind kept returning to what a colossal fool he had been.

Roxas was so ashamed. Even thinking about it made him bury his head in his hands, and feel the searing pain of embarrassment.

The last few months with Axel had felt good. They had seemed on equal footing. Roxas could have earned some respect. But now… now everything was fucked up and skewed again. He had let his guard down around Axel. Let himself become too comfortable. Let himself _fancy_ Axel. Had believed his shit too readily. 

Like how he had banked on Axel not coming back until the morning, like he said he would. But no, the guy had to keep messing things up for Roxas. Axel probably wasn’t even sick. That’s the kind of guy he was.

But eventually Roxas had to go home.

If Axel just said _one word_ about it - if he even so much as looked at Roxas in a way that would stoke the humiliation, Roxas promised himself he would leave. He’d go stay in his old room and just wear his new headphones the entire time he was there. He’d get over Riku - after all the guy wasn’t _that_ great. Who needed a funny, caring, compassionate man in their lives? Not Roxas. He’d get by, focus on his studies, and learn to be satisfied with knowing he was embarking on a life journey of helping shape young minds. That would have to be enough.

So he dragged himself back to the university and his dorm room that late evening. He knew Axel sadly wouldn't have work. He tried to open the door as quietly as possible, not wanting to see Axel at all. 

What greeted him was darkness. He slunk through the hall and living space. Nearly reaching his room, he was however stopped by a sleepy and croaky squeak of, “That you, Roxas?”

Distaste and irritation weld up inside. “Yeah.” Through the gloom he could make out a shape stirring on the sofa.

“You hungry? I made dinner.” Axel sat up and turned on the little lamp, which lived on the stand next to the sofa.

He sounded about ten times worse than this morning. Roxas noted the pasty-pale skin and brilliant red nose Axel was sporting. A pile of tissues littered the floor, surrounding a full bin. The coffee table was also littered with lozenge wrappers, and several mugs with varying degrees of liquids inside of them.

So the sickness wasn’t a fake-out after all. Roxas hoped there was some cosmic karma at play here. But that knowledge also made some of his burning indignation melt. He couldn't be a super massive prick to the dick when he was looking so pathetic. But he would resume the sentiment once Axel was back to his regular asshole self.

“You cooked something?” That idea was genuinely astonishing to him and made Roxas soften up even further. “And it’s edible?”

Axel’s laugh turned into a cough and sniffle, “Well I can’t taste shit right now to be honest with you. But I think it should be edible?”

“What you make?”

“Your favorite.”

“How would you know what that is?” he crossed his arms in disbelief. Axel never paid attention to anything.

Axel groaned as he got up, wrapping the blanket he had been hiding underneath firmly around himself. “If you gotta know, I spent the morning hunting down your friends and they told me.”

 _As if_ , was Roxas’ internal response. “Yeah, what is it then?” he quizzed, eager to see what bullshit guesses Axel had come up with.

“Fish curry, right? They didn’t trick me and tell me the wrong thing, did they?”

Roxas couldn’t help but feel surprised that Axel actually went to some sort of effort. He shook his head, “No, that’s right.”

“Oh good.” Axel grumbled and moaned as he wandered over to the stove where a pot was simmering away. He scooped some broth into a bowl, walked it over to the table and pulled out the chair.

Roxas went over and sat down. He looked at the curry and then up at Axel. “Should I be eating this?”

“Mm… ,” Axel looked at it and shrugged. “I can't taste anything, so I don't know.”

“You already said that.”

“Did I? Sorry.” Axel tapped his skull, “Head’s fuzzy.”

Roxas ran his spoon through the thin liquid. “You really made this?”

“Yeah.” Axel suddenly turned away and sneezed. “I swear it's not contaminated.”

Roxas leaned in to inspect the broth. “Yeah, actually I _can_ believe that you made this. It doesn't look _or_ smell right.”

More coughing ensued, as Axel tried to laugh. “You don’t have to eat it.”

“And you didn’t have to make this.”

“I wanted to apologize.”

That certainly was a surprise. A surprise Roxas felt suspicious over. Either way, he didn’t want to forgive just yet. “I don’t think I’ll eat it.”

“That’s all right,” Axel croaked. “It’s probably gonna make you sick.”

“Or kill me.”

“Not my intention, I swear.” Axel coughed more, and thumped his chest. He smiled weakly and looked exhausted. 

Roxas wished he could be cold, but it wasn't in his nature. Axel looked miserable, and it hurt a little to see. “Have you eaten?”

Axel shook his head.

Roxas stared at his bowl, feeling rather hungry. He hadn't eaten anything since mid-afternoon at the cafe. “Pizza?”

“Sounds good,” Axel gave a sleepy grin.

* * *

 

While they waited for the pizza to arrive they sat in silence, watching the television. Axel sniffled and blew his nose and sipped on tea, while Roxas wondered if he'd get sick too. He also had to marvel at the fact that Axel seemed to have gone to some kind of an effort for him, but he didn't dwell on that too much. He still wanted to be angry with the bastard.

When the pizza arrived they ate, though Roxas had most of it, as Axel had no real appetite. By the time he finished the last slice and looked over at the sick invalid, Roxas found him to be fast asleep. His head tilted back against the backrest of the sofa, and his mouth wide open. It causes Axel to snore due to the congestion.

Roxas turned off the television, cleaned up the litter, which seemed to have scattered and spread, and then returned to Axel's side.

He didn't feel half as angry anymore. But he wondered how he would ever live down his humiliation once Axel was well again. Was it cruel to wish perpetual sickness on someone? Probably.

He gently tipped Axel over to lay him down on the sofa. He popped a pillow under the man’s head, pulled gangly legs up onto the sofa, and covered the guy with another blanket.

Axel stirred and muttered, “Thanks, Roxas.”

“Get some sleep, Axel.”

“You wanna know a secret?” he slurred with sleep and illness.

“No.”

But it didn't stop Axel. “I can't cook. Shhhh.”

Roxas huffed with amusement. “Don't think that's an actual secret.”

“Mm. I'd learn to cook for you though,” he mumbled.

Roxas put absolutely no stock in Axel's words, but he could appreciate Axel being rather cute right now. “Thanks, Axel. Night.” 

Roxas pulled away but Axel's hand was on his wrist before he got too far. “What?” he sighed with exasperation, without turning to look at him.

“Do I get a goodnight kiss?”

Roxas’ eyes shot toward Axel. He couldn't spot any malice. There was only the drunken stupor, brought on by too much cold medicine and fatigue.

Axel had said he had listened to Roxas and had found it hot. Maybe he had been sincere after all? Maybe he liked him in some small way? Or maybe he was completely out of it and high on medication. Roxas _had_ cleared a lot of empty boxes off the small coffee table, after all. He wasn’t sure what to think. But he knew that he wanted to think the best. To think that Axel was sincere. He couldn’t imagine the man going to so much effort for him whilst being so sick, to fake an apology. Axel was way too lazy for that.

Roxas was emotionally and physically drained. He didn’t want to fight, so decided to oblige the request. He leaned down and dropped a small kiss on the top of Axel's head.

Axel gave a hoarse grunt. “I meant lips.” He puckered up and tilted his face toward Roxas.

It made him smile. Axel was being ridiculous, and it was a tiny bit adorable. “You should have been more specific.”

Roxas received another grunt. “Next time then,” Axel mumbled and his eyes closed.

“Yeah, sure. Next time.”

Roxas left Axel to sleep on the sofa and retreated to his own room for the night.

* * *

 

Axel was sick for several days. He made an appearance from time to time, but never made mention of the incident, which gave Roxas peace and quiet to forget about his irritation with the man, and for the humiliation to subside.

But he was still uncertain. So when Roxas had a private moment with Sora, he asked him about Axel. The response had been that of, “Oh yeah. Last weekend Riku heard that someone was looking for us. I wanted to ask you about that for days, but Riku thought it better to wait for you to tell us.”

Roxas found himself ruefully reminded of how thoughtfulness and Riku went hand-in-hand.

“Is everything okay between you and him? He said he made a huge mistake and wanted to make it up to you. You've always got a place with us if you need it, Roxas. You don’t have to stay in a place with someone you don’t like.”

Sora could usually always bring a smile to Roxas’ face with his sweetness. “It's fine, Sora. We had an argument, but I think it's all right for now.”

Sora appeared relieved and then tacked on, “Is he okay? He looked really crook when he came around.”

“It's just a cold. He'll survive.”

“Oh good. Hey what about the curry? You're still alive. I assume he cooked it well enough?”

“Oh I didn't eat it, or I might be dead.”

Sora pouted. “That's too bad. I hope he'll cook you something edible next time.”

“I don’t think he’s ever cooked a proper meal in his life.”

“Really? Kinda nice of him to try then.”

“Yeah, but if I completely disappear you can bet it's because of food poisoning, and I want you to get the police to question him first about my mysterious death.”

Sora had been all cheerful grins and agreed to the request.

So knowing that Axel truly had gone to some length to be thoughtful, meant something to Roxas. But he couldn't make out exactly _what_ it meant. Again the question of Axel’s sincerity raised its head in Roxas’ mind. He spent his time in his room when he wasn’t at lectures or work, and every time his eyes fell on the Layla model, feelings of doubt and guilt gnawed into him.

Maybe he had completely overreacted. Axel _had_ in fact done nice things for Roxas in the past. He wasn’t all bad. They had definitely had fun together over the last few months. But the awful memories and past experiences were denser and less easy to forget.

Roxas kept circling around and alternating between upset and forgiveness. He was in the latter phase when the inevitable happened - Axel got well enough to leave his contamination chamber, as Roxas had dubbed it. He wasn’t well enough yet to go to work, but was apparently well enough to want to talk to Roxas. 

Roxas was wedged out on the sofa, watching some evening television show, when Axel came and stood next to him. 

“Hey, Roxas.”

Because Roxas was feeling more amicable towards him this evening, he actually responded with words, rather than just an acknowledging grunt, “Hey Axel. Feeling better?”

“Yeah. I can breathe again.” Axel illustrated the point by taking a very deep breath and beaming out a smile in triumph. “See. No hacking up a lung.”

He certainly looked better too. Some color had returned to his face, and his voice was back to normal. “Glad to hear it.” Roxas returned his attention to the TV.

“Hey, ah… can we talk?”

Sinking feeling enveloped him. “We are, aren't we?” he got out with minimal emotion.

“You know what I mean.” Axel went to sit down next to Roxas without even the hint of an invite.

It forced Roxas to tuck his legs up under himself. He got the distinct feeling that he had no say in this, which made him groan out a, “Fine.” He muted the television but refused to turn and face Axel. He felt justified in not letting the guy off the hook so easily.

“Thanks. So uh… about the other night when I came back from the party…”

Roxas could feel his face heating up at the mere mention of it. The sting and humiliation hadn't lessened after all. “Can we drop it and pretend it never happened?”

“Considering how upset you got I think we gotta talk about it.”

“Why?”

“Look, I hate talking about shit just as much as the next guy, but we’re rooming together and I don’t want bad juju in our Sacred Haven, okay?”

“Bad juju,” Roxas huffed with amusement.

“It’s a real thing, so I wanna sort this out.”

Roxas cradled his head in his hand. He stared at the banal images flitting across the screen. He had thought about what he would say, and how he could downplay it as believably as possible. “Look, there's nothing to say about it. I've just been feeling really horny. I haven't had sex with anyone in ages. You're always having sex - and it’s not like I mean to - but I hear shit from time to time through my headphones, and it makes me really horny sometimes. You knew my situation with Riku. I just needed a distraction from thinking about him and, well you're hot and always in my face. It doesn't mean anything, okay?” Roxas shut his mouth, feeling positive that he had said enough.

“I completely get that. I get super horny too. That's kinda why I have my friends over so much. So, I want you to know that this can be our secret. I haven't - and won't - tell anyone about what you were getting up to. And I meant what I said, Roxas,” Axel scooched closer, drawing Roxas’ eyes away from where they were only half focusing. “Listening to you was amazing.”

All of Roxas’ insides tensed. He didn’t know what to make of that bit of information. He couldn’t even bring himself to do more than cast the most fleeting of glances at Axel.

“I wanna be completely honest with you. While you were fucking yourself I was getting myself off to you. And I wouldn’t ever admit that to anyone. So now you know my secret, okay?”

Roxas found it hard to swallow. Emotions, and feelings swirled around. His pulse raced through his body. He didn’t know if he was turned on by that, or freaked out. “You did?” It was barely audible, as his voice jammed in his throat.

“Yeah.” Axel shifted even closer. “I'm sorry for making you freak out. For saying shit that was wrong. I can't undo the shit I put you through when we were younger. I don't want you to think of me like I was back then. I've changed, and it be great if you could see that and give me a chance.”

“What kind of a chance do you want?” Roxas risked letting Axel see his heated face as he turned his head to finally look at him in full.

Axel also seemed a bit flustered, but Roxas couldn’t be sure if that was from residual sickness, or from an emotional state.

“For us to just fuck around. I wanna let you know that you can always come to me if you want sex. Because I definitely want to have sex with you, Roxas. And not to make fun of you, or hold anything against you - except maybe my body,” he winked, “ - but because I think you'd actually be an amazing lay. I think we could have lots of fun together, and there wouldn't be any strings attached.”

Roxas stayed quiet for a while. It seemed like a good enough proposal - now that he wasn’t gripped by shock and panic like the last time. Axel seemed less smug and gloaty. Less like he was rubbing something in Roxas’ face. He glanced at Axel a couple of times before talking, “You really want to have sex with me?”

“Yeah.”

It was a definite ego boost to hear him say that. Axel actually _wanted_ Roxas. And it sounded like more than just a one-time thing as well. Though he supposed that could change if either of them found it an awful experience. Roxas wanted to see how far he could push Axel. “Would you beg me to have sex with you?”

“You want me to?”

Roxas didn't really care, but he wanted to see what Axel would say. “Yeah.”

Axel seemed to contemplate that idea. He pulled back a little and his brow furrowed in concentration. “I… .” He suddenly looked up, somewhat fierce. “I’m gonna say it to you straight up, Roxas. So don’t get upset with me. I have never had to beg anyone in my life, and I’m not gonna start with you. I’m also not gonna tell you shit just because you might want to hear it. If you’re a shit lay you’re gonna know about it. If I don’t agree with something, I’m gonna tell you. Remember, I don’t care if I hurt people's feelings.”

Axel paused for a brief moment, breaking eye contact momentarily. He started up again, a little softer this time, “I mean - I’m not gonna go out of my way to hurt you, but I’m also not gonna compromise myself for you either. And look, in the end I want you to want to have sex with me, as much as I wanna have sex with you. I don’t want to be begging and wear you down for pity sex. I want hot, all-in kinda sex from you. I don’t want a relationship from you either, and you don’t want one from me. I just want you to be a friend I can blow off some steam with whenever either of us needs it.”

Axel fell quiet and they both just looked at one another for a while.

“So that’s it. That’s everything laid out. Is that okay with you?”

Was it? It sounds pretty fine to Roxas. He just wanted an outlet for his sexual frustrations after all. He could be friends with Axel and know the guy wouldn't feed him shit to please him. That actually seemed more than fine. It seemed pretty good. “Yeah.”

The light of the television flickered, bathing them in brightness. Roxas didn’t know where to go from here. Had they just agreed to become casual fuckbuddies?

Silence stretched out a bit. Neither of them moved.

“So… ,” Roxas prompted.

“Ah… oh! Yeah, that’s right. You yelled at me saying you never wanted to ask anything of me again. Guess I gotta be more direct?”

Roxas shrugged, but enjoyed the fact that Axel actually remembered what he had told him last week.

“Do ya wanna have sex with me, Roxas?”

“Right now?”

“I’d say yes, but I think I’m still a bit gross. Don’t want you to have a bad impression on our first time. So maybe after a week I’ll be yours whenever you want.” Axel gave a wink and bumped Roxas with his shoulder.

Roxas actually really liked the sound of that, but he didn't want to seem too eager. “What if it’s like 2am?”

“You can come in and if you can get me hard then it’s no problem.”

“You’re assuming that I’ll want you to fuck me. What if it’s the other way around?” he challenged.

Axel actually purred and leaned closer. “Even better. Same deal though. Get me awake enough and hard, and you can do whatever you want to me. Sound good?”

Roxas gave a noncommittal shrug.

Axel frowned a bit. “We good? You’re not still mad at me, are ya?”

Was he? Could he trust Axel? Roxas wanted to. He wanted to believe in him. “Guess I’m not.”

“So it’s a deal then? We get to have sex with each other at the drop of a hat if we’re both into it?”

This was actually happening for Roxas. He grew somewhat excited and nervous. “Yeah, deal.”

“Can we seal it with a kiss? And I mean one on the lips - with a little bit of tongue - and then a _lot_ of tongue - and maybe some heavy petting.”

Roxas chuckled lightly and gave Axel a disbelieving look, “You _just_ said no to sex because you're still getting over your cold. Kissing’s like the _worst_ thing to be doing.”

“But we've got to do something to make it official, right? Symbolic gesture of good faith an’ all that.”

“A firm handshake?” Roxas extended his hand and was unable to keep the smile off his face at Axel’s appalled reaction.

He looked at the outstretched hand like Roxas had just wiped his backside with it after going to the toilet. “I may have been sick and slightly delirious, but I remember a kiss and a promise to have a proper one later. And now is late.”

“I think I get to decide when exactly _later_ is.”

“But I want later to be _now_ ,” Axel whined.

“No deal. I don't wanna catch your cooties, or your disease.”

“Can I change the perimeter of the kiss and see if that'll fly?”

Roxas really liked their banter. “You can try, but no guarantees.”

“Awesome. Well, how about - kiss on the lips, closed mouth, no tongue, but I get to run my hands all over your body, no exclusion zones.”

That proposal sounded quite exciting. “I agree to the kiss, but not the all over, all access granted touching.”

A whiney squeak left Axel's throat.

“You can only touch the top half. Anything from here up.” Roxas motioned to his pants as being the boundary.

“I get to go under clothes?”

“Yeah.”

Axel smirked with satisfaction. “Okay, Deal. Kiss, closed mouth, no tongue, but I get to run my hands all over your upper body. Both over and under clothes. Got it.”

Roxas’ heart pounded. This was about to happen. He'd been wanting - even craving - physical contact with another human being. Now he was going to get it, from Axel nonetheless. He still remembered previous instances where Axel had been touching him when they had been together. He had worked really hard on not leaning into those touches - not to linger. But now he could actually enjoy! He was definitely looking forward to what was about to happen.

Axel leaned in and Roxas watched, tilting his head up to meet him. Axel looked so large. His eyes so green. His tattoos so much more detailed, and his hair so red. Paleness, from being sick, still clung to him. Lips were chapped, nose still slightly red and raw looking, from having blown it too much. But he was still attractive.

Axel smiled as he drew close. Both their eyes darted across each other's features, examining, absorbing, observing. But mostly darting back and forth between eyes and mouth.

Their noses touched and brushed each other. Axel’s body pushed a lot closer, his smile became a lot softer. Roxas’ eyes shut as Axel leaned in the last few inches separating them. Their lips connected in a very small kiss.

Warm, but dry lips pushed against Roxas’ more supple ones, and Roxas pushed back. They breathed against each other. Roxas could feel warm hands make contact with his side's and begin to make their way down, to find the hem of his shirt.

In the moment surprisingly soft fingertips touched his skin, Roxas regretted not having explored with Axel what he was allowed and supposed to do with his own hands. Was he allowed to touch Axel too? He kind of wanted to.

Warm hands roamed across his abdomen, feeling their way around. Roxas could feel himself tense and twitch under Axel's unfamiliar touch, as it ran around his sides, back, and front. All the while their lips were pressed together - unmoving - and they breathed together, deeply.

Roxas leaned towards Axel's body, and hands wrapped firmly around his back, pulling him closer. Roxas repositioned, following the pulling motion, without breaking their kiss, until he was seated atop of Axel, straddling his lap. 

Roxas’ arms rested on shoulders and folded together on the back of the sofa. Axel’s head was tilted back, their lips still touched, hands were still roving around Roxas’ torso. One around his back, holding him firmly yet gently in place, while the other traced the contours of Roxas’ ribs, chest, and then rubbed over nipples, alternating between one and the other, keeping them hard.

Roxas liked being on top of Axel. He wanted to deepen their kiss. Wanted to push his tongue in, and force Axel's head harder against the sofa’s backrest. He could feel the way Axel's heart hammered. It was fast, but Roxas couldn't tell if that was from any residual sickness, or from what they were doing. As for the state of Roxas’ own racing beats - well there was only one explanation.

He knew he was getting hard under Axel's touch. They were pressed so tightly together that Axel would be able to feel it too. But that was okay since Roxas could feel a hardness growing and pushing up from Axel as well.

If Roxas started grinding, would that go against the perimeters of their kiss? The rules and regulations became irritating. Roxas made a mental note to definitely not lay out specific boundaries the next time they did this. Because there _would definitely_ be a next time, no doubt about it. Roxas already prayed that the week would fly by, and that Axel would be 100% recovered.

Axel's hands suddenly pushed Roxas aside. Their kiss broke and he turned his head and began coughing. It sounded scratchy and dry and continued on. Roxas got up and went to fetch Axel a glass of water, while he fixed up his shirt in the process.

Axel had a big gulp when Roxas presented him with the glass, and a breathy, “Thanks,” was uttered.

“Was it that bad that you had to go try dying on me?” Roxas teased and sat back down on his usual side of the sofa.

“No, not at all. I just wanted to see if you'd come to my rescue. The fact that you did must mean you enjoyed it too.”

“It was passable. Would do it again, so don't worry, I won't let you die.”

“God, I'm glad to hear that. Otherwise I'd be dead and forgotten about right now.”

“Totally.”

They grinned at each other, and things felt better for Roxas than they had for a while.

* * *

 

The feeling didn’t last too long however. Panic and worry set in after a few days, especially once Axel was well enough to go back to work. For if he was well enough to work he was well enough to have sex. And Roxas wanted it, actually. But… no… it was so stupid… Roxas pushed the taunting thought aside, and a week to the day after they had last spoken about their new arrangement, Roxas decided to bring it up.

Axel had come back from his library shift, they had eaten dinner, which Roxas had made, and were sitting on the sofa again, streaming retro sci-fi shows. They had just finished an episode when Axel queried, “Another one?”

“Yeah. One more, then I’m going to bed.”

“You said ‘one more’ three episodes ago,” he teased and used his phone to stream the next episode.

“Yeah, but this time I mean it, for real.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”

The opening credits rolled and Axel stretched out, long legs splayed out before himself, and arms draped over the back of the sofa. Roxas always hogged most of the sofa space, laying clear across it on his side, and propping head up with his hand. He paid little attention to what was happening in the show at this moment, or even what had happened for the last two hours. His mind was preoccupied with thinking about his arrangement with Axel. He would really call it goodnight after this episode, so he had forty-five minutes to decide what he wanted to do.

He kept throwing cautious glances at Axel, like he had been that entire evening. Axel had thrown on an oversized jumper and tracksuit pants, once he had come back from work. Roxas wanted to run his hands under those clothes and have the same be done to himself. He wanted to kiss and lick his way across the planes of Axel’s body and tease the nipple ring the man had.

Roxas had been staring at Axel a lot more when he came out of his showers, since last week. That had been with Axel’s encouragement though. So Roxas knew the lithe body under baggy clothes. And he was building up the courage to know that body more intimately.

Axel’s voice interrupted Roxas’ fantasy of which body part he would start exploring first, “I hope you know I can see you staring at me, and it’s makin’ me hard. I haven’t had sex in over a week.” Axel tilted his head towards Roxas. “That’s like a really long time for me.”

“Cry me a river. I haven’t had sex in almost four months.”

Axel pulled a horrified face. “I don’t know how you’re still standing.”

“Well I’m not, am I,” Roxas said, pointedly.

“Yeah that’s true. You need my help to revive you?”

And there it was. Roxas nodded and rolled onto his back. Axel slowly pulled his limbs back to his body and crawled over Roxas. When Axel arrived eyes trailed over him and he wet his lips. “Where should I start? Everywhere looks completely delicious.”

Roxas tried to keep the nervous giggle at bay. He pointed at his lips. “You start here and we see where it leads.”

Axel hummed, leaned down and gently brushed against Roxas’ lips with his own. They were soft and plump, no longer touched by illness. Roxas sucked and gently held onto lips with his teeth whenever Axel pulled away.

The weight of Axel’s body steadily pushed down with more force as he descended. Knees were on either side of Roxas’ legs. Arms nestled at Roxas’ sides and fingers caresses, and sought out flesh under clothes.

Roxas’ hands also looked for skin. He stroked Axel’s cheek as they kissed, and found a way under fabric, running up Axel’s chest in hopes of finding the nipple ring.

Axel’s tongue softly probed the crease of Roxas’ lips and danced over teeth whenever Roxas gently pulled on Axel’s bottom lip.

Roxas found the nipple ring and thumbed over it, familiarizing himself with the feel of cool metal and warm skin. He pulled and pinched a little. Axel gasped and Roxas used the opportunity to run his own tongue across the inside of Axel’s lips and teeth.

Axel’s mouth opened wider and Roxas accepted the invitation to deepen their kiss. His tongue was greeted by Axel’s own. They pushed against each other. Roxas pinched Axel’s nipple harder and received a satisfying moan for his efforts. Axel’s body pressed against Roxas’ own and began rocking against his pelvis.

Roxas could feel solid heat grinding against his own growing erection. He pushed his hips up to increase the friction, and joined in with Axel’s moaning. He stopped stroking Axel’s cheek and pushed his hand into red hair, pulling him closer so he could get his tongue deeper.

Axel’s hands traveled down Roxas’ body towards his pants. When he got there he eased up on the grinding and played with the jeans button instead. Axel gave Roxas’ tongue a firm rub with his own in farewell, just as he pulled out of the kiss. But his lips didn’t go far. He trailed kisses down Roxas’ neck and bit gently.

Roxas’ hands continued to roam over Axel’s body. Skin felt smooth, soft and incredibly warm to the touch.

There was a slack in tension around Roxas’ waist as Axel popped the button and slid the zipper down. Roxas swept his own hand down Axel’s back, under elastic waistband and over silken boxers, squeezing his backside.

Roxas moaned. Axel bit harder into him and worked his hand over fabric and Roxas’ shaft, making Roxas push hips up into the touch. Roxas’ grip on Axel’s backside tightened. He massaged and savored the feel of muscles tensing. “You’ve got such a fucking tight ass, Axel.”

“You wanna fuck my asshole, Rox?” Axel rumbled against Roxas’ skin, and maneuvered his kisses up to Roxas’ ear, where he pulled on his earlobe.

“Yeah,” Roxas panted, sliding his hand under fabric and pushing his finger between Axel’s cheeks.

Axel pushed against Roxas’ finger as it came in contact with his anus. “Do you prefer giving over receiving?” Axel breathed against Roxas and placed more hot kissed, trailing towards Roxas’ mouth.

“Either one is good. Depends on what mood I’m in.”

Green eyes and devilish smirk came into sharp focus. “I hope you feel like havin’ a sore arse tonight, ‘cause I’m gonna pound you so hard.” Mouth was on Roxas’ own moments later. Tongue licked at lips. Roxas let Axel in and their tongues rubbed against each other.

Axel’s hands worked on pushing Roxas’ jeans off, but Roxas had other ideas and wasn’t going to be taken without a fight. He lifted his hips and felt Axel smile against his lips. Roxas shifted his weight to the left so suddenly that Axel tumbled off Roxas and landed on the floor with an exhale of, “Oof.”

Roxas rolled himself off the sofa as well and on top of Axel, which netted him even more pained groans. He straddled Axel and smirked down at him. “The tables have turned.”

“Doesn’t matter. I can still fuck you like this,” He pushed hips upward. “Just take your pants off and grind away.”

“You’re gonna have to strip me. And I won’t make it easy for you.”

Blue and green stared at each other with dangerous smiles. Neither moved as they watched each other, waiting for the slightest sign of a twitch to herald the beginnings of the wrestling match.

They both jumped as music started blaring. It was Axel’s ringtone. Roxas reached for the phone on the coffee table.

“Leave it. If it’s important they’ll send me a message.”

Roxas ignored him and picked it up, looking at the caller ID. “It’s Larxene.”

“Definitely not important then.”

 _Maybe_ , Roxas thought. “You should take it.” He answered the call for Axel and leaned down, pushing the phone against the man's ear.

Axel groaned and took over holding it from Roxas. “What is it, bitch?”

Roxas had strong opinions about how Axel and Larxene interacted. They were always at each other's throats. Their sex always sounded rough and hard. Roxas wondered if they truly didn’t hate each other underneath it all.

“Nah, Larx. I’m busy tonight.” Axel threw Roxas a glance and then returned eyes to daze off into the nothingness of the ceiling above him.

Roxas heard the screech of “ _Busy,”_ through the line and then her unique laugh.

“Yeah. I don’t need you all the time.” That seemed to start some sort of a tirade on the other side of the line.

Roxas gently ran hands over the exposed parts of Axel’s abdomen where the shirt and jumper had bunched up. Axel picked up one of Roxas’ hands and placed it on top of his own erection, leaving Roxas there to do whatever he pleased.

Axel had gone semi-flaccid, and Roxas wasn’t fairing much better. Maybe tonight wasn’t going to be Roxas’ night to break his dry spell.

“You can come over any other night. Just not tonight.”

“It’s fine, Axel. I think you should see her instead,” Roxas offered quietly.

Axel’s face scrunched up and he shook his head lightly while he kept talking to Larxene.

Roxas was used to being shafted for someone else, so this really wasn’t a big deal. And the more he thought about it the more the mood vanished for him. 

Yes - he had really missed this one-on-one contact. He had missed being completely lost in someone else's touch, and to be all alone with just one person. But he wasn't alone with Axel, not really. And that was fine, Roxas supposed. He _had_ to become okay with it - there were no other easy options. He also thought that the more interruptions they got the better off it was for Roxas. He wasn’t sure if he could cope with getting attached to someone else he was rooming with.

“Axel, I’m gonna go to bed. I really think you should get Larxene over here,” he pushed quietly.

Axel looked offended at that remark. “No Larxene. We’ll do it another day. I’m still hacking up loogies. - Quit raging. You’re probably getting on your rags anyway, and then you’re too gross to touch.”

Axel laughed after a second of listening. “Yeah, you too. Bye,” and hung up. “God, what a pain,” Axel sighed and threw his phone back onto the coffee table.

“She sounded like she's gonna kill you if you don't get her off.”

“She always sounds like that, so don’t worry. -But anyway, where were we -” Axel returned hands to Roxas’ hips, hooking fingers under waistband band and pulling them down slowly. “Let's see what you're packing.”

“No, Axel.” Roxas grabbed hands off himself and gently folded them onto Axel's abdomen.

“C’mon, I can already see you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of.” Axel's hands returned to hips.

Roxas got up and moved away, instead zipping himself up. “Not tonight. Another time. I'm really tired.”

Axel leaned up. “What's the matter? Larxene totally kill the mood for you?”

“Something like that.”

“Fucking bitch. She's really not as upset as she sounds.”

“Doesn't matter. I'm gonna go sleep. But feel free to call her back and invite her over.”

“Nah, can't do that. I already turned her down. If I backtrack now, she’ll smell weakness and mutilate me.”

“Sorry to mess up your night.”

Axel shrugged. “No biggie. You'll be making it up to me soon enough though, right?” Eyebrow waggled.

“Yeah, definitely. Night Axel.” Roxas made his way to his room.

Axel dropped himself back onto the floor. “Night, Roxas.”

Roxas heard a mutter of, “ _I'm gonna kill her instead_ ,” as he closed the door.

* * *

 

Roxas didn’t sleep well that night. He had dreams of being out at sea - stranded and alone in the darkness. Ships sailed by - little dots of light on the horizon. He tried to wave down the ones that passed close by, but no one on deck was paying attention or noticed him - being too busy with their parties and guests.

He gave up in the end, and just laid on the beach, listening to the sound of the waves.

The morose mood his dream created lingered that entire day. It amplified over lunch as he sat with his friends. June was raving about a guy she had met the previous night, and for some reason Sora and Riku seemed even more touchy-feely with one another than usual. Casting his eyes across the cafeteria Roxas could also make out Axel, seeming very chummy with his friends and Larxene.

It was just not one of Roxas’ good days. He tried to make it go away by ignoring it and focusing on his work, but boredom took root pretty quickly. A crazy urge to clean his room came over him. He stripped his sheets and made multiple trips down to the laundry. He vacuumed - not just his room but the entire space - and later did the same to Axel’s room once he had gone out to work.

Roxas even embraced the horrible task of cleaning the bathroom - scrubbing the shower and toilet, and wiping down all the sink surface. But eventually everything that could be cleaned _was_ clean, and Roxas lay sprawled out on his freshly dried bedsheets.

The next thing he knew, there was a knock at his door, which he had left open before he had evidently dozed off. Rubbing at eyes, Roxas sat up. “You’re back.”

Axel was half hidden behind the doorway. “Yeah.”

“You eaten?”

“Yeah. I even washed up the dishes,” he said, with pride undisguised.

“Good man. I’ll make you into a respectable guy one day. One all the ladies will be after, because he cleans up.”

Amusement rumbled in the back of Axel’s throat. “I hope not too respectable though. Can I come in?”

“Yeah, what’s up?” Roxas got out past a yawn.

Axel entered. “I’ve turned my phone off, and left it in my room. I could use a bit of you in me,” he winked.

Axel’s invite caused Roxas’ heart to wake up. “Yeah, okay.”

That response put a wide grin on Axel’s face. He closed the door behind himself and approached Roxas on his bed. He dug out a couple of condoms and dropped them on the bedside stand. “You got lube, right?”

“Er, yeah. Middle drawer.”

Axel opened the drawer and pulled out the bottle, as well as Roxas’ own condom packet, and lastly Axel’s butt plug. He held it aloft and eyed Roxas with amusement.

Embarrassment shot through him. “Sorry. Forgot to return it. Too much stuff’s been happening lately.”

“All good. You can keep it in here.” Axel knelt onto the bed and shuffled towards Roxas. “Wanna use it? ‘Cause I wanna see you use it. Maybe even put it in you myself, and have you come in me.”

Axel’s words stirred Roxas’ pulse. He reached out for Axel and pulled him into a kiss. Their teeth clashed together but they battled through and stayed together. 

Roxas sucked hard on Axel, and had the same intensity be returned. Hands wandered over each other with some care, as they were still familiarizing themselves with each other. Roxas went straight for the nipple ring, while Axel’s hand settled around hips, and one pushed into the back of Roxas’ pants and cupped his buttock.

Roxas scooched closer and got himself onto Axel’s lap. Axel had more room to get his hand in deeper, squeezing harder. Roxas used his new height advantage to force Axel’s head back and pushed his tongue deeper into Axel’s mouth.

Axel made enthusiastic sounds in the back of his throat. His grip around Roxas tightened and he pulled their chests together. Roxas pushed his pelvis against Axel’s stomach and began rocking hips. He pushed and pushed until Axel fell backward with Roxas still atop of him. 

Roxas pressed even harder against Axel, and found a good position to rub against hipbone. He got into a good rhythm while sucking and nipping hard on Axel’s bottom lip.

Roxas hadn’t felt such intense need in a while. There was desperation in his kiss and movements. He wanted to come and get some relief, and for it to be completely meaningless. His fingernails scraped and began digging into Axel’s flesh. Axel responded in kind and pushed against Roxas’ motion. They breathed harshly against each other and their kissing became more ferocious.

This felt so wrong. Thoughts and images flashed through Roxas’ head. They made him angry and bitter, causing misery and frustration.

In an instant he pulled completely off Axel, almost flinging himself to the edge of his bed and facing towards the wall, hiding face in the palm of his hand.

“Roxas - dude, what’s wrong?”

Roxas felt the mattress shift and dip. Axel’s heat radiated at his side.

“I don’t want this. I don’t want to feel like shit.”

“Is it that bad?”

Roxas inhaled deeply. “No. It’s not that. It’s -,” he groaned. “Forget it. It’s completely dumb.”

“It’s getting between us and sex, whatever it is. So out with it.”

Roxas ventured a look at Axel. Green eyes pierced and brow was knitted. Roxas returned the frown and looked away. “I think I have a problem. I don’t want meaningless sex. I want someone to care about me. I want Riku to care about me.” The hurt was welling in his chest.

Axel remained silent.

Roxas huffed and tried to keep the tears at bay. He felt so stupid, and that nothing was going right.

“I can’t give you that,” Axel mumbled after a while.

“I know. And I don’t want that from you either.”

“But if you need that - and I can’t give it to you… does that mean no sex?”

“I don’t know. I want to. I want to fuck you but -” Roxas just didn’t know. He wanted to blow off steam. He wanted to _just have sex_ with someone. He thought it was what he needed. But - “Fuck me,” he groaned in frustration.

“Yes, please?”

Some of the tension inside of Roxas snapped, and a small laugh shook his insides, making him feel better. “I want to screw around with you. But I think I’m someone who needs a serious relationship. And - I’m fucking terrified that if we have sex I’m going to become obsessed with you and want that from you. And that’s the last thing you want, so I’ll be left miserable and heartbroken again. I’m so fucking stupid.” He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his forehead there, drawing arms over his head for extra protection against having his tears be seen.

“You really think that might actually happen?” Axel wondered.

Roxas felt relieved that he wasn’t being met with mocking laughter. “I don’t want there to be a chance of that happening. But what if I’m someone who gets attached to anyone who shows me a bit of affection? What if I can’t have casual sex?”

“But you’ve had sex with other guys before, right? I mean besides your epic threesome adventures.”

“Yeah, but Riku’s fucked me up. I wanted him a lot more after we had sex a couple of times.” 

Roxas felt Axel’s body push against his side as the man moved and sat next to him on the edge of the bed. He pushed his eyes harder against his knees, trying to mop up the tears with the fabric of his jeans.

Axel pushed against Roxas’ shoulder gently. “Yeah, but that’s Riku. The way I see it there must have been something about him when you first met that you really liked, right?”

Roxas chewed his lip and thought back over the year and a bit he had known Riku for. “I ah - God this is so stupid -.” Roxas felt embarrassed thinking and talking about this entire thing.

“No, c’mon. I’m gonna help you get to the bottom of this so we can bone.”

Another small laugh stirred inside of Roxas. He lifted his head and looked ahead of himself. “Well… I thought him fucking hot. I liked his arms and - … ah… wanted to be held by them.” He felt to dumb for saying that out loud.

“A-ha! See - _there’s_ your problem. That’s A-Grade ‘relationship’ wishing right there. That’s what got you into trouble.”

Roxas gave Axel a skeptical glance. “That’s stupid.”

An eyebrow cocked in response. “Oh _is it_? Tell me… are you in love with that Sora guy?”

“No.”

“And what about the other guys you had sex with before that? Ever fall for any of them?”

“No,” he mumbled, slowly starting to get the point, but hating it.

“So you’re being completely fucking stupid - worrying about something like falling for me - _Please_. What makes me so special, besides my handsome good looks and inter-stellar taste in sci-fi shows?”

A smile grew on Roxas’ face. “Nothing,” he murmured and bit his lip to stop having his smile grow too big.

“Exactly. I’m irritating, self-centered and narcissistic. I don’t give a rats ass about anyone but numero uno,” Axel pointed at himself. “Nothing to like.”

“Well I know that _now,_ but when we first met you seemed cool.”

“What you mean _seemed_ cool? I am and always have been cool. But also a dick.”

“Yeah. That’s true. But -”

“But?”

“I wanted to be your friend in elementary school. That’s wanting a relationship of some kind. Isn’t that a problem?”

“Nah, that’s completely different.”

“How? Sounds like you’re just making shit up, to get into my pants.”

“I am, but I have evidence. When I first met Dem and Larx I wanted to have them as friends. I thought ‘there’s a kid I can beat up and make my lacky, and there's someone if I’m friends with, no one’ll mess with me.’ We became good friends and we’ve never had feelings for one another.” Axel gave Roxas a big grin which seemed to convey reassurance.

“I still don’t understand that whole dynamic,” Roxas sighed. 

“What’s not to understand?”

“Well I’ve got friends from elementary school. I love them, but could never imagine having sex with them.”

“Why not?”

“ ‘Cause it would be gross.”

“So you do get it. The same grossness you feel about having sex with them is the same grossness I feel, when I think about having to have romantic feelings for Larxene or Demyx. So you just need to channel that disgusting shivering feeling and apply it to me. - I mean when it comes to thinking about us holding hands, and giggling together, and planning on moving into a house together, and owning like five goldfish and two parakeets.”

Roxas chuckled. “You’re a fish and bird kind of guy?”

“Low maintenance, unlike human relationships.”

“Guess that’s all right then. We can never be together. I want to own a dog and cat and a donkey.”

“A donkey?”

“Yeah. They’re super cute.”

“Weirdo.” Axel shoved Roxas.

He felt better. “Thanks, Axel.”

“Any time.”

They both smiled at each other for immeasurable moments before Axel broke off the eye contact. “Ah - but yeah, don’t think I gave you this pep talk for any other reason than the fact that I’m fucking tired of you blue-balling us, with your mental problems.”

“Yeah, of course. You’re a complete asshole.”

“And don’t ever forget it. Seriously. Just keep remembering what a dick I was to you for all those years in the past. And you know that I’m still one even now. So if you start getting feelings for me just tell me, and I’ll ramp up my dickishness, just for you. Like a vaccine against feelings.”

Roxas laughed at how stupid that entire concept was. “You’re so generous, and also so dumb.”

Axel grinned, “That’s the right attitude, Roxas. I _am_ dumb. You’re way too good for me, so never settle for less. And I may be generous but I’m also a complete asshole. Don’t forget, okay?”

Roxas huffed and nodded. “Got it.”

“Good. So ah - we good to go now? I mean - I’m not hard anymore, but I’m sure we can change that in a minute.” Axel leaned in for a kiss.

Roxas put his arm up and pushed against Axel’s chest. “We can’t.”

“Why?”

“We just… had a big heart-to-heart, you dumbass. I’m gonna catch feelings if we do anything now.”

Stern looks were exchanged and softened into gentle laughter.

“Okay, completely understand. I’ll let you remember what a prick I am before we try this again.”

“Thanks.”

“In fact, I think I’ll call Larxene to come over. I need a fuck.”

“Be as loud as you can be, so I can hate you as much as possible.”

“Will do.” Axel ruffled Roxas’ hair and got up. “I’ll leave my stuff here though, for future booty-calls,” he winked.

“Kay. Goodnight Axel.”

“Night, Rox.”


	10. Closer and Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a reshaping of how they see each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit content below.

Days passed and Axel didn't bother with Roxas. The most he did was to suggest for Roxas to drop his towel, whenever he caught sight of him after a shower. He never expected a response, so the day he got one had been rather surprising.

Instead of walking to his room, Roxas veered off and came to a standstill between Axel’s legs as he lounged on the sofa.

“Oh, hey.” Axel took in the view. Was it weird that he wanted to chew on Roxas’ stomach and arms?

“Hey.” Roxas looked down, somewhat flushed.

“You took your sweet ass time in there today.”

“You keeping tabs on me?”

“Trying to figure out how much hot water might be left,” he passed off.

“Plenty. I was in there so long to get ready.”

“Ready? You got a hot date?” Irritation sprung up. Axel felt cheated if Roxas was going to get sex tonight from someone other than himself. He’d been so close twice already. To have Roxas be over his mental shit and not reward Axel for all his patience was unconscionable. 

“No date. But a very important meeting with your cock.”

“What?” Had he heard right?

Roxas dropped his towel and Axel stared at Roxas’ nakedness. He was sporting a semi-hard erection. Axel licked his lips. Scratch wanting to gnaw on Roxas’ upper body. He wanted to suck and tend to that erection, which was so enticingly almost at his eye level, as he sat slumped on the sofa.

“Will you do me?” Roxas’ stomach moved with nervous breath.

Axel somehow dragged his eyes off his penis and onto blue eyes. “Yeah,” he breathed and wrapped arms around Roxas’ hips and backside. He pulled him closer, leaned in, and licked the tip of Roxas’ head.

Roxas made a small pleased sound and threaded fingers through Axel’s hair.

“You got anything specific in mind?” Axel tilted his head up to look at Roxas, but also opened his mouth wider and took him in while he waited for a response.

Roxas’ eyes fluttered, the pleasurable sound increased, as did the grip on Axel’s hair. He pushed hips forward and his penis a little deeper into Axel’s accepting mouth. “This - is good. But - I want you in my butt too.”

Axel smiled against Roxas’ flesh, hummed and swallowed him down even further. He sucked and scraped teeth against the already much harder shaft. He felt his own erection growing and was eager to finally be able to push into Roxas’ arse.

Axel picked up his pacing a little, wanting to push Roxas to groan louder, which he did. Axel’s penis twitched in response and he moaned against Roxas’ head, which caused Roxas to groan even more.

He pulled off Roxas and licked lips. “Gonna need lube. Your room or mine?”

Roxas looked somewhat dazed, slowly finding Axel’s eyes. “Yeah, whichever.”

“All right. Yours then. I’ll grab some of your condoms for my room so we can be in there next time.”

Roxas stepped back a little, to give Axel space to stand up, which he did. Just then the familiar ringtone of his phone went off, and with it the thought of ‘Oh fuck, not again.’

Roxas looked at the table. “It’s Larxene.” “Fuck her, and not in the literal sense. I’m not gonna let her ruin the mood again.” He grabbed Roxas’ arm and started pulling him away to the bedroom. 

Roxas however resisted and picked up the phone, answering it. “Hey Larxene.” - “No, it’s Roxas.” - “Yeah, Axel’s here. But he’s about to get very busy.” - “Yeah, _busy_. With me. He’ll talk to you tomorrow. Night.” With that Roxas hung up and threw the phone onto the sofa.

Axel stared, and when it was all over he laughed. “Well holy shit, Rox. Aren’t you a bit possessive.”

“She can have you any other night. But now it’s my turn.” Roxas took the lead and pulled Axel into his room.

Axel was pushed onto the bed and Roxas descended on him, stripping off his shirt and casting it aside. Axel felt so turned on in the way Roxas was being territorial over him and pushing him around. It was a hell more sexy than when Larxene did it. Maybe because she was always bossy, while Roxas wasn’t normally like that… as far as Axel knew anyway.

Roxas pressed lips to Axel’s nipple ring and tongued him, while pinching the other one. It causes a delightful tingling sensation to radiate outward. “You like that?” Axel rumbled with pleasure.

“It's your hottest feature,” Roxas mouthed around the metal and continued playing with it.

Axel ran his hand down Roxas’ back and over his buttock once more. Finger traced the parting. “Lube,” he reiterated.

Roxas peeled off Axel with a popping sound as his mouth left skin. He crawled over to his bedside stand and fished around.

Axel looked at the way pert and tight cheeks were presented before him. He couldn't help himself. He reached over, groped and spread the halves apart.

“What're you doing?” Roxas threw out.

“Tell me if this feels weird and you don't like it.” Axel scooched over, bent down and placed a kiss on Roxas’ scrotum, which made Roxas flinch a little. But there was no protest so, Axel continued. 

He ran tongue up over sensitive flesh towards Roxas’ anus. Roxas squirmed a little, gasping, but continued to hold his tongue. The fact that Roxas was letting him do this was already a huge turn on. Axel licked and swirled his tongue around Roxas’ puckered sphincter, getting closer to the center with every sweep.

Roxas’ breathing came harder and a fraction more ragged. “Wow,” he breathed out.

Axel pulled back a bit to get words out, “Never had a rim job?” He returned his mouth to Roxas’ backside, placing kisses and pulling ever so gently at flesh with his lips.

“No. Never.”

“You like it, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Roxas threw a look over his shoulder toward Axel.

Half lidded eyes and rosy cheeks greeted him. Axel lived for moments like these. “It'll feel even better in a second.” He ran one hand down to fondle Roxas’ sac, and kept cheeks spread with his other. Axel went back in and continued running his tongue around the ridges of the tight ring of muscles. He probed Roxas’ sphincter, and pushed gently against the puckering.

A sharp breath left Roxas’ body. 

Axel pulled away. “No good?”

“Unexpected. Keep going.”

“Kay. Just relax.”

Roxas hummed and breathed deep, keeping his backside up in the air while he supported himself on elbows.

Axel grinned and pushed his face back in, lapping at Roxas. He got great satisfaction from the breathy mutterings which emanated from Roxas chest. He pushed his tongue a little bit into Roxas’ tight hole. It netted Axel a pleasant whimper. He ran tongue around the entrance, rubbing lightly and pushing just a little bit deeper, especially when Roxas pushed his hips back against Axel and moaned.

“Fuck me, Axel.”

Axel didn't know if it was a command, of just an excited exclamation. He continued working his tongue around and began sucking gently with his lips. 

He never even contemplated that he'd ever be doing this to Roxas. It excited Axel a lot. His heartbeat pulsed through his core. His penis was as hard as it had ever been. He had almost forgotten how much he enjoyed the thrill of having sex with someone new. And if what Roxas had said was indeed a command he wanted to fulfill it. 

Normally he loved eating Demyx out until he came - and would also love to do the same for Roxas… but not tonight. Not when he had been teased and left high and dry twice already. He wanted to get his cock in there. To feel Roxas’ muscles clench against him and to feel himself come into his arse.

As a parting gift Axel rubbed his tongue in and out of Roxas in quick succession before he pulled out completely. That motion forced a high pitched squeak out of Roxas and he seemed to miss Axel’s presence, if the way he rocked his backside towards Axel meant anything.

“Lube, babe.”

A bottle was handed to him after a moment, and then a condom was thrown and landed next to Axel's knee, while he slathered some lube onto his fingers.

Roxas was still on elbows and knees in front of him. Axel was overcome with hunger for Roxas. He pushed a slippery finger into the other man, and maneuvered it around in slow circles, like he had done with his tongue.

He watched Roxas fiddle with one of his own condoms, and took great enjoyment from catching him fumble when Axel pushed another finger into him without warning.

Roxas moaned as he was stretched lightly. And then he groaned more when another digit was inserted.

“It's been so long, I almost forgot how much I miss being fucked,” Roxas moaned into his pillow.

“Yeah, you must have been deprived big time. Wait till I introduce you to my cock. You're gonna love it.”

Roxas looked behind himself, face flushed even more. “Hurry up then. Get your pants off.”

Axel smirked and leaned back, so he could access his pants easier. He unbuttoned and unzipped himself with one hand, while continuing to finger and stretch Roxas with the other. Roxas helped him out by rocking against Axel's hands every time Axel lost focus while he wrestled with getting his clothes off.

“Don't worry about it. Just push them off halfway and fuck me already,” Roxas bemoaned.

“As you wish.” Axel abandoned getting pants all the way off, pulled fingers out, to Roxas’ protest, and worked on getting his condom on.

Roxas meanwhile rolled over, spread his legs out wide at either side of Axel and rested on elbows, watching.

Axel got a little distracted as his eyes trailed and lingered over Roxas. He was well-toned thanks to his youth. The fine hairs blended into his skin tone and his dense body hair was well trimmed and maintained. Axel could appreciate Roxas having taken his sweet time in the bathroom today if this was the outcome.

He caught the way gorgeous big blue eyes got even bigger when Axel managed to get his condom on and moved his hands away so Roxas could see. There was a lick of lips and a slightly deeper inhale of breath.

“Like what you see?”

“Uh-huh. That butt plug definitely wasn't giving out false promises.”

Axel laughed and scooched closer. He positioned himself between Roxas’ legs, made sure his pants and briefs were enough out of the way, and nudged Roxas’ anus with the very tip of his penis. “So we finally get to do this.”

“Yeah. Fuck me, Axel. What’re you waiting for?” A dangerously sexy smirk blossomed on Roxas’ face.

Axel leaned over Roxas, placing hand at either side. “Nothing at all.” He pushed a little, nudging hips closer towards Roxas, and forcing the head of his penis into glorious warm tightness. A satisfying moan seeped out. It grew in intensity and volume the further Axel went. He hated censoring himself, especially when it came to sex, so he never bothered with it.

Roxas also made a pleased and satisfied sound the wider Axel stretched him. “So good. Fuck I've missed this.” Roxas threw his arms over his head, and continued muttering into them.

When Axel had pushed into Roxas as far as he could he rested and breathed deep. He focused on the feel of Roxas around him. Every small motion he made squeezed Axel in some way. He loved eating out guys - but being inside them was just so fucking good too.

Roxas breathed in, pulled arms off his head and stared at Axel. “Pound me into the mattress.”

That was all it took for Axel to get started. He didn't hold back, pulling out and pushing in as hard and as fast as he could. He pounded into Roxas like Roxas and also Axel wanted.

The bed creaked and thumped against the wall. Both men moaned and groaned. Roxas threw out encouragements for Axel, as well as challenges. “Is that the best you can do?” - “C’mon Axel, faster - harder - deeper.”

Axel obliged, wanting to prove that he could deliver on anything Roxas demanded. Sex with Roxas was exhilarating.

He pushed Roxas to the brink. He pinned his arms beside his head, he bit and nibbled on Roxas’ neck, not caring how much he marred skin, and Roxas almost screamed his name when he finally came.

Roxas’ body was so intense in the way muscles gripped Axel, that he had no problem coming after a few more deep thrusts. 

He panted from the exertion and slumped atop of Roxas while both tried to recover. He pushed his head under Roxas’ chin and listened to the thudding of his heart, feeling great satisfaction in having been the cause of it.

Roxas’ hands lazily brushed at hair and fingered over the sweat-soaked skin of Axel’s back. Axel curled fingers and stroked at the faint outlines of Roxas’ ribs. It was weirdly peaceful. Usually Axel just kicked his bed partners out. But he was tired, so it was probably okay to rest like this for a moment or two longer. Plus Roxas wasn’t kicking him out just yet.

After an indeterminable amount of time Axel just had to ask, “How you holdin’ up? Did I stir up any pesky feelings?”

After a few deep, and still rather ragged breaths, Roxas managed to squeeze out a response, “None - except for the feeling that I wanna do this with you _a lot more_.”

That was the most satisfying answer of them all.

* * *

 

Larxene came around a lot less frequently, as did Demyx. Demyx seemed less pissed off about the whole thing than Larxene, but instead gushed about irritating things like love. If Axel had known that getting a third fuck buddy would cause him so much strife… well he never finished that thought. He didn’t think he’d ever trade Roxas out for the world. 

Roxas was always ready to drop his pants and fuck Axel, or be fucked by Axel. Even when they didn’t plan on doing anything but chilling out, they still happily obliged each other if the need or want ever hit either of them.

That was convenience Axel could never pass up, and he told himself it was a big reason for him almost exclusively seeing Roxas now. If he was living with either Demyx or Larxene it would probably be much the same way. But he was very glad he wasn’t rooming with them.

He was feeling exceptionally horny one day, and made short work of the walk between the library and his dorm room.

“Roxas, your favorite cocksucker’s home to do his second job!” He closed the door and turned on the hallway light. Everything was oddly quiet. There was no smell of food or a single light on anywhere. Had he gone out? It didn’t happen often, but it wasn’t impossible.

Axel turned on the lamp by the sofa and peeked through the gap of Roxas’ door. It was dark and abandoned in there, with no sign of Roxas at his computer or in his bed.

Axel frowned. He had really wanted to spend some time teasing Roxas mercilessly, and then make good on his taunts. But since that wasn’t going to happen he went to his snack cupboard, grabbed the first thing that was within reach, and went to his room to go over some of his design schematics, since a major project was due in a few weeks.

It wasn’t very long after he sat down and launched all his relevant programs that he heard a small sound. It wasn’t the normal creak and squeak of the building, nor the sound of anyone commuting down the hallway.

“Roxas?” he called out. The indiscernible sound stopped. Axel got up and went back towards Roxas’ room. “I’m coming in,” he announced, pushing the door open further and switched the light on. It was still empty and abandoned. Had he imagined it?

Axel walked around the other side of the bed, to see if Roxas was hiding, but found nothing. He hummed and muttered, “Oh well,” and made to leave but stopped. The noise sprung up again. He was closer now so he could make out that it sounded like a hiccup. 

He turned towards the built-in wardrobe, opposite of the bed, and smirked. Stepping towards it he flung the doors wide open. “Ha! Found you!” he declared, while eyes darted. All he saw was clothes hanging up. There came a tiny squeak and Axel’s eyes dropped to find Roxas on the floor, hugging his knees.

He looked up at Axel, eyes completely bloodshot, tears streaming and face splotchy and red.

Axel’s mouth began hanging open, but he found his voice. “Roxas, what’s wrong? Why’re you in the closet? Why’re you crying?”

“I -,” voice tapered out in a high pitched squeak and more tears came. Roxas’ eyes squeezed shut and he lowered his head onto knees.

Axel pushed clothes aside, stepped into the closet, closed the door and sat down next to Roxas, pulling his quivering form to himself. The light from the bedroom filtered through the wooden slats of the closet door, leaving stripey shadows on the both of them.

“Did someone hurt you?” Axel growled. He was going to smash whoever it was.

Roxas shook his head, but continued to blubber and sniffle. Axel pulled Roxas even closer, tucking wet face against his neck and stroking hair and cheek.

They sat together. Axel kept patting and stroking, and making quiet shushing sounds, trying to be soothing, though he had no clue if he was doing it right.

“What happened?” Axel muffled against Roxas’ hair, once crying had eased a little.

“My m-om - she got -,’ more sobs came.

“She all right?”

“Du-nno,” Roxas squeaked and more tears came.

“Ah fuck.” Axel hugged him tight and left kisses in hair. He felt terribly uncomfortable seeing Roxas like this. He felt powerless and useless. “When did you get the news?”

“Dunno. A wh-while a-after you left?”

He rubbed Roxas’ arm lightly, which had been tucked around Axel's chest. Despite the red and heated cheeks, Roxas felt so cold. “You should have called me, or come and seen me.”

“Y-y-you were wor-king.”

“Work’s not important. I could have left early - not like they care. Or I could have hidden out with you in the cupboard under the basement stairs if I couldn't get out. So no excuse really.”

Roxas sniffled and stuttered out, “I wa-was sc-scared.”

“Scared? Of what?”

“Y-you laugh-ing at me. - C-crybaby.” Roxas squeaked again and sobbed once more.

Axel frowned and wanted to go back in time to punch his younger self. He wrapped his arms around Roxas’ head and left more kisses. “I'm sorry for making you think that. I'd never laugh at you for being sad about this. Other things - sure. But this? Never.”

Roxas breathed deep for a while. His hysterical upset settled a little and he pushed his face against Axel's neck, muffling, “I know y-you don't like me ta-talking about family.”

Axel grumbled at all the valid excuses Roxas has for not coming to him with this. “God, am I really such a fucking asshole?”

“Yeah.”

Axel felt relieved to catch the feel of a small smile pressing against his skin. “Well I don't want you to ever think you can't come to me when you're upset. You've been sitting in here for hours. You haven't eaten, have you?”

Roxas shook his head.

Axel shifted, gently moving Roxas off himself and stood up. “C’mon, I'm gonna cook you whatever you were gonna make tonight.” He then hauled Roxas up onto his feet to join him.

“You gonna poison me?” came Roxas’ now much more even and settled voice.

“I won't if you tell me what to do.” He pushed flattened hair out of Roxas’ face and looked at him with sympathy. Roxas looked as awful as was to be expected of someone who had locked themselves away with nothing but pained misery for company.

Axel wished he could have been there from the start. It bothered him to think of Roxas in the shitty closet. He opened the door and pulled Roxas out into the room beyond and matched them both towards the kitchen.

“So what were you gonna make tonight?”

“Fish curry.”

Axel chuckled. “Where you gonna show me up?”

“Yeah”

“Well now I can redeem myself.” He pushed Roxas into the chair and then flitted around the kitchen, following Roxas’ instructions. Every time Axel got something wrong it made Roxas smile or laugh, so Axel suddenly became even more clumsy and buffoon-like in the kitchen than he normally was. Anything to make Roxas cheer up.

Within the hour Axel had cobbled together their dinner and served it up on the tiny dining table. He sat down on a stool he had ‘acquired’ from the Library, and watched with baited breath as Roxas smelled the meal. 

Roxas looked at Axel with worry in his eyes and took a small mouthful, and then gave Axel a tremendous frown.

“Still no good, even after all that coaching?”

Roxas’ eyes gave nothing away as he looked from bowl, to Axel, and back to bowl. He took a dramatic breath and all hardness fell away as a radiant smile appeared. “Tastes great,” and he resumed taking small spoonfuls.

He groaned inwardly at that smile. “You fucking troll,” was Axel's affectionate response and he also started eating, but kept an eye on Roxas, who didn’t seem to have much of an appetite, rather focusing on checking his phone a million times between spoonfuls. And every time he looked he seemed to eat less and less.

Axel reached over and confiscated the phone to loud protests.

“What’re you doing? Give that back!” Roxas sprang up and reached for it across the table, making wooden legs groan against floor, and dishes clink.

Axel stretched and moved the phone well out of Roxas’ reach. “If it makes a sound you get to check it. Now sit down and eat.”

“Fuck you!”

“Later. Eat.” He pushed on Roxas’ shoulder, to make him back off.

Roxas scowled, threw hateful daggers at Axel and longing glances at his phone. It didn’t faze Axel though. Roxas, after a few more moments of apparent irritation, sat back down and grumpily ate his meal.

The phone didn’t make a sound.

Afterwards Axel sat Roxas down in front of the television, flicked over to his favorite talk show, which was about halfway done, and returned the phone to him. Roxas was onto it like a fly on shit, obsessively checking his mail, messages and call history.

Axel left him there while he went to clean up and do the dishes. He wondered what had happened to Roxas’ mother. He got that Roxas was very close to his parents. He didn’t even feel quite so irritated about it anymore, having come to accept that he shouldn’t hold it against others that his own parents were such dickheads.

Axel’s thoughts also turned to feeling irritated that Roxas had chosen to hide in a closet rather than be comforted by Axel. They were friends after all. They got on really well together. Roxas having a low opinion of Axel is what pissed him off the most.

When he was done he joined Roxas on the sofa. He still sat in exactly the same position that Axel had left him in. He seemed to take no notice of Axel as he passed by and sat on his side. The guy wasn’t even paying attention to the show, but just looking down at his phone, apparently willing the universe to let some sort of news come through.

“Rox, what happened?”

Roxas jumped and after some bewildered head rotations found Axel. A pained frown and fresh tears welled up. “Mom got hit by a car.”

“Shit.”

“She’s in the ICU.” The tears rolled.

“She’s getting looked after though, that’s good.”

Roxas gave a weak nod.

Axel didn’t know what to do. “You want anything? Want me to go get your friends to talk to?”

Roxas shook his head.

Axel bit his lip lightly. He felt so useless. It pissed him off that it actually bothered him so much.

“Ax.”

“Mm?”

“Can I… ,” weepy eyes fell away.

“What you need?”

With trembling lip and a tiny voice he squeaked out, “A hug?” 

It gutted Axel. “ ‘Course. Come here.” He stretched his arms out and beckoned Roxas over.

Still clutching his phone Roxas scrambled over to Axel, faced him and straddled his lap. Arms went around Axel’s torso, under armpits and Roxas tucked his chin in the crook of Axel’s neck.

Axel folded his arms around Roxas’ back, rubbing gently, and held him close.

Roxas shook with tiny sobs from time to time. Axel kept rubbing and patting his back, tightening his hold around Roxas every time he felt him shake. This was miserable. Axel was exhausted and irritated. He thought of the work he should be doing, but the thought of leaving Roxas to his own devices caused an uncomfortable sickness to well inside his chest. So he stayed put.

Eventually Roxas’ breathing evened out, and Axel wondered if he had actually fallen asleep. He was certainly feeling himself doze off too. The program that had been on was long over, and some teleshopping show was running instead. There were only so many floral plates Axel could look at before he would lose his mind.

There was a buzzing from behind Axel’s head. Roxas stirred gently, and then his movements became sharp. Axel let go and Roxas was on his feet.

“Dad! How’s mom? What’s been happening?” Roxas paced up and down the room as he listened intently and made small humming sounds.

Axel got up and stretched out his stiff joints. He also turned off the television, and hoped he wouldn’t have floral nightmares tonight.

“Yeah, okay.” - “Mmhmm.” - “But what if something happens?” - “Dad!” - “Fine.” - “I love you too. Night.” Roxas sounded excessively grumpy before softening up again and hanging up the phone.

Axel looked at him and got a response without having to ask, “She’s still in ICU - and in a critical state - but they stabilized her. She should be okay?” 

“That’s a relief.”

“Yeah. Thank fuck.” Roxas exhaled and then suddenly crumpled to the floor and crouched. 

Axel approached and knelt next to him, rubbing his back. “C’mon. It’s been a fucking long night. Brush your teeth, turn your phone off and go to bed.”

“That’s exactly what my dad said. You’re such a fucking parent, Axel.”

It made him chuckle. “Must mean I’m super wise then, and you should listen to me and your dad.” He patted Roxas and they both rose together.

Roxas went into the bathroom and Axel retreated to his own room, throwing his project a forlorn look. He’d have to catch up on the weekend. What a fucking pain in the butt. He shut everything down, stripped and put on his flannel pajama bottoms.

In the meantime he had heard Roxas leave the bathroom and throw out a, “Night, Axel.”

“Night, Rox. Get some sleep,” but he received no response.

He went to the bathroom, washed his face and brushed his teeth. He was glad Roxas had gotten _some_ good news or the night would probably have been completely lost. He didn’t like seeing Roxas upset. He liked him being happy, or grumpy, or stressed, or horny. Definitely horny, and definitely not upset. Axel pouted at himself in the mirror, and briefly lamented how pear-shaped the whole evening had gotten.

He left, but before heading for his bed he decided to check in one more time with Roxas. He knocked gently and pushed the door open. Roxas’ room was dark, but Axel could still see that sad face illuminated by the phone's backlight. It made Axel frown. He was supposed to be sleeping.

“Rox, put that away.”

Roxas dropped the phone, somewhat startled. “Huh? What you doing here?” he got out with aggravation. 

“Was checking if you needed anything before I turn in.”

“Nothing.” Roxas went back to staring at his phone.

Axel grumbled. “Whatever then,” and pulled the door shut, but before he got it completely closed -

“Ax -”

He opened the gap a little wider again. “What?”

Roxas sat up. “Uh - can you… can I ask a favor?”

“Ah, sure. What’s up?”

“I -” a very long pause followed before, “I don’t want to be alone,” was mumbled.

Axel pushed the smile back down before it could settle on his face. “Fine. But I’m not sleeping in your bed. You come over to my room. And leave your phone here, or no admittance.”

Axel left Roxas to ponder what was more important to him - being attached to his phone, or snuggling with a human being - and lay down in his comfortable and somewhat bigger bed.

His door creaked open a few minutes later. He still hadn’t fixed it - and realistically probably never would. Axel lifted blanket and Roxas crawled in, pushing his body against Axel and pressed his face against his chest.

“Thanks.”

“Mm, it’s fine.” Axel wrapped an arm around Roxas and rested his chin atop of his head. This was so not something Axel ever did with anyone - but it was nice. Or would have been, if Roxas wasn’t so damn restless.

Roxas fidgeted, and shifted way too much. Axel wondered if this is what sleeping with him would be like, or if it was just that today was completely fucked up. “Can you just be still?” he snapped.

“Sorry. This was a bad idea. I'll go and let you get some sleep.” Roxas made to leave but Axel pulled him back down.

“No. Stay. How 'bout you tell me something about your mom?”

“Really?”

“Mm.”

Roxas snuggled back down against Axel, which made him smile. Roxas was adorable when he was being cuddly.

“Well… she used to work a lot. I spent more time with dad during the week. But she always made time on weekends. We’d go visit the beach. Build little castles and dig holes as deep as we could. She always let me bury her in them afterwards. And then dad would spend ages digging her out again,” he laughed but also sniffled and rubbed his face against Axel’s chest.

Axel ran his hand through Roxas’ hair, rubbing gently and holding him close. “Sounds fun.”

“It was. And then at the end of the day we’d all eat ice cream while we watched the sun set over the ocean. And then I slept and slept until I woke up in my bed at home.” Roxas squeezed Axel a little. “I hope she’ll be okay.”

“I’m sure she is.”

Roxas began shaking softly with tears. Axel made another attempt at hushing sounds and pressed kisses into his hair.

Roxas settled down again. “What about your mom?” he asked gently.

The instinct was to bite and tell Roxas to mind his own business, but Axel managed to cool it. “Well you know I don’t like my parents.”

“Yeah.”

“She was also always busy. But never made time. I always felt like an inconvenience for being born or something. Like everything was my fault, until I realized it wasn’t.”

“Did you ever do anything nice together as a family?”

Axel breathed out and thought hard. The past felt like an impenetrable fog. Not much stood out, except the times spent in front of the television - getting the odd praise from both his parents for doing well - and Roxas giving him that stuff at his graduation. Something swelled inside, and Axel hugged Roxas tight.

Roxas squeezed back in response and Axel felt a kiss press to his chest. He gave one back, planting it on Roxas’ hair. “We might have gone to visit my grandparents once for Christmas - the year I started middle school. I think nobody actually argued that year. That’s the only thing I’ve got.”

“That sucks.”

“It’s long gone. All good now. I’m living my life and no longer reliant on them for anything.”

“You happier?”

“Loads.”

“Good,” Roxas said quietly and yawned a little.

Axel ran fingers through Roxas’ hair and began humming a tune which had floated into his head. Roxas’ body grew softer as he relaxed.

“Thanks for being here, Axel.”

It made him smile. “No worries. Night, Rox.”

“Night, Ax,” he mumbled and fell silent, breathing deep and slow.

Axel however wasn’t quite so lucky. He stayed awake for a while, thinking about his family and about why he was being so nice to Roxas. Had any of his other friends been so sooky, Axel would have given them some tough love. But Roxas was a bit of a delicate flower so he needed to pander to him. The only conclusion he could find was that it was important to keep his roommate happy so they could continue having amazing sex on a regular basis.

Once he made peace with that being a valid excuse, he got to sleep.


	11. Dawning Realizations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It hits them both really hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second last chapter.
> 
> Explicit content below.

Roxas went away after a few days to be with his parents. Axel kept in touch with him through social media. He didn’t ask him about his mother. Sure he checked in sometimes -

**Axel:** How’s she doing?  
  
Roxas  
**Roxas:** Getting better.  
  


But Axel figured Roxas would have lots of people asking him and didn’t want to be another one of them to remind Roxas of how shit life was right now. So he sent text messages providing commentary on the latest episode of the sitcom they had been watching. He messaged him about everything else they had found fun together too. He also sent screenshots of the progress he was making on some of their models, as well as linking Roxas to videos of some of Axel’s failed aerodynamic test demos. Some of them had been pretty spectacular and were worth sharing.

Their communication was all text-based, but Axel was sure that Roxas was getting a kick out of it, judging by all the varied laugh emojis he managed to string together most days.

Axel felt proud of himself for being a good friend to Roxas. But sometimes he also felt antsy when he got no response for several hours or even a day.

When there was no response days seemed to crawl by painfully slow. Axel’s dorm felt empty and boring. He had no real interest in sex, so didn’t bother with Demyx or Larxene. It netted him relentless teasing over lunch, but he stuck to his ‘busy catching up with work’ spiel. Although it was _very_ true, no one bought it. Some days when Axel was looking forlornly at his phone he didn’t believe it either.

He’d never go as far as saying he loved Roxas, but he certainly missed him, and a good portion of his day was spent thinking of ways to cheer Roxas up.

He was at his library shift, packing away books when he found a hilarious title he thought Roxas might get a good chuckle out of. He snapped a photo, shelved it and moved on to the next aisle.

The library was quiet at this time of night. Axel approved, as there were fewer people to harass him, asking him stupid things.

“Excuse me, could you show me where the sex ed. books are kept?”

It would have been irritating, but that voice… Axel's heart raced a little. He managed to turn around wearing a smirk, instead of a dopey grin. “We got none in this library, but I can give you a first-hand demonstration.”

Roxas was grinning back at him and stepped closer. “I'd like that.”

* * *

 

Roxas had been miserable the last two weeks. Having seen his mom in hospital had sent him straight into shock, and then he had spent every waking moment by her side. 

His mom was doing much better now though, so she and his dad had encouraged Roxas to go back to University, so he didn't fall too far behind.

Coursework had been the furthest from his mind but he acquiesced with his parent's wishes. In part, because he loved them and knew they wanted the best for him, but he also returned in large part so he could be with Axel again.

He had missed the man's physical presence. The sex had been mind-blowingly good, but it was also so much more than that. It was the silly jokes, snide remarks, and genuinely engaging conversations they shared, which Roxas had noticed the absence of. 

The messages from Axel had been Roxas’ highlight of his day. At least one each day. Always something new and fun to take his mind off the grim reality staring him in the face.

His mother had noticed the way he lit up when his phone went off. She had asked him if there was anyone special in Roxas’ life, over which he had felt mighty embarrassment. He had said no, while his heart had whispered 'maybe’.

Roxas hadn't thought to ever seriously consider that notion though - and he still didn't want to name it, or even label what it might be. But thoughts and some fluttering feelings had bounced around ever since that night he had gotten that awful news from his father.

He had cried and cried and screamed and cried some more and then hid away when he had heard Axel come back. He had been terrified and angry thinking of what Axel's response would be. But when he had been found Axel had done the last thing Roxas had ever expected.

And Roxas had continued to be surprised over the last two weeks he had been away for. And if this was Axel reaching out to be friends with him then Roxas never wanted it to end.

In truth he felt a little apprehensive coming back to his University life and Axel. A part of him whispered that this was just temporary; Axel would revert back to his dickish asshole ways. Axel was just being polite in Roxas’ time of need. 

Yet he was still glad to be back right now. 

He stepped up to Axel as close as he dared and was instantly engulfed by arms and pulled into a hug. Roxas reciprocated and breathed in Axel's warm scent. He had missed his aftershave. He had missed his long limbs and soft hair. Negative feelings and paranoid thoughts evaporated.

“I'll be done with work in another hour,” Axel informed as he pulled away.

“I was kinda hoping you'd show me that closet under the basement stairs.”

Axel's brows arched. “Oh really? You missed me that much that you can't even wait?”

“Yeah. I've come prepared.” Roxas had gone to their dorm to get supplies before coming down. He pulled out two condoms to show Axel, and patted his coat pocket. “I've also packed the lube.”

Axel bit his lip and looked Roxas up and down. Roxas knew that look by now and he couldn't stop the smile.

Axel pushed his trolley to one of the far-flung corners of the library, and led the way down the flight of stairs while he chatted with Roxas.

“Why didn't you tell me you were coming back today? I could have cooked some amazing food for us to possibly get food poisoning from together.”

“You're so romantic. Isn't it obvious? I wanted to surprise you.”

“Who's being all romantic now, huh?”

Roxas was all grins. Joking about it was fine. It didn't mean anything. “Definitely not me. I'm just here for a quick fuck.”

“Awww, only a quick one?”

“Yeah. In and out.”

“Who's gonna be in who today?”

“Up to you,” Roxas shrugged. As long as he could be in close proximity to Axel it didn't really matter.

“Hmm, tough call.” They had finally reached the basement. Axel unlocked the closet door and held it open. “After you, monsieur. Only the finest quarters will do for his highness.”

Roxas gave a gracefully dismissive wave, stuck his nose into the air and stepped through. 

It was a spacious enough closet. There were shelving units stacked with cleaning supplies, a couple of upturned empty milk crates to perhaps sit on, and not much else.

“Lap of luxury right here,” he observed.

“Only the best for you.” Axel closed the door behind himself.

The room was cold and dank. “It's pretty sound proof in here, but we probably should still keep it down. The stairwell echoes.”

“You mean _you_ keep it down. I can be quiet as a mouse if I have to be.” Roxas knew Axel would jump at that baiting, and he did.

“We'll see about that.”

Warm body pressed against Roxas and a kiss was placed to lips.

Roxas had missed the feel, smell, and taste of Axel. Their mouths were instantly open and deep longing kisses we exchanged. Axel stroked the inside of Roxas’ mouth like he had learned that Roxas enjoyed. And Roxas nipped, pushed and roughed Axel up the way he knew Axel liked best.

Axel pushed Roxas, forcing them both to shuffle until Roxas hit a wall with his back. A bucket clattered to the floor, but both men ignored it.

Roxas became completely lost in the feel of Axel. Heat, smell and pressure were all exquisite. He was already inside of Axel's shirt, having unbuttoned his work uniform rapidly. He pulled on nipple ring, tweaking and twisting it in the way which made Axel thrust against him and moan into his throat as they kissed.

Axel had meanwhile dug into Roxas’ coat and pulled out the lubricant with one hand, while the other had been kept busy undoing their flies.

Pants and undergarments were slid and pushed down. Axel's hand cupped Roxas and massaged, making him abandon hot mouth so he could moan into Axel's ear the way he knew Axel found really sexy.

Lube was applied to fingers, legs spread a little further and then Axel pushed into Roxas, stretching and preparing him.

“Guess I'm getting fucked tonight, huh?”

“It's the least I can do for the subpar lodgings, your highness.”

Roxas hummed in approval. “Very well, proceed.”

Roxas had never done it standing up against a wall. He didn't know the logistics of it, but he looked forward to finding out. That was part of the fun of being with Axel - there was always some new experience to have.

Axel slid condoms on the both of them and then roughly pushed Roxas against the cold wall. He began biting Roxas’ neck and lifting him up a little, by pushing his knee between legs. 

“Hold on to me, babe,” Axel instructed. Roxas anchored elbows on shoulders and felt arms wind under his thighs. Roxas was lifted up a little and Axel pushed his hips forward until the head of his penis was pushing against Roxas’ anus.

“You ready?”

Roxas loved the care Axel always seemed to take with him. He nodded and breathed out a, “Yeah.” He relaxed against the sensation of Axel's hard erection sliding into him. Simultaneously a moan slid out and Roxas muttered, “I've missed your cock.”

“Fuck, Rox. I've missed your arse,” Axel mumbled with pleasure. He began gently rocking in and out of Roxas, stimulating him and also rubbing against his erection with his abdomen.

Roxas loved the feel of being penetrated, whilst having firm pressure against his cock.

Roxas moaned louder and louder as Axel pushed and angled forward, hitting his bundle of nerves.

“How much have you missed me, Roxas?” Axel strained through the pressure of holding him up and pumping into him.

“Too fucking much. Fucking love your cock. “

“Yeah, babe. You love me in you.”

“Fuck me more, Ax. Harder. Grind into me. I need you.” Roxas bit and sucked on Axel's neck.

Axel held on tight to Roxas, squeezing his muscles. His hips thrust more. Axel pulled out and pushed in with more force. A low rumbling growl started to emanate from Axel as he worked Roxas’ arse with ferocity.

Sweat beaded on both their brows. Roxas just let the wave of pleasure cascade out of his throat as he was edging closer to his climax.

“Come, Rox. Let me feel you come.”

“Axel, I - fucking -” 

Axel's growl in Roxas ear and the pressure of - everything - got to him. He released himself, with a loud grunt. Tension he'd been holding for two weeks evaporated and shook loose.

Axel moaned in satisfaction and pumped into Roxas at a more shallow angle as he was brought to his orgasm by Roxas clenching all around him. “Rox, Roxy baby. Fuck - your arse - fuck I love you. God,” Axel moaned and panted while he kept rocking into Roxas, but also simultaneously melting towards the floor.

The words almost froze Roxas, except that he kept having post-climax shivers roll through his core. Axel didn't mean it. He said all kinds of shit when he came. But for a brief moment, Roxas savored the sound of it, even if there was no meaning behind it.

* * *

 

That first official day back at University actually felt great for Roxas. There was comfort in having a routine - joy in seeing his friend again - and satisfaction in spending the evening with Axel.

It all served as a good distraction from fretting about his mother. She was over the worst of it now, but there were possible unknown long term ramifications, which weighed on Roxas. So it was good to get lost in the feel and taste of Axel for an hour. But then he was left alone again in his bed to dream of horrific things.

He had lost something. There was an overwhelming feeling of bleakness and despair. He kept hearing loud sounds of things crashing and sirens wailing, and the non-stop pressure of impending doom all around him. He woke up screaming and drenched in sweat. Heart raced and lungs burned. A touch at his side made him jump.

Familiar voice broke the ringing silence, “Rox, are you okay?”

The ferocity with which his heart pounded against chest was almost painful. His arms trembled, but he pushed shaking hand to his forehead and swept hair back to get some cooler air on himself. “Yeah. Just a bad dream.”

“Sounded more like you were being murdered.”

“It's been happening on and off for the last two weeks. But I thought it was getting better.” Roxas dropped back down against his damp pillow and stared at the ceiling.

“Is it 'cause of your mom?”

“Yeah,” he exhaled. Even his breath was trembling. “Sorry to wake you.”

Axel shrugged. “I wasn’t sleeping all that great anyway.”

Eyes tore from the ceiling and settled on Axel above him. “Why not?” 

“Probably just stress. You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah. Sorry again.”

Axel brushed it off and swept some of the more stubborn wet bangs out of Roxas face. “No sweat.” He chuckled a little and Roxas gave him a disapproving grumble.

“Well try and get some sleep, kay?”

“Yeah,” Roxas nodded and they said their goodnights once more for that evening.

As the nights passed Roxas continued to have bad dreams though. And Axel continued to be there when he awoke. It was comforting, and seeing his face in the gloom became a relief.

The fourth night in a row Axel stated the obvious, “This is becoming ridiculous.”

“Sorry,” was the only muttered response Roxas could think of.

“We've tried really hard, exhausting sex. Tried calming meditation stuff and soothing teas. This aromatic bag shit isn't helping either.” Axel pulled the bag full of weird herbs out from under Roxas’ pillow.

“Yeah. Kinda seems pointless. But… thanks for going to all this effort for me, Ax.” 

“Hey, what's good for you is also good for me. We could use some decent sleep.”

“Yeah, we could,” Roxas lamented. “I'm sure it will get better soon. And if nothing's changed in another week I'll go see a doctor.”

Axel shifted and seated himself fully on Roxas bed, instead of just sitting on the edge. He leaned back against the headboard and looked down at Roxas laying beside him. “What did you used to do as a kid when you had nightmares? You must have had some, right?”

Roxas cast his mind back to when he was much younger. “I think I always went crying to my parents. Or they heard me and were there when I woke up and stayed until I fell asleep again. What about you?”

Axel was quiet for a while. A slight hitch of breath signaled that he was about to speak. “I used to sneak into my parent's bedroom with my blanket and pillow and sleep at the foot of their bed.”

“What? Really?”

“Mm. But mom wasn't happy to find me there in the mornings, so she bought a lock for their bedroom.”

Roxas sometimes tried to imagine what it must have been like to have cold parents. He could never fathom it. “Why would your mom do that?” 

“Guess she wanted to be left alone?”

“Ah man, that sucks.”

Axel shrugged.

“So what did you do after that?”

“After… I think dad got me a large stuffed toy that I was supposed to hug and feel better from.”

“Did it work?

Axel thought for a bit. “I think so. Or I just got over it all and sucked up the bad dreams, since I couldn't really go and do anything about them.”

Roxas lay his hand on Axel's stomach and rubbed, in an attempt to be comforting. “Why did you get stuck with such a shit mom?”

Axel laughed at that. “Bet she thought the same about me.”

Roxas tilted his face up to look at Axel through the darkness. “No, that can't be true.”

“Eh, I think it is. I know she always resented having me. I was an accident, and where she lived abortions weren't a thing anyone of good standing ever did. She was pretty resentful of my dad too for getting her pregnant. They had to marry to not cause a scandal.”

“Wow. Really?”

“Yeah, really. When she got really pissed off she’d tell me all about it.”

“Man, Ax. That fucking sucks.”

“I know. But I turned out all right… right?”

Roxas saw the sad smile which was given to him in the dark. It grew a lump in his chest. “Totally. You’re a good guy when you want to be. Thanks for being here for me. I know the last couple of weeks have been so shit.”

“It's fine. Nothing a couple of friends wouldn't do for each other, right?”

“Right.” But Roxas felt somewhat uncertain. Axel’s support had been mind-blowing. He had been doing an awful lot of _caring_ for someone who claimed to not be into that kind of stuff - even where friends were concerned.

Axel was stroking Roxas’ head and staring out into the room. Roxas wriggled his fingers under Axel’s shirt and stroked at soft, warm skin, while he thought about how much he liked having Axel next to him. It was so comforting to not be alone. It helped to melt away the lingering tendrils of the bad dreams.

“Do you wanna try sleeping together?” Axel said quietly after a while.

Roxas clicked his eyebrow at that. “We already tried lots of sex. Remember?”

“No, I mean actually sleeping together. It's the one thing we haven't tried, and sounds like it worked for you in the past - you know - having your parents next to you.”

The suggestion made excitement bubble. He pushed to get his next words out with as little enthusiasm as possible. “Yeah, I guess it's worth a shot.” 

“Cool. And if you get a bad dream, at least I don't have to get up to check on you. I can just smother you with minimal effort,” Axel smiled sweetly, grabbed a pillow and pushed it gently against Roxas’ face for half a second before removing it again.

Roxas huffed a little with amusement. “Thanks.” 

“You're completely welcome.”

They looked at each other. Roxas didn’t know what to do. But luckily Axel did. “So, c’mon. Off to my bed we go to start the experiment.” He threw clammy sheets off Roxas and grabbed his arm, pulling him along to his bedroom.

* * *

 

Roxas did, in fact, sleep better. He still had uncomfortable dreams which shook him awake, but a comforting arm was immediately around his waist, pulling him against corporeal form and soothing his racing heart.

“I’ve got you, babe. Go back to sleep,” Axel would mutter into his ear and then nuzzle the back of Roxas’ head.

It was so nice. Even when he woke up with the occasional pillow pressed against his face in the mornings. Axel claimed it was his morning wake up ritual. That inevitably always ended up with them in a pillow fight, with the loser being whoever got incapacitated by laughing too hard to continue hitting. It was usually Roxas, and Axel would gloat above him, claiming a kiss as his victory.

Roxas definitely let him win on purpose.

This went on for several weeks. Roxas’ mother continued to improve, and with it did his sleep. The sense of dread left him, but a new worry flourished. He was probably overstaying his welcome in Axel’s bed. 

Whenever Axel asked him, “How’d you sleep?”, or when he remarked, “You don’t wake up all sweaty anymore,” Roxas felt the guilt dig into him. And as ridiculous as the notion seemed, Roxas felt like Axel was just being polite, on account of Roxas having had a rough time lately. Axel probably wanted Roxas out of his bed as soon as possible.

It made Roxas uncomfortable because he didn’t really want to go back to sleeping alone. But he felt he was running out of valid excuses. Axel would surely notice very soon that Roxas was sleeping soundly with no trace of night terrors. It made him feel deceptive, and he wasn't a fan of being that way. 

And on top of all this, Roxas also saw a lot less of Larxene and Demyx. He felt like he was imposing on Axel’s life, and although he liked all the attention being solely focused on him, he thought it unfair to play at being sick and disturbed when he was definitely well again.

Worst of all there was the awkward problem of his growing feelings for Axel. Roxas had been trying to ignore how nice it felt to be with Axel. Ignore the warm comfort and how it washed over him when they lay in bed together, or on the sofa, or when they ate a meal together or mucked around. He was starting to feel that Axel was his favorite person to spend time with. And he didn’t want to give it up… but again he was being deceptive, and he worried about breaking his own heart again like he had with Riku if he didn’t put a stop to this.

So the decision had to be made -

* * *

 

 

Having Roxas back to fill the empty space of the dorm was great. Even with all the sleep interruptions. But Axel praised himself every night he went to sleep with Roxas curled up in his arms. Winter was coming and Axel hated the cold. So having the extra body heat there was brilliant. Plus they could have sex every evening, without the discomfort of having to move to their respective rooms afterward. There wasn’t even a need to put on clothes.

Axel felt hornier then he had in years. Roxas was some kinky mix between his two friends - sinfully domineering one day, and angelically passive the next. Axel never knew what he was going to get, which was crazy exciting.

Days and weeks passed in this manner. Larxene gave him questioning eyebrow raises at lunchtime. He kept the conversations as far away from the topic of his roommate as he could because when his friends asked him or talked about what was happening there, Axel felt uncomfortable. He didn’t have an answer as to why he was so tolerant towards Roxas. He had let slip that Roxas was experiencing nightmares when Larxene had been very adamant in getting a response from him as to why she couldn’t come over for a late night screw.

That had opened the usual can-of-worms of wild speculation and teasing. None of it was true though. Axel knew it wasn’t true and to hell with all his friends.

Roxas was just a friend. An amazingly sexy friend, who was worth trying to keep around. Other than the shit which had irritated him in the beginning of them living together, Roxas was a lot lower maintenance than his other friends. They just got on really great together. No weird temper tantrums - no stroking of egos and pandering to. Just a lot of stroking of other things, and laughing together, and actually being able to watch shit he liked because Roxas liked the same stuff.

Things were really nice. Roxas slept a whole lot better, for which Axel was entirely happy to take complete credit for. And even his own sleep had improved, due to satisfying, stress-relieving good-quality sex, and a toasty bed. 

They had just had one of the aforementioned sexy times. Axel pulled the butt-plug out of Roxas and lay back down next to him. Roxas still struggled to get his breathing under control and shivered from his orgasm from time to time, but he got out, “Axel, I might go try sleeping in my own bed tonight.”

The hazy pleasure Axel loved basking in slipped away slightly. “Oh, you sleeping a lot better now? If not you can stay here. It’s fine.”

“I think I’m okay now. But, if I have any more relapses I’ll come back… if that’s okay with you.”

Of course it was. Would it be weird to tell Roxas that he could stay in his bed no matter what? It probably was. “Yeah, guess it’ll be okay.”

“Thanks,” he mumbled and sat up, working on peeling his soiled condom off.

“Hey ah - I haven’t asked you in a while but… How’re the feelings doing? Do I need to ramp up my assholishness?” He didn’t know why it had popped into his head just then.

Roxas grumbled. “Don't touch your asshole. It's perfect how it is.”

“So’s your cock,” Axel smiled and rolled over to look at Roxas. The aftermath of his orgasm and memory of what they had just done reignited the pulse through his body. The fact that Roxas had no qualms about taking Axel was one very appealing feature of them having sex together. Demyx was always irritatingly squeamish.

“Thanks.” Roxas put his condom in the bin, stretched out, and rolled onto his side as well. They were nose to nose, smiling at each other. “My feelings for you are fine.”

Axel ran his finger over lips. Why was Roxas so damn kissable? He leaned in and did just that, while he continued to trail hand down Roxas’ chest and abdomen. 

All the heat had gone out of their kiss, but even the slow, unhurried sucking was nice, and maybe even sensual. 

Roxas hummed with pleasure, and Axel wondered if Roxas’ past experiences compared to what they did together. Axel wanted to be the best fuck in Roxas’ life. And that thought inevitably lead to blurting out stupid shit. “How's the Riku situation?”

The heavy sigh said it all really, but Axel listened anyway, “Still the same. I feel less grouchy now that I've got this thing going with you, but I think I still wish… well, you know.”

“For a relationship?”

“Mm.” Roxas’ eyes narrowed and he pulled away a little.

It irritated Axel and he probably glared a little too much for what was supposed to be an impartial disposition. “Why’re you still so hung up about him?”

“Dunno. Maybe 'cause of the sex?” Roxas closed the distance between them again and kissed Axel's neck.

Axel rubbed his face against Roxas’ hair. “You're being stupid again.”

“Hey!” Roxas pulled back and pouted.

“C’mon, you are. You can't be hung up on someone just 'cause you've had sex with them. We've been going at it like mad for months and you're not in love with me, right?,” Axel laughed, heart pounding a little harder than usual.

Roxas breathed in sharply and frowned into nothingness. “Yeah. Guess you're right. You're a great friend. Just how I always thought you'd be. Though - with way more sex. Never thought about sex with you until this year.” Eyes lifted to look at Axel once more.

 _Great friend_. That was Axel through and through. It squeezed his chest a little, however. “No perverted little Roxas, huh?”

“Nah, but I'm trying to make up for it now,” he flashed a smile.

“You're doing a great job keeping up with me.”

“Thanks, sex fiend.”

That made Axel laugh. He captured Roxas’ lips for another quick kiss.

Roxas licked at him and then Axel could see the thoughts churning away in his head.

“Spending so much time with you isn’t really helping my friendship situation though. - With Sora and Riku, I mean.”

Of course. What else would Roxas mean? Axel patted Roxas’ cheek. “But I thought you wanted to avoid them to make your feelings go away.”

“Yeah, but I have to hang out with them in my spare time.”

“Do you? You could always hang with me and my friends over lunch.”

Roxas blinked at Axel silently for a few moments, before starting again, “I ah - I actually _like_ hanging out with them though. It’s not like I hate them. It would just be better if I didn’t feel jealous every time they did something cute together. I miss being happy for them. And I don’t like being the kind of guy I am when I’m around them.”

“What’s that look like?”

“Moody, irritated. Just can’t laugh at things I’d normally laugh at. And all-around terrible friend. That’s not me. That’s not who I wanna be.”

“Man, I feel exhausted just listening to you. I was under the impression it should be easier to get along if you really like someone.”

“Well it wasn’t any effort until my head went all stupid and I started wanting an exclusive relationship with Riku.”

“Do you still want that?”

Roxas thought for a while. “I think - it’s not so bad anymore? And… I think I need to spend more time with them, so I can get used to how things are. And maybe see more of Riku’s unappealing side. Like you have with Larx, Dem and me, you know. Build my feelings immunity,” he smiled.

Axel grinned back. “I’m so proud of my little pupil. You’ve come such a long way.” He pinched Roxas’ cheek and wondered what Roxas’ unappealing features were. He couldn’t recall them quite as clearly as he once probably had been able to do.

Roxas swatted hand away, all the while smiling. It made Axel want to pinch him more… and he did.

“Hey cut it out.”

“Make me, sweet-stuff.” He used his other hand to get more pinching in. 

Roxas squeaked a little and jumped up on top of Axel, beginning to pinch him back all over. Axel tried to defend himself. He caught Roxas’ wrists after some struggling, raised the man’s arms above his head and rolled them both over so he was on top of Roxas, straddling him and keeping arms pinned above his head.

“Unfair advantage,” Roxas decried.

“How so?”

“Your arms are longer.”

“That’s called genetic superiority, short stuff,” he smirked and began sniggering as Roxas protested by shaking and squirming with his entire body, but Axel wasn’t to be deterred.

“Give it up. When you’re pinned, you’re pinned. Besides, I spent enough time on the bottom today. Time to turn the tables.” Still holding Roxas’ hands above with one hand, he ran his other down Roxas’ body.

“You good to go again,” Roxas huffed and shivered against Axel’s touch.

Axel pushed his hips against Roxas, drawing his attention down to his growing erection. 

Roxas licked his lips at the sight. “My arse is still tender from the plug.”

“I’ll be gentle.” Axel leaned down and kissed Roxas, releasing his grip on the other man. Arms wound around Axel’s back, drawing him down and their chests together. Kisses were gentle but grew in ferocity. Axel worked his tongue into Roxas’ mouth.

But arms suddenly gripped tighter and Axel was flipped onto his back once more. Roxas wore a triumphant and cocky grin.

“Aww, c’mon, Rox. Let me come in your butt.”

“No. I’m way too sore. You’re gonna have to wait until tomorrow.”

Axel cast an eye over to his LCD clock. “It’s gonna be tomorrow in a few minutes.”

Roxas followed the look. “Well damn.”

“Damn indeed. You like me in your butt anyway. So don’t fight it. I’ll give you a nice gentle rim job.” Axel hummed in approval as he saw the pleasant shiver and heard the sigh go through Roxas at the mention of it.

“Yeah, I know how to turn you on,” Axel cooed, feeling hungrier for Roxas by the second. He bucked his hips a little, being well aware that his growing erection was already pushing against Roxas’ backside.

“Shut up, you dumbass.” Roxas’ face flushed a little.

Axel gave him a dopey grin, netting him a hand in his face. But it was too late. Axel had seen the embarrassed smile on Roxas’ face. Axel pried the hand off himself but didn't let go. He placed a kiss to Roxas’ palm and trailed up his arm, pulling himself up to a seated position, and continued to kiss along shoulder, neck, and finishing on lips.

Slowly their lips and tongues moved together. Axel leaned into Roxas, and maneuvering him gently down against the mattress. He loved kissing Roxas. He loved sleeping with him. It was odd, and he couldn’t explain why, but that’s what it was.

Axel trailed his hand down Roxas’ body, towards his anus, to see if any lubricant was still left, but Roxas intervened before Axel could work his hands too far down. He broke the kiss and smacked his reddened lips. 

“It’s not tomorrow yet.”

“C’mon, don’t be such a stickler for rules. I thought better of you than being like this,” he teased.

“You thought wrong then.”

Axel looked at his clock again. “My clocks running slow, actually.”

“It’s synced via the internet, dumbass.”

Axel frowned while Roxas smirked.

“So… ,” Axel looked for something to say. 

“So?”

“You really gonna spend more time with your friends?”

“Yeah.”

“Well if you think it’s gonna help you then I guess go and do it.”

“I don’t need your approval.”

“You get it anyway.” Axel quickly dipped down for a kiss and pulled on Roxas’ bottom lip as he came back up.

Roxas sighed. “Well, thanks. I think this will be better for me. And then you can also have more time with Larxene and Demyx. They haven’t been around in ages. I feel like I’m hogging you.”

He wondered for a moment if he should tell Roxas that he didn’t mind being hogged - at all - but decided against it. “You are. But there’s been extenuating circumstances, so it’s a sacrifice I was willing to make for you.”

“Your sacrifice does not go unnoticed,” Roxas said solemnly and brushed hands against Axel’s arms.

“Can I get a reward then? I think it’s only fair.”

Roxas glanced at the clock again. “All right. You get a two-minute early mark.”

Axel beamed and got to work.

* * *

 

Roxas started being around less in the afternoons and evenings. He still came home and usually had dinner with Axel but things were different. And annoyingly so. Because Roxas was spending more time with his friends he ended up spending more time doing coursework when he was at home, which translated into less time spent messing around with Axel and having fun together.

Some evenings when he caught Roxas coming back in, he'd ask how it had been.

Roxas responded saying that it had been fine. He never mentioned the hot sex he was probably having.

Axel was dying to know but also didn't at the same time. Why’d it have to be _Riku_ of all people? And why was it so irritating to begin with?

Axel, rather disgruntled, asked Larxene around more frequently again, to help distract himself. The Roxas situation was irritating him so much that he even asked her over when he knew that Roxas would be home. But things were different with her too. Axel didn’t feel like his heart was all the way into it anymore. He was far more content to use his fingers and tongue on her, as much as he didn’t enjoy it. When she really complained about wanting Axel to push into her, he could mostly get away with using a toy from his drawer.

But it was becoming evident that a lot of things were just off.

“What the hell is wrong with you? You used to call me all the time, telling me to come over.”

“You’ve finally gotten old and boring, Larx.” Axel dodged the shoe that flew his way as Larxene was redressing.

“Look what you did. You were supposed to take that to the face so it would bounce back to me. Go fetch my shoe.”

Axel groaned and crawled over to the other side of his bed to find where it had landed.

“You’ve been weird ever since Roxas has been fucking with you and had those nightmares n’ shit.”

Axel had never heard her complain so much, with such intensity. He didn’t want to, but the fleeting thought did cross his mind that maybe Roxas was right - and she had caught feelings for him or some shit like that. But it seemed too ridiculous a notion to properly entertain. “Rox is just really satisfying.” Axel found the shoe and stretched for it, not wanting to leave his bed. He received a sudden sharp slap on his backside. “Ow.”

“So it’s finally happened.”

“What?” he got back up, having successfully retrieved the item.

“You’ve _actually_ fallen for someone.”

Axel threw the shoe back at her. “Shut your face. The only thing that’s happened is that he’s better at sex than you.”

“You gonna fuck him when I leave? Is that why you’re saving yourself?”

Axel sighed. “It’s not like that.”

“I think it is.”

“I don’t give a shit what you think.”

“I know that. But I wanna know so that I can decide what I’m gonna do about this. I love a good root, Axel. If I have to be on the hunt for someone else, have some decency to give me some notice before you cut me off completely. This sporadic shit is far too unreliable.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Whatever your face. I’m outta here to leave you to your lover-boy.” She slipped on her shoe and headed out, leaving Axel’s door wide open. 

Axel heard her say, “ _He’s all yours,_ ” as she left and a few moments later the front door opened and slammed shut.

He threw himself back against his pillows and grabbed his water bottle so he could get her taste out of his mouth.

“Lover-boy,” he muttered to himself. “What’s she even know.” It was _nothing_ like that. Roxas was a trouble-free and good fuck. He was a buddy. Axel had just been tending to him to keep Roxas around for the convenience. So what if he was tolerable in large doses? It definitely didn’t mean anything.

A knock sounded at the door. It brought a smile to his face.

Roxas’ head poked around the door. “Ax, what’s she so mad about? Couldn’t you get it up?”

“She’s not mad. And you know I can totally get it up in under a minute.”

“A minute’s for an old man. I’m already hard. You wanna come watch TV?”

Axel’s mood positively soared. “That code?”

“TV is just TV,” Roxas smiled sweetly and disappeared again.

“It’s totally code.” Axel scrambled up and followed Roxas. He caught him just outside his door. Axel pulled at Roxas’ clothes, turning the man around to face him. Roxas slung arms around Axel’s neck, and Axel tucked hands into Roxas’ back pockets.

“It’s totally not code.”

“If that’s true why’re there condoms in your pocket?” Axel pulled out his hand, holding two wrappers. He squeezed Roxas’ buttock with his other hand, which was still firmly embedded in the other pocket.

“Must have just fallen in there.”

“Like I’m about to fall into you?”

Roxas laughed at that. “You’re fucking gross.”

“Better fucking gross than a gross fuck.” Axel kissed Roxas and pushed him until they bumped into the sofa’s armrest, and then continued to push so both of them ended up laying on the sofa.

“Aren’t you spent?” Roxas got out between kisses. His hand was already up Axel’s chest, tweaking at nipple ring, while with the other he traced the curve of Axel’s back.

It gave Axel such a glorious tingling feel all over his body, and made him really hard. “I’ve always got something left for you, Rox.” He started kissing him again and worked on undoing both their pants.

To hell with Larxene. She was wrong. He just hadn’t been turned on enough by her. Roxas on the other hand - completely sexy.

* * *

 

Roxas had been worried about the lack of Axel’s friends in the man's life. He hadn’t seen Demyx or Larxene around since before he went away. On the one hand that had been great. He and Axel had spent all their evenings together, alone. Even if it didn’t result in sex it still ended up with them lying together on the sofa, or sometimes even a bed, with a laptop propped open between the two of them, watching random crap they both enjoyed.

And yet doing those things was bad, because it brought up thoughts of them being exclusive - which, for Roxas, only meant one thing. And that thing was what he couldn’t be thinking about. He couldn’t afford to have the past repeat itself. 

Roxas tried to come up with excused to quieten the anxiety. He told himself that what he and Axel had wasn’t attached to a bunch of baggage. Axel had no one in his life he felt close to. So there was no one to feel jealous over.

That’s what Roxas told himself, which only helped to fuel feelings of exclusivity once more. 

So he decided it was for the best to have Axel’s friends around as much as possible. 

Making himself less available to Axel meant he started seeing - and hearing - more of Larxene around the place. His plan was working but it left Roxas oddly conflicted. On the one hand he didn’t _like_ seeing her around, but on the other - the fact that he didn’t _like_ seeing her around, probably meant it was a good thing he was spending less time at home in Axel’s company.

It’s not like Larxene’s presence seemed to interfere with how much sex he was having with Axel. They usually ended the day hooking up with each other, which made things pretty good for Roxas. The space he was creating between himself and Axel didn’t feel like such a complete cold-turkey cut-off. 

This seemed to be a win-win for everyone. It kept his own feelings in check - he wouldn’t be a burden on Axel - and Sora was completely over the moon when he had been told the news that Roxas wanted to hang out with him and Riku more often. Roxas had nearly passed out from the hug he had received.

So that was Roxas’ new social life. He went and visited Sora and Riku every couple of nights - always after he had made dinner however, so that Axel would have something to eat when he came home. He liked looking after the dipshit, after all.

He hadn’t spent this much time with his two friends since he had moved out, so it felt weird to be back, and it showed in stilted conversations. He hadn’t really opened up to them about anything, other than his mother's near-fatal traffic collision, and that had only been because of his prolonged absence, and not being able to keep the tears and mood hidden when he had been around his friends.

So the first few times he was over it was really about getting to know his friends again, and to hopefully look at them in a new light. Roxas tried to think of Riku as completely out of bounds, and he got distance between himself and Sora every time the man got too physically clingy or cuddly.

It lasted a week before Sora complained. “Why can’t we cuddle? It’s too cold for you to be sitting over there.”

“Sora,” Riku tried, as he sat with his arm slung around his boyfriend, trying to keep him warm.

“It’s fine,” Roxas dismissed. “Look Sora, I really want to hang out with you but for that to happen things can’t be how they were before.”

Sora groaned. “I don’t get why not. What’s wrong with friends cuddling?”

“Nothing. But for some reason it always led to sex.”

“Yeah so?”

“I'm not comfortable with that anymore.”

Roxas caught Sora exchanging a look with Riku.

“Well what if we don’t let it get to sex then? I love cuddles. We can just keep it at that. It makes me sad having you all the way over there.”

Roxas was just sitting on an armchair right next to the sofa. “You’re being super melodramatic.”

Riku ruffled Sora's hair. “Come on, we talked about this, remember? Give him some space.”

“Yeah yeah,” he brushed off and suddenly launched himself at the sofa’s armrest, leaning over it and as close to Roxas as possible. “So how’s Axel?”

“He’s fine.”

“Yeah? Tell me he’s keeping you warm at least.”

“Sora -”

“Shh, shh,” Sora waves at Riku, eyes not leaving Roxas.

Roxas had never told them anything regarding his arrangement with his roommate. “Everything’s fine, Sora,” he tried to dismiss. He wasn’t sure how comfortable he was with divulging how exactly Axel was keeping him warm.

“Must be. You’ve stopped complaining about him, and you keep fobbing me off to spend time with him and do ‘work’,” he quoted with his fingers.

Roxas squinted at Sora. “What’re you implying?”

An evil grin spread. “You like him, don’t you?”

Roxas’ lungs filled with a sudden rush of air. “We get along now. Smoothed out the kinks of living together.”

“So what _are_ his kinks, huh?”

“What? No, it’s not like that.” Since when had Sora become astute? 

“But I think it is.”

“Riku!,” Roxas cried for help.

“No. I’m with Sora on this.”

“Why?”

“Because you seem happier,” Riku stated calmly.

“And with everything that’s happened, something has to be keeping you happy. And I know it’s not us,” Sora pouted playfully. “You can tell us whenever. But just know that we _know_ ,” he finished ominously.

Roxas choose to ignore the conversation and looked back at the television.

“Aww, Riku! Look, he's blushing!” Sora poked Roxas’ cheek, only to have his hand swatted away.

Riku laughed a little. “Yeah, he is. Looks good on you, man.”

“Shh,” Roxas didn't look back but waved at them to be quiet. “I'm trying to watch this show.” There was something nice about his friends thinking that he liked someone other than them.

* * *

 

This instance certainly wasn’t the last Roxas heard about the topic of his love life. Sora was like a dog with a bone.

For the most part Roxas managed to fend off Sora’s exuberantly probing questions when he spent time with his two friends. Sora, after all, was easily distracted. Video games were the easiest way to get past the prodding and taunting. 

During this particular evening the heating was playing up, so they all huddled under a shared blanket while they whiled away several hours trying to best each other in various video games.

Roxas had won a few, as had Riku, but Sora proved to be the king.

"And I expect the two of you to address me as such all of tomorrow," he positively beamed.

"Yes, your liege," they both intoned solemnly.

Sora giggled with delight and extracted himself from the blanket, announcing, "Toilet time. And don't go anywhere Roxas."

"Oh, it's gonna take a while?"

"Yup." He brushed gently against Riku's face before bounding off.

Roxas knew they were going to have sex tonight. And shockingly enough it didn't actually bother him at the moment.

"Sorry, Roxas." Riku readjusted the blanket to plug up the massive draft Sora had created.

"It's fine. I think I'm beginning to feel better about it."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Helps that Sora has stopped inviting me to bed with you guys," he smiled. It was good to have boundaries set up at last.

"It's been a bit of a learning curve for him," Riku looked towards where his boyfriend had vanished, before turned eyes back onto Roxas. "So about Axel… .” 

Roxas groaned inwardly. He was used to this from Sora, but now Riku was in on it as well? "What about him?"

"His name brings a smile to your face," came the careful observation.

Roxas instantly dropped the smile, which made Riku grin softly.

"It's fine. In your own time."

Roxas fiddled with his wireless controller. He had been holding it in for so long that he actually felt like he was bursting to have it come out. The smile return. "I like him."

Riku hummed in response.

 _There_. It hadn’t been so horrible to say that out loud to someone. Roxas let his thoughts settle on Axel, and slowly he began talking more, "We've been having sex, and he even let me sleep with him when I came back from seeing my parents. He's really sweet. I always knew we'd make great friends. I didn't know just how good it could be though."

"Friends? He's not your boyfriend?"

That snapped Roxas out of his soft thoughts. "No. He doesn't do intimate relationships or something. Just friends and hooking up."

"You're fine with that?"

Roxas couldn't lie to Riku. "Given my track record with you, what do you think?" he sighed with slight exasperation. "But you know, I've just got to learn to live with it. Because this is life. I don't get what I want."

"People work hard at getting what they want."

"But even then sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you still can't get some things. And I think having a relationship with him falls into that category. So I'll learn to deal with it."

"That's a bit bleak."

"No, it's called being realistic."

Riku smiled sadly and nodded. It was one of the things Roxas liked best about him, and why he felt he could talk to Riku more - he wasn't boundless enthusiasm and optimism. Roxas liked not having positivity shoved down his throat constantly.

"You've resigned yourself to your fate?"

"Pretty much."

"Have you spoken to him about how you feel?"

"No," he sulked. Roxas knew what was coming next.

"Maybe you should?"

"Or maybe I shouldn't. It's just the same as with you and me all over again. I never told you because I knew the answer, even if I didn't want to admit it to myself. I know Axel, I know his thoughts and feelings about the whole thing. There's no point. It would just make me feel awkward around him."

"I never knew you were so omnipotent. Pretty cool superpower, Rox," Riku let fly, rather flippantly. "Claiming to know how someone thinks and feels." He whistled. "Impressive."

"Shut up," Roxas grumbled.

"What're you hoping to protect by choosing to hang in there?"

Roxas stared at the awful pattern of the blanket. "I don't want to lose what I have with him."

"But you also want more."

"Yeah," he sighed.

"Sometimes it's worth taking a risk. I took one with Sora and it worked out."

"Mm." Roxas sat pensively. He felt uncomfortable. "It's not so easy."

"Yeah, you think it was easy to open myself up to someone? Someone who meant the world to me, and if I lost them it would crush me?"

"Sorry," he mumbled. "I know it's never easy."

"Things that are easy aren't worth doing. The fact that it's hard should mean it's the right thing to do."

The flush of the toilet sound, finally heralding an out, from this conversation.

"Thanks for the pep talk, Riku."

"Any time, buddy. Think about it. And think about your own happiness, and just try. Things might turn out better than you expected."

"You spend too much time with Sora," he teased, and Riku smiled.

The bathroom door opened. "Did I hear my name?"

* * *

 

Roxas had left his two friends in good spirits. He felt light and triumphant. They were probably having sex right about now and Roxas wasn’t bothered by it. It felt good - wonderful even. He was happy that they still had such a strong relationship through all the years they had known each other. He liked knowing that they made each other better. “Ah! It feels so good,” he said to himself as he crossed the plaza.

Mind drifted to being home and what he needed to do. Axel was the first thing that popped into his head, and it made him smile. Maybe he’d tell Axel about him being on the top of Roxas’ to-do list. He’d get a good chuckle out of it.

The cheer subsided, his footsteps slowed, energy drained and his heart beat with disquieting vigor. He did want Axel - exclusively. What if he brought Larxene or even Demyx over tonight? It wasn’t the noise that bothered him any longer. It was knowing that he meant nothing to Axel besides being a convenient fuck and a great friend. But being friends was good. It beat whatever it was they had going before they met again at University.

Roxas’ mother always told him to be grateful for the blessings in life. She has said it even more when Roxas visited her in hospital. Being a part of Axel’s life, even in some small way, was a sort of blessing. Roxas just had to suck it up and accept his circumstance. 

It was hard though, and he had to drag himself up the flight of stairs due to his mood weighing down heavily. But when he saw red at the end of the hallway - with no one to accompany him - the smile couldn’t be held at bay. Roxas picked up his pace and made short work of the distance.

"What're you doing back so early?"

Roxas was greeted by a big smile. “Roxas, buddy, hey!” Axel unlocked the door and they filed inside. "I got suspended from work," he stated matter-of-factly.

"What? Why? What happened?"

Axel closed the door behind them. "You know all your little conjugal visits during my work time?"

Roxas spun around and stared in disbelief. "Fuck -"

"Yeah," Axel chuckled.

"I'm so sorry!"

"Don't sweat it. It was totally worth it, every time." Axel backed Roxas up against the wall and stroked his face. Half-lidded eyes and salacious smirk gave away what Axel was thinking about.

But Roxas resisted giving in - for now. "How big a trouble are you in?"

"Just a months' suspension, for 'inappropriate use of University property'. I got a stern talking to."

"Shit. I'm so sorry," he said again. Roxas had visited the library a few times during Axel’s shifts. It had actually been to get work done… but things hadn't exactly gone according to plan.

"Really, don't worry. Totally worth it." Axel leaned in and left kisses along Roxas' neck.

His thoughts melted against Axel's touch. He didn't want what they had to end. He didn't need to tell Axel anything. They could just keep doing this forever. He pulled Axel closer to himself and pushed fingers under fabric of pants, feeling the soft flesh beneath. Axel’s breath and licks sent pleasant shivers down his body, and he dug his hand a little deeper, to cup him. “Your bed or mine?” Roxas asked.

A knock sounded at the door. Both heads turned to look at it.

"Ah fuck. Hold that thought, babe. I asked Demyx around 'cause I thought you'd be out for a lot longer."

That really cooled Roxas back down. “Oh. That’s fine. Let him in. I’ll leave you guys to it.” It came out much too stiff. Roxas attached a smile, and pulled his hand out off Axel’s pants.

Axel gave Roxas’ hand a forlorn look, then glanced at the door and then back at Roxas. “No, I’ll get him to go. He’ll be cool with it.”

Roxas stopped Axel from going to the door. “No, really Axel, just have sex with him. I don’t feel like it right now.”

“You seemed to be feeling it just a second ago,” he gave a small wink.

Roxas was still feeling it. He was feeling too much in fact, which was exactly why he couldn’t.

“ _Yo, Ax, open up_ ,” Demyx knocked again.

Axel pulled out of Roxas’ hold and went to open the door.

“Hey Dem.”

“Why’d you call so early? Don’t you have work?” Demyx stepped through the doorway. “Oh hey, Roxas.”

Roxas gave a small wave, feeling particularly uncomfortable. 

“I got a suspension.”

“Too much fucking around?”

Axel chuckled, “Yup. Look, Rox is here so I’m gonna -”

“Dem, you want a threesome?” Roxas blurted out. He could feel himself turning red as all eyes fell on him. Both men before him looked confused and slightly bewildered. 

“Threesome?” Demyx turned to Axel for clarity. “You seriously want a threesome?”

“Ah -” Axel looked between Demyx and Roxas. “Just… gimmie a sec with Roxas.” Hasty steps and a hand grab saw Roxas inside of Axel’s room within a few whirling moments.

“Threesome?” Axel spoke quietly, yet sharply. “Shouldn’t we have talked about this beforehand?”

What had Roxas gotten himself into? He had panicked. If Roxas was left alone with Axel they’d have sex. - and his feelings would grow - and he’d end up miserable, heartbroken and alone. He didn’t want another Riku situation on his hands. “You don’t want to?”

“I - Do you?”

“Why would I suggest it if I didn’t?” Roxas tried to sound as confident as possible. It actually started to sound like a good idea in his head. He could test out how he felt about Axel. Maybe he was safe and this truly was nothing.

“I don’t know. You _really_ want to? Didn’t you just -,” he clamped up and shook his head a little. “You’re not gonna feel weird?”

“Hey, I’m the veteran here, remember?” he laughed lightly, heart in his throat. He had no idea whether he would regret this or not. Doubt crept back in. What would it mean? What would it do to his feelings for Axel? He hoped it would nullify - and prove to himself that he wasn’t in love. He feared that it would be the complete opposite though.

Axel’s response was unexpected. A mumbled, “I… guess,” was all he said.

“I thought you’d jump at the idea.”

“Well normally I would. You just caught me off guard, that’s all. Ah, okay. Let’s do this thing then.”

Axel still looked somewhat confused but he opened his door again. “Dem, - I _knew_ it was you, you little shit.” Axel stormed out. “ _Quit messing with the fans._ ”

_“No, I swear I was fixing it. Roxas keeps touching them.”_

_“Roxas knows how to avoid being murdered. Quit that.”_

Roxas took a peek through the doorway to see the two men slapping each other. It made him chuckle.

When Axel had fixed things up again he asked, “Against my better judgment I’m gonna ask - you wanna, with Rox and me?”

Demyx shrugged. “Sure, why not. I’m here and everything.”

* * *

 

Roxas felt nervous because he didn’t know Demyx all that well, and the guy didn’t really float Roxas’ boat too much. Roxas was also really worried about fixating on Axel during this encounter. So he prayed that Demyx had a hot body under those clothes.

In Axel’s bedroom Roxas observed the weird dynamic between the two friends. Demyx started undressing himself and Axel paid him no mind at all. He instead had hands on the hem of Roxas’ shirt and began pulling it up and over his head, trailing kisses, like he always did.

“Aww that’s sweet, you guys undress each other?”

“Shut up, Dem,” Axel dismissed between kisses.

“You don’t?” Roxas asked in wonderment.

“Nope.” Demyx sat down on the bed and pulled at his boots.

Undressing was something Axel only did with him? It gave him all the wrong kind of feelings, and it wasn’t just the sweet kisses Axel was now working onto his neck.

Panic set in again. “Well let me help you then, Demyx.” Roxas got his remaining arm out of his shirt, which Axel was still pulling on, and moved to the bed.

Demyx had gotten his shoes off and was in the process of undoing his fly. Roxas stopped him and took over. “You ever had a threesome, Demyx?” he asked as he slowly peeled pants off, and gently brushed against skin.

“No. Should be interesting.”

Roxas smiled. “Bet it will be. Axel said you need a lot of, mm….”

“Tending to,” Axel interjected. He threw his shirt aside and climbed on the bed, slipping his pants and underpants off as he went.

Roxas looked on wistfully, wishing he could have stripped Axel instead. He took his eyes off tempting nakedness and crouched between Demyx’s legs. Gently he ran fingers along inner thigh and up to Demyx’s still clothed penis. Roxas stroked, and Demyx gasped. 

Looking up, Roxas saw Axel marring Demyx’s chest. A dopey grin was plastered on Demyx’s face. “Man, a guy could get used to this,” he giggled. 

He was growing hard rapidly and eventually Roxas pulled off Demyx’s shorts. Roxas stood back up and surveyed the party in front of him. Naked, Demyx was kind of hot. He wasn’t as skinny as Axel, and a bit hairier. Roxas didn’t think he’d mind fucking him. But then he wondered if he should, or if it would be better to have Demyx as a buffer between himself and Axel.

All this thinking was doing nothing for his arousal. Why did it have to be so complicated?

Green eyes were on Roxas. “Everything all right, Rox? You’re still dressed.” Axel moved off Demyx to help, but Demyx jumped up.

“Oh, oh! Let me.” He was on Roxas in a second. Axel sat back on haunches, seemingly pouting, but Roxas wasn’t sure because Demyx obscured his vision. Unfamiliar hands ran over him and clumsily undid his pants and pulled everything down. It lacked finesse. It lacked sexy teasing. Roxas missed Axel already. Roxas wondered how miserable this experience would be for him.

When they were all piled on the bed, Roxas spent a long while making out with Demyx. They kissed a lot. Roxas did enjoy the kissing. Demyx had energy and enthusiasm in reciprocating Roxas’ movements, but he seemed to lack initiative and never got his tongue to all the places Roxas enjoyed most, like when Axel was kissing him.

Roxas felt Axel’s touch on him constantly. Demyx’s hands also roamed, but Roxas could tell them apart very easily. Axel caused him the most shivers and delight, while Demyx fumbled and explored uncharted territory with complete disregard to observe whether something felt nice for Roxas or not.

Roxas also kept his hands busy, pulling on familiar nipple ring and stroking Demyx in some of the places he thought the other man might possibly enjoy. Axel was sucking on Demyx, who mewled into Roxas’ mouth from time to time. Roxas cast eyes down to Axel occasionally, wishing Axel would be sucking on him instead, but he stopped glancing when their eyes locked on at one point.

His heart was building up momentum. His pulse came a little quicker, and it definitely wasn’t because of Demyx’s presence or kissing.

Axel’s voice sounded. “You’re all stretched out Dem. Pick out a toy for me while I get Rox ready?”

Demyx disconnected from Roxas and gave him a smile. “You’re a great kisser, Roxas.”

Roxas wished he could say the same. He just smiled back and gave a quiet, “Thanks.”

Demyx and Axel traded places, but Axel leaned over Roxas slightly. The smile he gave to Roxas was soft and beautiful. Roxas wanted to kiss him so much. “I’m gonna prep you, babe,” he almost whispered.

Roxas’ heart rejoiced. “Okay,” he said back, in an equally hushed tone. He inhaled with pleasure as wet finger pushed inside and caressed fondly. Roxas’ eyes closed and he pulled himself up, resting face against warm shoulder as Axel cupped his backside and pushed in deeper, adding more fingers gradually. He pulled at Axel’s collarbone with teeth and whimpered gently whenever Axel brushed against his prostate.

“Aww, you guys look so cute together. Anyone ever tell you that?”

The quiet magic of the moment evaporated. Roxas pulled away from welcoming chest and looked up at Demyx, but not before seeing the glare that Axel gave to his friend.

“Did you put lube on it?” Axel asked gruffly, as Demyx held aloft one of Axel’s butt plugs.

“Yeah.” Demyx knelt down beside Axel. 

“Push it in then.”

Roxas roused from the pleasure that was still being inflicted on his prostate. “Don’t you need to be prepped, Ax?”

“No. I did it myself a bit earlier. Demyx doesn't like other people’s butts, so I always stretch beforehand.”

“Oh.” Now Axel’s delight, whenever Roxas fucked him or did anything to his arse, made a lot more sense.

Axel groaned, both with pleasure and pain as Demyx shoved the toy in.

Roxas winced.

Axel shifted and adjusted a little, gave Roxas a bit more of a tickle and stretch before pulling out and sitting up. “So, I think that’s all of us done. I figured you’d fuck Demyx and I’ll do you, Rox, since Demyx is too much of a chicken shit.” 

“I like what I like,” Demyx dismissed, sitting cross-legged and folding arms across chest.

“You okay with that, Rox?”

Roxas shrugged. “Plugs already in. Guess we’ll stick with the plan.”

“Front or back, Dem?” Axel threw out, while shuffling to his bedside stand and grabbing condoms. 

“Front. I want me some more of them sweet kisses from Roxas,” he beamed, and lay down on his back, spreading legs far apart.

Axel threw a condom at Demyx and handed Roxas his one while he passed around to Roxas’ backside. As he went, Axel slid fingers slowly down Roxas’ back, making him shiver in delight.

Condoms were put on, wrappers discarded, extra lubricant applied. Roxas still felt weird about doing this with Demyx, but he thought of him as just another pointless hook-up like so many others in the past. He had never looked for anything meaningful. The thing with Riku had just happened at a vulnerable time in Roxas’ life. Too many big changes, too much loneliness. Was his situation with Axel the same though? He dropped the thought before it gave him a limp dick.

Roxas pushed into Demyx gently, sighing with pleasure in the heat of the other man. Demyx quietly muffled and moaned, but once he seemed to settle Roxas began moving, and huffing in pleasure with each push. 

Hands were on his chest, sweeping up and down as Roxas moved. He bent down to kiss Demyx from time to time.

“You gonna keep watching or do something, Axel?” Demyx groaned in a pleasured but harsh whisper.

“Yeah, I am. You guys are just hot together.” Moments later warm hands were on Roxas’ sides, sliding down towards hips. Roxas eased up on his thrusting to let Axel sidle up against his rump. He could feel heated flesh push between his cheeks. Roxas relaxed and moaned, louder and louder the further Axel pushed into him. His penis pulsed. Roxas felt like he was in nirvana with the tightness around his cock and the full sensation in his backside. Axel did much like Roxas had done and began moving a little, to help Roxas open up and take him with ease.

Axel muttered how good Roxas felt, but quietly, against his shoulder blades and hair. Desire pooled in Roxas’ stomach at how private and quiet Axel tried to be with him. Like what they had and shared was sacred and shouldn’t be born witness to by an interloper - no matter if he was invited into the party or not.

Roxas thought himself lost to his senses and the world. The pleasure he got from Axel was immense. Every kiss to his body felt searing hot. Axel was pure enjoyment, pure fire, passion and l-

Demyx’s cool hands and quiet whimper pulled Roxas out of his pleasure bubble and back to reality. He began moving against Demyx. It took a few goes to find a rhythm, but Roxas and Axel worked it out much faster than Roxas remembered him doing so with Riku.

Being sandwiched between two men was at least familiar to Roxas. Maybe even too familiar. He tried not to lose himself in the feel of Axel behind him. He focused all his available attention onto Demyx.

All three men moaned. Demyx, a lot quieter than the other two, but definitely still audible. Hands were everywhere, mouths left kisses wherever they could reach. Sweat dripped, even in the cold of lurking winter. 

A whisper of, “Touch him,” from behind Roxas got him to grip Demyx’s erection and start pumping the man below himself. It made Demyx’s breath hitch and caused him to slowly groan louder in pleasure.

Roxas had heard that sound before. He braced himself for Demyx’s orgasm and when it hit he focused on how tight his cock was being squeezed and how electric the sensation in his backside was. He let pleasure wash over himself and reveled in the feel of pumping into Demyx and having Axel pump into him. He clenched around Axel’s cock, and Axel groaned in heated pleasure, exclaiming as always how hot, tight, sexy and utterly fuckable Roxas was as he came, whilst clutching Roxas around his chest, holding on for dear life.

Not only did it squeeze all air from his lungs, but it also squeezed all hope out of Roxas that he would ever come out of this not loving Axel.

Meanwhile, Axel's heart hammered painfully against his chest. His orgasm made his body soft and fluid. But his mind raged with hard irritation, directed completely at Demyx. He had never felt so much jealousy in his entire life.


	12. Everything on the Table

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is what it is.

Irritation didn't leave Axel when he was alone with his thoughts. And since he was temporarily jobless he had a lot of time to ruminate. He thought about how hot Roxas had been during their threesome. And when that thought popped up Riku’s stupid face would pop up alongside it. That in turn lead to all kinds of other thoughts around what Roxas must be getting up to with his friends, whenever he left Axel to be with them. 

It burned.

If Roxas didn’t have feelings for the guy it would all have been all right. But as it stood things were far from okay. It had all been Demyx’s fault for agreeing to the threesome. So he called a meeting with both Larxene and Demyx, declaring that this was the end of their years of friends-with-benefits. 

“Oh thank fuck. I was terrified you'd ask us both over for a threesome,” Larxene bent over and sighed with relief.

“Why do you have to be like that? Why wouldn't you want to have sex with me?”

“Look at you, Demyx. Just _look_ at you!” she pointed her finger at invisible flaws.

“Well stuff you. Vaginas are gross, especially yours,” he retorted.

“Not as gross as your dick.” She pushed Demyx onto Axel’s bed where he bounced, but ultimately stayed put.

“It doesn't matter,” Axel snapped. “Point is none of us will have sex again.”

“Woah, dramatic much,” Demyx giggled.

“Did Demyx being screwed by your precious Roxas turn you off that badly?” Larxene laughed and then nudged Demyx, sitting down beside him. “I don't think he likes to share.”

“Mmhmm. I think so too. But I can see why. Roxas is pretty good at what he does,” he grinned, and it rubbed Axel the wrong way.

“We're never having a threesome again. So there's no point in coming over.”

“Well with you maybe. But what if Roxas asks us over?” Larxene smirked.

“He wouldn't,” Axel spat.

“Oh-ho-ho-ho, look who's all possessive!” she goaded.

Demyx was trying to keep his giggles inside as best he could.

“I'm not,” he snarled. Why was Larxene so incredibly irritating of late?

“You are. And we know why, don't we Dem.”

“Yeah,” he squeaked.

“Don't you fucking _dare_ start with me,” Axel got through grit teeth.

“It's too late, baby doll. You're one hundred and ten percent -” Larxene began.

 _“In love!”_ Both her and Demyx finished.

Axel roarer and launched himself on top of his friends. He got them both into a headlock with each arm, but it didn't stop their laughing.

He fell back against the mattress, and took his two head-locked friends with him. Axel stared at his ceiling, and let go of them. _In love_. What a ridiculous notion. “I'm not.” But Axel couldn't hold the same ferocity of denial in that statement like he once had done.

“You are, buddy.” Demyx prodded Axel's arm.

“Your mom would be so proud that you're growing up to be a real boy,” Larxene cooed.

“Doubt it. Just one more thing to disappoint her with.”

“Eh, you're probably right. I could have mothered you better.”

Axel huffed, “You did, actually.” He didn’t like to admit it too often, but his two best friends had gotten him through some really shit times in the past.

Both his friend settled next to him, and the three of them stared up in silence.

“So… ” Demyx broke the quiet.

“So?”

“What's all this mean then?” Demyx turned his head to look at Axel on his left.

“It means nothing. Life will go on like it always has.”

“What, you two just hook up all the time while Dem and me find ourselves other guys to screw?”

“Pretty much, yeah.” It seemed perfectly fine and normal to Axel. As long as they lived together Roxas would be around to have fun with, in all possible meanings of that word.

“But what if Roxas gets himself a boyfriend?” Demyx mused.

Axel’s stomach tightened. “Nothing. The three of us go back to doing what we've always done.”

“Hey now! Wait a minute.” Demyx sat up and poked a hard finger into Axel’s chest. “Larx and I aren't here for your personal convenience. You can't just change your mind about us having sex whenever _you_ want.”

“Why not?”

“ ‘Cause that's not how life works, man. We’re friends and all, but I know my life doesn’t _actually_ revolve around you. I want to find myself a nice man and settle down, and have a hoard of guinea pigs, that I can train to perform tricks. And then we’ll get on a talk show, and I’ll become famous for like a month, and it’ll pay for me and my Mr. Right to go on a trip around the world.”

“Who’ll look after your guinea pigs?” Axel questioned.

Demyx was still gazing out the window all starry eyed. “Oh we’ll get a nanny. Maybe I’ll even hire you to look after them, since you’ll be sad and all alone.”

Axel received a snide little smirk. He opened his mouth to say something in protest but Larxene cut him off.

“Dem is right. Probably better to stop messing around. I have other things I could be doing.” She sat up and fixed her hair, which Axel had messed up in their earlier struggle.

“No, guys. What’re you talking about?” Axel also raised himself. He didn’t like where this was going.

“It’s the end of an era. Time to grow up,” Demyx lamented.

“And you can start by fessing up to Roxas,” Larxene stated.

“No. He doesn't like me like that. He’s just like you guys - in it for the sex.”

The three of them looked at each other. Something felt off. “You… guys don’t like me, right?”

Nothing was said, but inside Axel’s head he was screaming, _‘Holy shit’_. “No, you guys don’t. There’s nothing to like.”

“Whatever,” Larxene dismissed and got up, straightening her clothes. “You know what your problems is?”

He cocked an eyebrow at her by way of reply.

“Sex is easy, love is hard. And when the going got tough you opted to choose the easy option; being an angry, selfish, hard-ass - instead of working to overcome things. And you love blaming everyone else for your failings.” Her eyes pierced and she turned on a dime. “Good talk, Axel. If you ever call me again to come around for sex just know the answer is _no_ , so don’t even bother. Later, Dem.” She waved, back still turned to them and left, slamming door shut in the process.

He stared after her, mouth agape and mind drawing a total blank. “What… what the hell?” Axel turned to Demyx for clarification.

“She has a point, ya know. You’ve never bothered or tried so hard like you have with Roxas. And we’re your oldest friends, so I guess Larx is probably pissed off about that, because I think she’s always been way more hung up about you than me,” Demyx muffled as he cradled his chin in the palm of his hand.

Mind was still completely blank.

Demyx drew eyes off the doorway and onto Axel, who just stared. “Anyway, I think there’s a lot more to like about you than you know. We wouldn’t be friends with you for so long if you were completely horrible. Pretty sure Roxas wouldn't be putting up with your shit either if he didn’t like you. And you two really _were_ cute together. I think you should ask him out.” Demyx gave Axel a pat on the shoulder and then also made to leave.

“You really think there’s a chance he might like me?”

“Yeah. See you tomorrow.”

Demyx’s optimistic smile winded Axel. “Bye,” he breathed out and then flopped back on his bed when he heard the front door open and shut again. 

He wrestled with his thoughts for an unknown amount of time. How had the day ended up like this? He had called them over to break things off - because he wanted to be exclusive with Roxas - because he - _loved?_ \- liked? - loved Roxas? The thought brought a pained smile to Axel’s lips. Was it okay to admit that to himself? Was it even true? He hadn’t ever loved anyone. What was it even supposed to look like?

Axel thought about what Roxas had told him once - something about caring for someone - feeling sad when they felt sad - wanting them to be happy - and thinking about them a lot. Axel rolled over onto his side. He supposed all those points were true for how he thought and felt about Roxas. Yet it made him groan.

Was he okay with that? And why _love_? How had it even happened? What was there to love about the guy? 

They liked the same stuff. They got on really well. Roxas smelt nice and the way his hair brushed against Axel’s face always made him want to lean down and use Roxas like a cushion. And despite all his personal hang-ups, Axel like that Roxas got on with his family. It was nice to know not everyone had a shit upbringing.

He gazed, defocused, at his desk. But now his eyes sharpened and scanned across the wall, to where he still had Roxas’ drawing and card framed. 

Roxas had always been there, in some weird way. Roxas had believed in him, when he had felt that no one else did, and when he had almost completely given up on himself. Axel didn’t want Roxas to think badly of him. He wanted to be liked by Roxas. He wanted to be loved by him. And that was such an irksome thing to have to admit to himself.

The sound of door opening filtered to his ears. A smile lifted the corners of his lips and elation bubbled in his chest. It was so natural, so automatic.

_“Axel, I’m back. Did you have a good day?”_

He didn’t even question his body's responses to Roxas. Didn’t question how his mind felt more at rest when Roxas was around, or why it felt so comforting to be next to him.

“Hey Rox,” he sat up and called out to the room beyond. “I got some work done. You wanna watch anything?”

Roxas popped his head around the door, wearing a brilliant grin. That shit right there made Axel forget all about his friends, or his suspension, or his due dates. He felt better just seeing Roxas.

“I’ve got some things to do, but gimmie an hour and I’m all yours.”

“Cool.” Axel wished it were true.

* * *

 

Roxas had resigned himself to the fact that he had a thing for Axel. It helped tremendously with his time spent at his friends dorm. He sat with Sora, having no issues getting pounced by him, or seeing him and Riku being affectionate towards each other.

There came a point where he even admitted to Sora that he liked Axel a lot. After that time Sora and Riku kept insisting that he tell Axel. Roxas always chickened out, telling himself that it wasn't the right time, or he talked himself into being almost 100% certain that Axel really didn't have an interest in him, nor anyone else and never would.

And that kind of felt all right to Roxas. Because if he couldn't be in a relationship with Axel he could at least find peace in knowing no one else would either. And besides, what they were doing on a closer to nightly basis felt real and close enough to what Roxas wanted, that he willed himself to be okay with the arrangement.

But it was still difficult. He started feeling a little miserable every time he went home to be with Axel. Roxas didn't want to dig around for excuses to be close to him, but he still wanted hugs and pecks on cheeks. He wanted simple things - like seeing each other at the end of the day, or first thing in the morning. He wanted a relationship.

The closest he got to it was the cuddling they did on the sofa in the evenings, because of the chill. Axel had said he’d look into it and get the heating fixed. Roxas never bothered to harass Axel about it. He really didn’t mind the cold if it meant heavy blankets on top, warm body pressed against his back, and warm arm draped over his waist. It was the ideal position after all.

They continued to watch TV shows - old and new alike. Roxas tried to be as available to Axel as possible, without it looking suspicious, or like he was forgoing other things which were important to him.

His friends invited him out? He went. Major projects were due? He locked himself in his room and knuckled down. On those latter occasions Roxas was sometimes incredibly surprised to receive a knock on his door and, on opening, discovering that Axel had actually made them both dinner. It was even more miraculous that it was pretty edible, which Roxas loved pointing out.

Axel only became more lovable in Roxas’ eyes with time. Which in turn made him more miserable. But at least he never caught sight of Larxene or Demyx, which he did inquire about.

“Well Demyx has hooked up with a veterinary student from out of town. He's hoping it might actually be a serious thing he's getting into. And Larx,” he shrugged. “She busy focusing on, and I quote, ‘becoming a hard-ass business woman.’ she bought herself a pant-suit last week. And she looks extra mean in it.”

Roxas laughed at the mental image being conjured up. “So they're both busy?”

“Yeah.”

“Is that okay with you? You've got nobody but me then?” he got out, rather tentatively.

“It's fine. Probably better this way anyway,” Axel muttered.

That answer sent a thrill through Roxas. “Yeah? How?” 

“You know, finals coming up and all. Less distractions.”

“Ah.” Roxas settled back down and returned his attention to television viewing.

Nothing but the rather muted sound of the television filled the space for a while, before Axel broke in, “How’re you going with your friends?”

“Oh great. It's actually never been better,” he smiled and quickly flicked his head around to look at Axel.

“Good to hear,” but he didn't sound pleased.

* * *

 

The days continued on. The evenings hanging out never ceased. Warm blanket, even warmer body. Sweet touches. It was bliss, but it also burned unpleasantly. When they said good-night to each other Roxas felt miserable, and sometimes he couldn’t hide it. It manifested itself in hunched shoulders and unseeing eyes when he watched television. 

He was having one of these episodes when he was drawn out by arms squeezing around him and his name being spoken, softly.

“Rox.”

“Huh?” He tilted his head up and around to look at Axel behind him and saw a frown.

“You okay?” was the concerned sounding inquiry.

“Yeah.”

“No you’re not. What’s wrong?” Axel rolled Roxas over so they could look at each other.

“Nothing.” He turned back around to the sound of a frustrated groan.

“Do you need me to get you some ice cream?”

That remark stung. Why was Axel so caring? Why did he remember something like ice cream cheering Roxas up? Yes, Axel had said once that the box of sea salt popsicles in the freezer was just there to placate Roxas if he was ever grumpy - but it was still a thoughtful and caring gesture.

Axel cared for Roxas - but he just wished so much that Axel cared about him the same way Roxas did for Axel.

Roxas was pulled out of his thoughts because Axel clambered over him.

“No, I don't want any.”

“You're getting some anyway.”

Roxas pulled the blanket halfway up his face to hide the smile.

Axel returned shortly with the frozen treat. Roxas took it with a, “Thanks,” and unwrapped it while Axel repositioned himself on the sofa.

Roxas quietly consumed his treat, wishing Axel would be more of an asshole. He also wished he didn't find the man's touch - as fingers stroked his hip and abdomen - so enticing. The misery grew and by the time Roxas was finished he wanted to cry.

“Better?” Axel breathed against Roxas’ ear.

“No. This isn't ice cream fixable. I told you I didn't want any,” he got out around the wooden stick he was chewing on.

“But you ate it anyway.”

Roxas heard the self-satisfaction in Axel's voice. “You love exploiting my weaknesses,” he muttered.

Axel hummed his agreement against Roxas’ ear, and then pressed a kiss and then another and another along Roxas’ neck.

This was so ridiculous. How weren't they a couple already? _Why_ weren't they a couple? Riku and Sora steered the conversation to that topic so many times. It always made Roxas extra gloomy, and tonight hadn't been an exception. 

Roxas sat up, before he lost to the allure of the man behind himself. He stared ahead, really wishing he had been able to get into the television program so he had something to occupy his mind.

“Seriously, Rox. What wrong?” Axel sat up moments later.

Roxas was too much of a coward. His mind went to the only thing it could feasibly justify being curious about -

“Why don't I ever see your friends around anymore?’

Axel grumbled. “I already told you a couple of weeks ago. I'm not gonna repeat myself.”

Roxas actually found the courage to turn to face Axel. “Then why haven't you gotten yourself some other people to fill the void?” He wanted to know. He wanted to hear the only wishful thing that made sense to him.

A strange mixture of emotions cycled across Axel’s face. Something that looked like surprise, maybe even shock and confusion, and then settled into irritation. That one Roxas at least had little to no problem identifying.

“Why’s it so important for you to know who’s in my life?”

Axel's hostility actually felt like welcome relief from the far too ambiguous blissful existence they had been sharing together for almost half a year. “I don’t care. Just making conversation.”

Axel laughed without mirth. “If you don’t care why are you asking all the time?”

Was he? Did he? “I’m not asking all the time. I haven’t asked you in ages.”

Facial features tensed. “Our understanding of _ages_ is super different.”

“Don’t be an ass. I just want to know ‘cause… maybe I worry about you a little. I know how important getting a fuck is to you, and since I’m not around so much - I just worry,” he finished in a mutter.

Axel didn’t soften. “Afraid I can’t look after myself?”

“I just want you to have someone there for you.”

There came a pause filled with nothing but the noise from the television and some huffing. “Why? Where are you going?”

Roxas blinked, taken aback. “N-nowhere.”

“Then why’re you spending so much time with your fuckbuddies?”

“They’re -” he couldn’t tell Axel.

“They’re what, Roxas?” Axel snapped.

Roxas didn’t appreciate the tone of voice or the glare. He felt miserable, and irritated. Why did Axel have to be so nice? He should have always just stayed an asshole to Roxas, then he wouldn't be feeling this way right now. 

That was the moment he decided he wanted to hurt Axel. Hurt him back the same way Roxas was hurting. “They’re better at sex than you, and better friends too,” he blasted, fists clenched tight..

“Well how ‘bout you move back in with them, if they’re so fucking perfect and amazing?”

There was a massive rift between them, with each sitting on opposite ends of the sofa.

“Maybe I will. The less I see of you the better,” Roxas spat back.

“Fuck you then.” Axel launched off the sofa and disappeared into his room, leaving Roxas wide-eyed and with a racing heart.

His mind whirled. He sat frozen on the sofa, breathing hard. Roxas couldn’t comprehend what just happened, but there was a strong sense of regret, and an ache in his chest. He wasn’t sure what he should do. Lucky for him he didn’t have to make a decision, because Axel stormed back out in a moment, wrapping coat around himself and heading for the door.

“Where’re you going?”

“Out. Giving you your fucking wish of not having to look at me, ‘cause that’s the kind of amazing and thoughtful guy I am!” Axel slammed the front door shut behind himself.

* * *

 

He fumed as he stalked out of the university grounds, looking for somewhere to go. He had needed to get away from Roxas, and now he needed to not think about him. He headed straight for a bar.

It was dank and dim; a perfect reflection of his mood. The place was filled with other miserable people, all quietly drinking away. Axel found a spot at the far side of the bar, where he bunkered down with beer nuts, and order after order of whatever was cheapest, so he could drink lots of it.

On the way to this place his mind had been furiously racing. He had no idea what had happened. He had looked after Roxas with ice cream and cuddles. And then everything had gone to shit. Life in general was a fucking piece of shit. Every time he tried his best it seemed to backfire. His parents divorced - he let himself down - Roxas was too hung up about some shithead to see how awesome Axel was. It all stank.

Seeing Roxas moping around and miserable made him feel like shit. And it had been happening too much lately. It always seemed like the more Axel tried to cheer the guy up the worse he made Roxas feel, and he didn’t get it. He had made him feel so good in the past, he was sure of it. 

He slammed down glass after glass of piss disguised as alcohol. Each time glass hit the benchtop it served to punctuate and close off a crappy thought he was mulling over. He told himself he would keep this up until he had run out of thoughts. Alas he ran out of cash first, so was left moping into the empty glass. 

If his drinking session had served any purpose at all it had been to conclude that it was all Riku’s stupid fault. Everything had gotten worse since Roxas started hanging out and banging his two best friends again. They were making things terrible for Roxas and Axel. That had to be the root cause of it. Axel decided then and there to sort them out. He fished around his pockets for some stray cash, found some, and ordered another drink. He slammed it down and marched himself, albeit somewhat wobbly, back to the dormitories.

* * *

 

Somehow he found his way to the offensive dormitory. And then he went on a knocking spree until someone knew who the heck he was after, and directed him towards the correct door. When he reached it he knocked furiously. “Open up! Open this fuckin’ door!” he said for the umpteenth time.

It opened and Axel was relieved to see the target of his now diminishing rage. The stern look he received helped to reignite the fury he had held before all the wrong-door knocking had started.

“Are you drunk?” Riku said, ice in his voice.

“What I am ain't none of your business!” Axel pushed the door open and barged past Riku. He saw Sora get up from the sofa. 

“Is everything all right, Axel?”

Sora somewhat simmered Axel’s hot anger. Roxas didn't have a thing for him… but he was as much at fault as Riku for Axel's misery. “All right? All right!? No, everything's _not_ all right. You with your - perfect hair and big teeth and smiles. Always smiling. - You don’t know how lucky you are. You fucking shitheads are completely shitty and selfish. You’ve got each other, why you have to hog Roxas too?” He waggled his finger at the man in front of him.

Riku's voice pulled up from behind, “Roxas is just-”

Axel spun around, “No! You listen to _me_ now. He's not a fucking _just_! He's so much more and you fucking asshole can't see that and you make him feel like crap all the time. I see it ya know! How sad he gets when he’s with me - thinking about you.”

“What're you talking about?”

Rage flared once more. “You fucking shit!” He went to punch Riku, but his body was slow and uncoordinated. How happened Axel had no clue, but the next thing he knew he was on the floor, with Riku sitting on him, looking down. “Get off,” he struggled, writhing under the other man.

“Not until you calm down.”

 _Calm down?_ How was he supposed to do that? “I’ll calm down when you stop fucking with my friend. What’s he even see in you? You’re not better than me. You’re lame, and you stink, and - your hair ain’t even that great. I’m way more awesome. With my hair, and with the things we do together. What’s he even do with you? We have way more fun. We -why can’t he think about me like he thinks about you?” What had started as an energetic tirade tapered out into a mopey, timid whimper.

“What way’s that?” Arms folded across chest.

Axel’s fire was roused once more. He wanted to punch that smug look off his face and struggled against the heavy sack of shit atop of him. “He loves you, you asshole!”

“Do you love him?”

“None of your fucking business,” he bellowed. Weight pushed down firmly on Axel as he struggled to free himself. He groaned and felt extra sick.

“Do you?”

“Of course! What’s not to love about the dorky crybaby? But so what if I do? It’s pointless. You take everything. He doesn’t want me. It’s all your fault. You took all his heart,” he spat with venom. “He's got nothing left for me.” Axel tried to lift his arm to punch Riku, but the limb felt too heavy and stayed glued to the floor. 

“He doesn't love me. Not anymore.” Riku looked up and got off.

“Bullshit! Why’s he constantly moping around then?” Axel rolled over, hoping it would be easier to get up when on all fours.

“Ask him yourself.” 

“I tried. He got angry.” Getting up onto knees was a struggle. The world spun and he only noticed that he was swaying when a hand fell on shoulder to steady him. He shrugged it off it. “Don't touch me, you asshole.”

“You're the asshole, asshole.”

Axel's head swiveled towards the voice, which made him dizzy again. All he saw was shoes, until he remembered to lift his head up. He was greeted with the sight of blonde mop and blue eyes. “Roxas.”

“Dickhead.”

Axel squeezed eyes shut and on opening them again the world was a lot more stable. He hadn't hallucinated that voice or vision. It _was_ Roxas. He looked like he had been crying. Eyes were shimmering and tinged with red. Face was pale and splotchy.

It hurt Axel to see, and made him angry. Some shit friends Roxas had. “Have these shitheads been making you cry?” He turned towards Roxas, wanting to touch his face, but feeling unable to. “I'm gonna beat them up for you, Rox. No one should make you cry,” he grumbled and tried to stand.

“No, I'm not crying about them. You’re a real dick,” Roxas lightly brought his fist to Axel's head and tapped gently.

It made no sense. “Why'm I always seeing you cry?” he whined. Everything was foggy and thinking was hard. “I don't wanna, Rox. I wanna see your smile.”

Roxas’ face grew stern. Almost bitter. “C’mon, let's go home.” Roxas wound an arm around Axel, helping him up. 

Riku came to help as well, but Axel shoved him away. He leaned heavily on Roxas, wondering if his question had been answered as they started moving in a forward direction.

Goodnight’s were said somewhere behind. Axel paid it no mind. Staying awake, not throwing up, and moving, were difficult enough and required all his attention.

With Roxas’ help Axel lumbered back to their dormitory.

“Where'd you come from, Rox?” he ventured to ask when he felt able to pay attention to something other than his feet keeping him upright.

“I went over there when you left,” he stated.

Panic squeezed his heart. “To move?”

“No… to cry,” Roxas almost whispered.

“About me?”

Roxas didn't answer.

Axel opened his mouth to ask again but his head suddenly felt too heavy and he dipped down, nose smashing into Roxas’ soft hair. He smiled and took a deep whiff, completely forgetting to be in pain. “You always smell so good, Rox,” he murmured. 

There was no response. There was only sound of the steady plodding of their feet against pavement. They continued to forge ahead, and somehow made it up the stairs.

Axel’s head was still too heavy. Everything was in a fog, and nothing much mattered. His body ached and relief came when he landed on soft things. He felt something tugging at his legs and opened his eyes, which had fallen shut. Pants were tugged off and blanket thrown over him.

“We gunna have sex?” he muttered.

“No. There's a bucket next to your bed, dumbass.”

“Why’re you so cold to me?” he whinged and turned in the direction of the sound. There was only the dark silhouette of Roxas against the slightly lighter backing of the wall he stood before.

“Because you're an idiot.”

“Am not,” he protested.

“Are too.” Roxas sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Why?” Axel strained his head to be able to look at Roxas’ direction, even if he couldn’t properly see him.

“ ‘Cause you think I like Riku.”

“You're the idiot. I know you don't _like_ him - you _love_ him,” he grumbled.

“I don't.”

“Bullshit.”

“It's not.”

“Prove it then.”

“You're wasted. I don't need to do anything you say.” Roxas rose.

Despite all the alcohol his heart felt pierced. “Yeah, I knew it. You can't prove shit.”

A sigh seeped out of Roxas and he turned to leave.

“Rox, no. Don't go.” Axel raised himself on elbows, with a straining groan.

“I'm tired, Ax. We'll talk in the morning.”

Was Roxas leaving? “Please sleep with me?” That netted Axel a look over shoulder.

“I don't want you to be sick all over me. Plus you smell like a side alley.”

“It's musk.”

Roxas laughed a little. “Goodnight, Axel.”

“No wait. A goodnight kiss. Can I have one of those? With a lot of tongue, and finish it off by telling me you love me.”

Roxas stayed silent for something which felt like forever. 

“C’mon, Rox,” he coaxed.

“Why do you wanna hear that?” came the sullen response.

It had finally come to this point. Axel was so sick of holding it in. “Because I love you, and I can't fucking stand seeing you hung up and upset about fucking Riku. It's not fair! I know I wasn't the best friend to you ages ago, but I wanna be now. I want you to like me how you like Riku. I'll be an awesome boyfriend, I'll be an epic lover, I'll be your everything if you let me,” he begged. He didn't want Roxas to go without knowing that before his liquid courage completely dried up.

The night’s silence was deafening. Why was there always so much silence? “Roxas, say something!” he plead.

Roxas eventually gave Axel the much needed reprieve of sound waves. “I can't like you how I like Riku.”

It wasn’t what he wanted to hear. “Why not?” he complained.

“Because I can't. Goodnight.” 

Roxas moved towards Axel, leaned down and left a kiss on his forehead. Exhaustion, coupled with huge disappointment, drained Axel and he slumped back against his mattress.

“Rox, no. Why can’t you?” he whined.

Hand ran through his hair and he was rolled over to his side.

“If you gotta puke, aim for the bucket. I'm not cleaning up after you.”

Again there was no answer, but Axel felt asleep close around him. “Night,” he managed to mutter before passing out.

* * *

 

When Axel had just up and left, Roxas had been left absolutely gobsmacked. Sitting in the quiet of his dorm hadn’t done him any good. The more he had thought about it the less he knew what they had fought about and why he had said the things he had said. The thing he had known for certain was that Axel irritated him. His thoughtfulness was sickening. It hurt every time they had a nice time together. Roxas had fumed for about half-an-hour before he had decided to go be with his friends. It had seemed like a better idea than being all alone.

Once he had arrived the floodgates had opened. He had managed to get out his story through wave after wave of sobs, while he was comforted with pats and shoulders to soak up his tears. When he had no more to tell and no more tears to give he had gone to the bathroom to wash up. 

And then he had heard the pounding on the door and the angry shouts of a familiar voice. It had brought out a few more tears at first, but then they dried up as he had listened through the door. It had been amazing and… confusing.

He still felt the same way when he had tucked Axel into bed.

Roxas stared at his ceiling for a long while after Axel had fallen asleep. He hoped Axel wouldn't vomit and choke. Imagining him dying at this point… when Roxas was so close to actually having someone like him back… well it seemed like the worst might just happen, because he felt cursed sometimes.

He went and checked on Axel, too paranoid to sleep. Roxas found him lying on his side, hugging a pillow and looking adorable.

Axel had been drunk when he had said all that stuff. Maybe he wouldn't mean it in the morning. That's why Roxas hadn't been able to tell Axel what he had wanted to hear. At this point both of them could still deny everything.

Roxas stroked Axel's face, brushing hair aside. A smile spread across the sleeping face and Axel mumbled something which sounded vaguely like Roxas’ name. Roxas really hoped everything he had heard out of Axel's mouth that night was true.

He went back to bed to await morning, and whatever else - hopefully amazing - the sunlight might bring.

* * *

 

A massive hangover was apparently the answer. Roxas rose to the sound of groaning and moaning from next door. 

He stretched and tried to mentally prepare himself for Axel's denials. He tried not to get his hopes up as he finally rose and headed out to the kitchen, where he prepared toast and eggs for himself and Axel.

He ate his portion of the meal while he cooked Axel's and then walked the plate over to the other man's room.

“Morning, Axel,” Roxas almost shouted.

Axel groaned and made a loud shushing sound while pulling a pillow over his head. “ ‘M dying, Rox. Keep it down,” he muffled against the pillow.

Roxas put the plate down with a clatter, and Axel visibly winced. 

“I made you breakfast, to help you get over all the embarrassing things you said last night.”

Another groan sounded.

Roxas sat down and patted Axel's side. “There, there. I know you were plastered and that you didn't mean any of it. Except maybe your weird hair envy,” he said thoughtfully. Roxas was willing to give Axel an out, and save himself a lot of heartache.

Axel stayed silent for a while, the only evidence of life being the rise and fall of blankets as he breathed. Roxas wondered if Axel had fallen asleep.

Quietly he spoke, “Don’t forget to eat your breakfast.” He made to get up but a muffled sound emanated from under the pillow, halting Roxas’ movements. “What's that?” He pried the obstruction off Axel's face.

“I said you’re annoying,” came the grumble.

Roxas fought against the way his face wanted to frown as his stomach tipped upside down. “Right back at ya.” He threw the pillow back against Axel’s face and got up, moving towards the door.

“No, Rox. Don’t go.” Axel pleaded as pillow was discarded.

Roxas stilled and slowly turned around. “What’s your problem with me?”

Axel groaned and raised himself on elbows. Intense stares were exchanged, until blood-shot green eyes broke away and eyed the plate instead. “I hate how touchy and sensitive you are. I hate how you look after me. I hate how thoughtful you are. And I really hate that you make me want to make an effort for you. But, despite all those big, _massive_ flaws I still have lots of fun with you. And maybe I hate that most of all - that it’s all worthwhile in the end.” Lips turned up into a smile, eyes hesitantly returned to look at Roxas, and Axel stretched his arm out, palm up.

Roxas looked at the gesture, and then at Axel’s face. He still felt confused, but certainty was creeping into the mix of intense emotions. He tried to hold the anticipated elation at bay as he did as beckoned. Walking back to the bed he slipped his hand into Axel’s, whereupon he was pulled down gently. Roxas sat on the edge of the bed once more, while Axel clasped his hand and massaged over flesh with his thumb.

Axel didn’t take his eyes off Roxas’ hand as he spoke in a measured fashion, “I want the best for you. I worry about you and think about you when we're not together. I,” he sighed, “feel like a pathetic loser without you - like I've got nothing good in my life, because I've been an asshole for such a long time. But when we're together I forget all that, because it feels good to not be an asshole to you. It feels good to watch you smile, and get obsessed with TV shows. And I even like that grumpy face you pull when I sometimes do something slightly irritating.” Axel gave Roxas a shy smile, which broadened. “Yeah - that face right there,” he laughed and then winced. “Ow. God I feel sick.”

Roxas’ heart was in his throat. He squeezed Axel’s hand a little. “Bucket’s still here if you need it,” he said, voice scratching as his mouth had suddenly dried up.

Smile returned, “I love the way you care, even for a big idiot like me.” Another sigh followed. “I don’t know why you put up with my shit. But I love you for it, Roxas Barton. I don't ever wanna make you cry again. But if I do, I wanna be there for you to tell me what a dick I am, and I wanna cook you fish curry and make you feel better. I never felt it before, but I feel it for you now, Rox. I love you and I want us to be together. Just us. No distractions. No pretending like I have eyes for anyone else but you. You've been on my mind so much. I just want you in my life, Rox.”

Roxas was officially blown away. He wasn’t sure what to say or what the next step was.

He wasn’t left much time to fill the void however. Axel, frowning at the breakfast plate, mumbled, “And I can’t stand the thought of us living together but not _being_ together. I wanna be your boyfriend, Rox. I want you to let me love you. 'Cause I think I might actually be able to do it and not be a fucking disappointment.”

Joy bubbled and rose, almost choking him. “I already know your fucking is far from disappointing.” Roxas gave Axel a hopefully encouraging quirk of lips as green eyes drifted to look at him.

Axel chuckled a little. “Thanks Roxas,” he breathed out.

Roxas’ heart pounded fiercely. It had been true. He took a deep breath and pushed Axel back down against the bed, with lips locked. He forced his tongue into Axel's mouth but withdrew shortly after.

Roxas made a face and blew a raspberry. “God, you taste gross.”

“Like a trash heap?”

“Trash heap of turds.”

A slight chuckle and a, “Sorry,” followed.

Roxas leaned in again, kissing him once more with an open mouth, but this time for longer. “Lucky for you I actually love this trash heap,” he said as he pulled off him.

Green eyes stared widely at him. “You do?”

“Yeah. I like being around you. I don’t even mind crying in front of you anymore.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm. Because I know you’ll take care of me. I can trust you, and you make me way happier than miserable.” 

Axel exhaled and his shoulders relaxed as tension seemed to leave his body. “But - then what’s with you and Riku? Why’re you always over there and coming home sad?”

“I go over there because they’re my friends, and because I needed a timeout from you.”

“From me?”

“Yeah. And not even in _that_ way. I haven’t had sex with anyone but you.” 

“Huh? Really?”

“Mm. And you know, I haven't liked Riku in a while now,” Roxas clarified and ran his hand over Axel’s face, pushing hair out of eyes. “I stopped liking him when I started liking you. And - you know,” Roxas shrugged, “Your hair is way more amazing, so how couldn’t I?”

A warm smile spread across Axel's face and infected Roxas as well. They both laughed a little before Roxas was pulled down against Axel’s warmth, and kisses were pressed into hair. 

“I love you, Roxas.”

Every time he heard those words his body tingled. Disbelief also fluttered around the outskirts of his mind. “You really do, yeah? You’re not just saying all of this stuff for… fun or something, right?”

Axel pulled Roxas away a little so they could look at each other. “I mean it. And you wanna know a secret?”

“No,” Roxas gave a small smile and sniffled. He could feel himself tearing up, though for a different reason now.

“Well tough. The fact is I think about you all the time. I get sickly sentimental. I don't want any bad shit to ever happen to you. The only thing I can put that down to is love.” He wiped the tear away which ran down Roxas’ cheek. “Sorry for making you cry again.”

Roxas kissed Axel's face. “It’s the good kind for once. I love you too, Axel. I want you to be my boyfriend.”

An arm wound around Roxas and squeezed his side. “Deal. You got yourself an exclusive relationship with the one and only Axel. You wanna make out? To seal it and make it all official like?” Axel batted eyelashes and rubbed his face against Roxas’.

Roxas laughed and pressed more kisses to skin, “I do… but you're fucking gross right now. Eat and have a shower first.”

“So much for unconditional, huh,” Axel gave an obviously fake pout.

“I’ll love you into forever. But certain conditions do apply for physical intimacy. Like, one - you don’t smell and taste like a trash heap.”

Axel pursed lips and squinted. “You _sure_ you’re not a trash-panda in disguise?”

“Pretty sure.”

“Spoilsport.”

Roxas thumbed over one of the tattoos and then trailed a finger down to where the nipple ring lay hidden, tweaking it slightly. “But I do like cleaning up. Maybe I should help you in the shower?”

Pleasure melted away, giving rise to excitement. “Yeah. I need some Roxas T L C in my time of need.”

“Okay. You eat your breakfast and then we’ll clean up the trash.”

Multitude of kisses were left on cheeks and toast was consumed at record speed.

_____❤_____

* * *

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all there is. Thank you for reading. I appreciate the kudos and all the comments. It's great to know that people enjoyed this story, especially since I wasn't feeling very enthusiastic about it.
> 
> Not quite sure what sort of comments to leave? Here is a handy-dandy guide! (taken from [NimblesNotebook](http://nimblesnotebook.tumblr.com) on Tumblr)  
> 1\. At what point did you feel like “Ah, now the story has really begun!”  
> 2\. What were the points where you found yourself skimming?  
> 3\. Which setting in the story was clearest to you as you were reading it? Which do you remember the best?  
> 4\. Which character would you most like to meet and get to know?  
> 5\. What was the most suspenseful moment in the story?  
> 6\. If you had to pick one character to get rid of, who would you axe?  
> 7\. Was there a situation in the story that reminded you of something in your own life?  
> 8\. Where did you stop reading?  
> 9\. What was the last book/fanfic you read, before this? And what did you think of it?  
> 10\. Finish this sentence: “I kept reading because…”
> 
> I have a _[Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJi7IGwtGQ0&list=PLGBPGoX1Zkwntc-XbJniN4KvXpPFu4Ako&index=%20rel=)_ for this fic. Feel free to check it out. I'm open to suggestions for other songs to add to it.
> 
> If you enjoyed this story I'd definitely recommend reading my other AkuRoku fic - _[Shoegazing](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8048662/chapters/%20rel=)_ \- if you haven't already. I am _very_ proud of that story :D
> 
> Thanks for all the support guys. I love writing fanfics, and getting feedback ups the enjoyment, and helps fuel my motivation to create more content.
> 
> And as always follow me on [Tumblr](https://creamypudding.tumblr.com/) for news, subscribe to me here on AO3 via my [profile](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cream_pudding/profile) and check out my art on [DA](https://cream-pudding.deviantart.com/) if you feel inclined to do so.
> 
> **~cream pudding**


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